Currently really struggling. I have had Relationship OCD and other themes for almost a year now. I was doing so good until a couple of months ago. My new obsession is questioning if my boyfriend of almost 5 years is abusive, or a narcissist. (TMI story ahead, just a warning lol) Earlier, my boyfriend and I were laying down and he asked to ya know.. touch my boobs. I said yes, then he was doing that for a bit. I then said “mkay” in a silly joking tone and went to go grab his hand away, and he said “nooo wait I’m just squeezing it” and I let him do it for a couple more seconds then I said “wait no I said no” and he said “oh okay” and he stopped. I then mentioned that it bothered me that he kept his hand there, but he said he was sorry and he thought I was okay with it. We have been working on boundaries and before he would just randomly grab my boob lol. Not disrespectfully, just at appropriate times while we were at home just hanging out he used to do this. Before OCD it really didn’t offend me, it would annoy me sometimes but I never really thought anything more of it. I loved that he was attracted to me and often showed it. Now about a month ago I told him it kind of bothered me (I think this was a compulsion because I was researching it and obsessing about it) and he has really worked on it, sometimes he slips because he has been doing it for so long, but now he’s always asking before grabbing anywhere near my chest area. I just want to not think about these things. Be like a normal person and just forget. He is so amazing, respects my boundaries, and I can tell he is really trying to love me through all of this no matter how hard I push him away. He always sits and listens to my concerns and really is constantly working on this relationship. I love him so much. But it’s hard to love him when my ocd is not even letting him touch me without being so sensitive about it. I know his intentions because I have been with him for almost 5 years, and I know in my heart he never has bad intentions. I don’t want so many boundaries up. I feel so far from him. I feel like he is afraid to touch me, and I don’t want him to be. I want him to touch me. I want things to go back to normal.. How do I expose this, any advice? Not asking for reassurance, I just am trying to finish strong through school and I am so tired of having panic attacks everyday. It is getting so bad. Thank you for reading if you got this far. Sorry it was so long.