I get concerned (not really anxious right now) that I’m not really sexually attracted to my husband. I get caught up on something I heard someone say on a podcast, that she always felt like sex was a chore, something to do to keep the relationship working, like changing oil in a car. That bothered me because I sometimes feel like I’m not always totally into it. Like I enjoy it, but maybe it doesn’t give me the same feeling. And at first it caused intense distress, but now that OCD isn’t as dominant (still there just clucking away in the background), it just makes me feel... concerned that it’s because I’m gay. And that I would feel much more stronger sexual feelings if I was with a woman. It’s this nagging in the background that can really pull me in if I’m not consciously trying to aviod doing mental compulsions and ruminations. I’ve really avoided this thought and having to deal with it. I just push it down. And I also get concerned that because it’s just there and not causing intense anxiety that it’s the truth. That I got scared to confess, which I know is an OCD compulsion, and I’m not doing that so it must be more true than the others. That because I’ll try to deal with other OCD things first and this one is too deep and too true to deal with. I’ve probably tried to write this a handful of times, but I wanted to just not deal with it. Like denial. Just pushing it away. I don’t even know what I want out of this. I guess it is a sort of compulsion maybe. I don’t know. I guess I’m looking for reassurance, so please don’t do that. Maybe someone can give me ideas on ways to approach this. I just want to feel sexually alive, but I’m scared to feel that incase it becomes blatantly clear that women do that for me, instead of my husband whom I love to pieces.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Date posted: 4y

So sorry you are going through this 🥺🥺 Just curious, since when have you gotten these intrusive thoughts, before marriage too?

tay-ocd

Date posted: 4y

Well I’ve had SoOCD since before I was married. I think it popped into my head at 14. But has been off and on in between ROCD too. But this specific thought hasn’t. It sort of manifested itself after listening to that podcast and also after I followed someone on Instagram who had OCD (harm I think) and then she announced that she was gay, and she was married to a man previously.

Date posted: 4y

@Tay3C Ugh I get that. Those types of stories terrify me!!

bubbless

Date posted: 4y

I get your story. But in my case I’m in my first ever relationship and just came to terms with me being bisexual. Or most likely bisexual. When my ROCD began I had no idea on how to control it. I didn’t know how to control any compulsions because I was and still am new to the whole OCD thing. Anyway, I began to doubt myself, my relationship, if I rlly did want to be with him forever, if I just wanted to be with a woman, if I wanted to break up to experience other people, if we were to end up married that well end up getting divorced, etc. We went on about 3 breaks. I cried every night for each one. There was something in me that really wanted it to work and for him to stay in my life forever. I’ve never been this alone and confused in my fucking life. Sex sometimes felt like a chore, that I might enjoy it more with a woman, or that I might be using him for sex. OCD is a cruel thing, but we have the advantage of allowing these doubts and thoughts to come and go and eventually they come back weaker and weaker. I’ve been with my boy for a year and a month now. I’m really happy, he’s learning more about my disorder, and that he understands, and that we cannot predict the future. But I’m going to make this relationship count, and love him no matter what happens, and that things happen for a reason.

tay-ocd

Date posted: 4y

I have to admit your comment made me anxious. The “coming to terms with me being bisexual”. What did that mean for you? Also I’ve also dealt with ROCD too. And it is very isolating. Not everyone understands it, and can make assumptions. A good resource has been Awaken Into Love, you can follow on Instagram. It helps feel less alone in it.

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