this can’t be hocd, it just can’t just be ocd like no way. i’ve been going through this for almost a year and the only thing holding me back is porn. lesbian porn is the only one that can get me off quickly. gay porn is the one i enjoy the most and straight porn....just no i can’t. and it never used to be like that. everything would get me off it didn’t matter what it was, i’d just do a quick one and bounce. but what triggered me to watch lesbian porn rn was a video of billie eilish that i saw on instagram of her smacking her boobs and i felt aroused and i thought, you know what i might as well just deal with this. so i watched a video and i got off so quickly and the video of billie was just running in my mind as i was orgasming UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK I HATE THIS I DONT WANT TO BE WITH GIRLS BUT WHAT IF I DO?????? OH NO I HATE THIS I DONT WANT TO!!!!! IVE ONLY EVER WANTED TO BE WITH GUYS FFS AND I STILL DO. IVE NEVER KISSED A GUY OR HELD HANDS WITH A GUY OR HUGGED A GUY OR ANYTHING, THIS IS RUINING ME i still get aroused by guys but it’s not even when they do sexual things, they could just be sitting there smiling and i’d get aroused. UGHH I WANNA CRY. WHAT IF I NEVER GET AROUSED DURING SEX????? THEN I CANT HAVE KIDS AND ILL HAVE TO LEAVE MY HUSBAD FOR A WIFE?!?!?!? that sounds so wrong. I HATE MY LIFE I WANT TO JUST LEAVE THIS PLANET FOREVER AND EVER. it’s not fair. i want to have sex with guys and i want him to hold me and kiss me and touch me UGHHHH WHY ME. WHY MEEEEE FUCK😢 everyone reading this probably thinks i’m in denial and a lesbian/bi but i don’t think i am. i really don’t want to do things with girls i just see them as friends. this recovery would be so easy if i could just stop being aroused by boobs. maybe it’s cus i have small boobs so i want some too. but what if i’m just saying that to protect myself from the truth that i’m gay. what if i am gay.😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓 MY LIFE IS OVER. I DONT KNOW HOW YOU LESBIANS DO IT AND LIKE GIRLS AND SHIT BUT I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT. IM NOT YOU 😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞😞 please someone save me 😭😭😭😭

Sexual Orientation OCD

agricultural...

Date posted: 4y

I didnt get this at all. You started watching lesbian porn after hocd or before hocd?

helplesslime...

Date posted: 4y

before, i’ve always watched but hocd almost forced me to watch it even if i don’t want to in that moment

agricultural...

Date posted: 4y

@ocdear I see, ocd can create thoughts, sensations and urges. But the point is they are unwanted even though how real they feel. Best way to cope with it is just letting them come and pass, you dont need to try to find answers or stopping the thoughts, because it is impossible for you. And about the lesbian porn, I cant really give you reassurance. But so many staright women watch it, and the things that you mentioned seems similar to the orther straight females who likes lesbian porn. There can be so many reasons why you like it. Try to sit with the toughts

tulipsharma

Date posted: 4y

Hey I am having the same kind of things happening to me we can talk and discuss if you want to

tulipsharma

Date posted: 4y

literally almost the same thing is happening to me

tulipsharma

Date posted: 4y

can I get your Instagram so we can talk properly about it in detail

helplesslime...

Date posted: 4y

it’s @xmasbitchfont

tulipsharma

Date posted: 4y

I have sent you a follow request

helplesslime...

Date posted: 4y

i sent u a DM

nGfloat

Date posted: 4y

Take a deep breath. OCD can be tricky and there is a funny thing that people describe called the stressgasm. It describes how, when wrapped in OCD-world, you can orgasm super quickly to unwanted thoughts. Don’t know why it happens, but you are definitely not alone. The OCD has compelled me to check with gay stuff and men in my head countless times. I almost can’t masturbate without bouncing back and forth to check even though it is distressing.

helplesslime...

Date posted: 4y

but i don’t think this is a stressgasm, i think it’s a real gasm 😢

nGfloat

Date posted: 4y

@ocdear And I’m sure you worry it is a real attraction like everyone else on here. It is a “real gasm” in that you had an actual orgasm, but it is possible to orgasm to literally anything. You need to try to float above the thoughts and not ruminate. It makes it much worse. And for the love of god please try to cut down on masturbation while you are still in the middle of OCD or obsessing. Some people say you shouldn’t stop because that is a compulsion but, for me at least, it is just too easy to test myself to the thoughts and then confuse myself even more.

tulipsharma

Date posted: 4y

@nGfloat Can someone exactly explain me what is the meaning rumination

nGfloat

Date posted: 4y

@tulipsharma1004 Overthinking, engaging with the thoughts, trying to think how you feel about your theme.

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