does not being boy crazy mean im gay or bisexual ?

same with me, are you still going through HOCD? they exaggerate these female things so much for me

@lilyy1 Yeah it's on and off. It's been like that for 7 years. The anxiety left quickly after it began, but the doubt never did and then had a huge anxiety spike a few months ago and it's on and off. That's what it latches to on the most, the celebrities 🙃

@thebeginning do you know deep down you’re straight? im sorry about what you’re going through

@lilyy1 I mean, I guess yeah? I've never seen girls that way, but it's at that stage where even without the anxiety I don't even know anymore, saying I was a girlfriend or I'm bi/ gay feels wrong but saying I'm straight feels like I'm lying sometimes. How did it start for you? I'm glad someone relates to the boy crazy thing. I'm sorry you're going through this, too, it sucks.

@thebeginning it all started when i realized how boy crazy my friends were. they wanted to marry bts members, tik tokers, Harry Potter characters, and tvd characters but i never felt this way. i was into boys at my school but i never obsessed over it, it was just a crush, i was into the girls in shows, not in the romantic way but for some reason, i began convincing myself that i was into girls. i was so confused by how i knew nothing about bts while every other girl did

@lilyy1 Oh my gosh... are you me?! I relate so much!! It's so nice to see someone who understands. Every with hocd is either in a relatioship (I have never dated which scares me as well) or say they were boy crazy before hocd hit. But I understand so much. It doesn't mean anything! But man ocd has convinced me that exact way even if mine started a little differently.

@thebeginning how did yours start? im mainly scared because i don’t picture myself with a woman, it’s not truly me, and my family would be ashamed if i did

@lilyy1 I feel that too! All this time it's felt like I just wasn't allowing myself because of religion but I can't picture myself with a woman. Mine started because I was on tumblr and I was probably about to follow someone and (trigger warning now that I know your story) My brain goes “Hey, have you noticed that people with profile pictures of celebrities or characters with the same sex are often gay/ bi?" And that triggered the panic and the "Wait, am I?!" question because back then Elsa from frozen was my profile picture. I was 14/15 then.

@thebeginning i did that too, i used santana from glee as my pfp for some time, which now, is kind of scaring me but how did you get over that ?

@lilyy1 I didn’t hahaha. I freaking panicked and it's been about 6 years and even if the anxiety died down, the doubt never left me and it would attack from time to time. I don’t remember if I changed my pfp because of that, but I still had pfps of other women later on(quickly after that, I got obsessed with Once Upon a Time and my fave character was the Wicked witch of the west) and my ocd tries to trap me with the celebrities. Hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, the situation sucks, but it’s comforting to find someone who relates.

@thebeginning lol you’re good, are you doing erp ?

@lilyy1 Nope! I haven't been diagnosed. I just found out about hocd back in september and I'm afraid to tell my parents. How about you?

@thebeginning im doing it, also, do you know others who used celebrities and such as their pfp? im getting kind of worries

@lilyy1 Yes I've seen people who do that. I follow this girl on tumblr who does and she likes a lot of female celebrities, too. I'm pretty sure she's straight but I got the urge to ask her but I didn't want to seem creepy lol

@lilyy1 Are you diagnosed or are you doing erp on your own? How's it going?

@thebeginning did you ever make it like your wallpaper and stuff like that ?

@lilyy1 Oh gosh you brought a memory I forgot I had 😟 But yes with Lady Gaga. I didn't have it for long though but idk

@thebeginning do you think all these things make us gay or bisexual ?

@lilyy1 I mean I hope not

@thebeginning can we text privately for support ?

@lilyy1 Sure! Where? There's also a group chat on instagram if you have an account. Just message hocdawareness on there and ask her to add you! Warning though, there's a lesbian there with straight/ bi ocd if you're easily triggered. She's nice and understands what we're going through though (The rest of us in that group chat are straight.)

@lilyy1 https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100929172825AAM44ee this might help

@thebeginning thank you, that really helped, but now, it’s like im convinced these female obsessions were actually crushes and im just really dcared

@lilyy1 It happens to me, too. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better but there's really no arguing with ocd. The best we can do is try to not give it meaning?

@thebeginning ok, ill try, im in the gc, what’s your username?

@lilyy1 The same as here. Were you added recently?

@thebeginning yeah

@lilyy1 What's your name on there?

@thebeginning Emilyy_kwan

yeah, probably lol

@lilyy1 Done!