I took an “am i bisexual quiz?” about 6 weeks ago, 2 weeks before my HOCD relapse. was me taking that quiz a compulsion? (i got straight as my answer) for background, I have suffered from this theme on and off for 7 years, since I was 12. not looking for reassurance, trying to weed out the compulsive behavior the remains after an episode.

even though i wasn’t actively obsessing?

@missbluesky why did you take the quiz?

@Anonymous because I kept getting thoughts that i was bi and i was like “jesus fine let’s FIGURE IT OUT” i was like laughing while i took it because it was ridiculous

@Anonymous to make things clear- a compulsion is a response to an obsession. you do it because you think it’s going to provide you with an answer. compulsions can be checking, ruminations, reassurance, comparisons, etc. however, it usually doesn’t answer your question and it makes you obsess about that thought even more.

@Anonymous that’s the thing though, i only took one quiz. i didn’t feel the need to compulsively google or ruminate either, that happened after I had a panic attack and fell into relapse

@missbluesky so it sounds like you were looking for reassurance to your obsessive intrusive thoughts! im no therapist but that really sounds like a compulsion to me

@missbluesky you didn’t think about the question at all during those two weeks?

@Anonymous i did a little but it wasn’t causing me debilitating anxiety, it was more like “shutup brain!”

@missbluesky like i’ve had this obsession for so long it’s more like an annoyance at this point but i worry that means i’m just suppressing myself

@missbluesky i read somewhere that you can suppress arousal with anxiety and that made me worry because i don’t get the kind of groinal responses i used to

@missbluesky my first intrusive thought also gave me the same reactions! i had a thought pop up that i had never thought of before and it wouldn’t go away. everyday i would wake up and think “ugh this is so annoying, hopefully when i wake up tomorrow it will stop.” guess what? it never did! it wouldn’t stop and it was so confusing, so similarly to you i took a quiz then laughed it off. but then one quiz turned into another and i began reading forums and asking support groups on the internet for advice. by that point i gave the thought so much importance that it seemed ~so~ real. i had no clue this type of ocd even existed until i came across it doing research (a compulsion)! thank god for heightened awareness.

i’m starting to recognize things that i do when i’m “not obsessing” that are clearly compulsions and very much proof that i still have the obsession

hey carl can you help me with identifying a compulsion?

@missbluesky Sure, mostly I’ve noticed yours are analyzing, checking, asking for reassurance and trying to figure out if it’s OCD.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett so i’ve had the NOCD app for about 15 months, and I’ve been posting on there every 30-60 days about HOCD. But what’s weird is I hadn’t had a proper “episode” before my most recent (34 days ago) since December 2018, which lasted more or less until August of 2019 when i left for college. Still, I’ve been posting on there looking for reassurance sporadically. Is me posting (even though it’s irregular) a compulsion?

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett thank you, by the way.

@missbluesky It depends on what the reason for posting is. If you’re posting about trying to figure it out or get reassurance, then yes it’s a compulsion. Posting just to offer perspective or support isn’t.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett yes, posting for reassurance. mostly about watching lesbian porn, but in some of my posts I said that I “feel deep down I am gay and in denial.” I don’t understand why i would say that if i wasn’t having an episode.

@NOCD Advocate - Carl Cornett like i don’t know if that is a compulsion or not

@missbluesky A simple way of figuring out if something is a compulsion or not is to gently check in with yourself about what your feelings are and what the intention is. Now, this isn’t about judging yourself or giving yourself a hard time about doing a compulsion. Often, compulsions come so quickly or “naturally” that we’re doing them before we’ve noticed that we are. This also doesn’t have to be something you analyze too deeply. Before you post in the community ask, what am I feeling right now? Anxious? Stressed? Unsure? Do I feel like I have to do this right now? Does the thought of not posting give me a feeling of distress? Am I posting because I am offering something or just because I’m wanting to hear something I’d like? Becoming mindfully aware of what our minds are doing, as well as gently examining it, is the beginning of them having less control or power.