Can someone please help me, so before HOCD happened I used to watch sexual scenes Girl and boy. I have been avoiding all these kinds of scenes cuz then I think what if I am attracted to the women not the man. Is this a compulsion my mind always goes like you don't watch it because you know then it will prove that you are attracted to women.

This is a great explanation..I used to practice ERP by listening to podcasts about late bloomer lesbians for almost a year. At the time it was the right thing, because it was a way to face my worst fear: to realize that I am a lesbian and leaving my partner. But after a while it also turned into a compulsion, bc I often would feel relief if they were talking about experiences that were different from my own. And I also felt like I had to listen to every episode to make sure, I checked all the boxes and to keep OCD at bay. For the last two months I have stopped with these on-purpose exposures. It still is a kind of exposure as I am letting go of the control it gave me over my anxiety and that is scary. It's also scary to know that there are now a lot of new episodes that I haven't checked yet. But I am so much better since I stopped listening to them. My thoughts are so much less frequent lately. I feel a degree of happiness, lightness and love that I haven't felt in almost two years! I am still practicing ERP, by letting thoughts come in as they are and trying to respond to them in a mindful way. Last week a friend recommend a movie with a lesbian love story to me and I watched it even though I still feel a little uncomfortable. I went to physical therapy even though I had thoughts about my therapist before and felt uneasy. I am not avoiding anything, I watch movies or read books with gay storylines, but I also don't seek out triggers anymore on purpose as long as I am feeling this good. I hope I am on the right path with this 🙏

I just had the urge to watch it and prove my ocd wrong but then it would be solving the problem and then it might backfire after wards