- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Happens to me sometimes. It’s the worst feeling. I just want to be happy with him! OCD sucks. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It’s more like for me “i know” I’m convinced that my rocd convinced me out of it :/ after a certain situation that i would be okay single and i became happy with being single and thinking about being single, then it turned into dating other people. Idk i get so annoyed trying to fight it.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’m trying my hardest to fight. Believe me it’s hard.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Mandy7710 Its like every time i do something with him and i can be somewhat happy, “reality sets in”
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@bmurphs87 That’s definitely me right there
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I still stay even though i know i want too and I’m just anxious about leaving i keep saying either way with the holidays not the right time anyway. See how you feel after. I notice it’s worse when near my period but after my period it’s like i don’t worry about leaving as much even though i know i want too. I’ve become so depressed that i don’t even go to see my mom, call my family, etc. it’s terrible then i feel guilty about that on top of that
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You’ve said everything I’ve been going through. I don’t interact with my family that much. Too stressful for me.. but sometimes I can kiss him without feel anxious. I was able to make love recently and it was amazing I had thoughts pop in during it though. Which made me lose focus... when I kissed my partner yesterday my tummy felt sick and I had to go take a shower so I can sit and cry bc I was experiencing anxiety... during when I was driving I broke down crying. When I think about how I was in the past I cry saying I wanna feel like that again.... I don’t like how I feel for him now... things just don’t feel the same m... I hate it.... there was one time I got severely depressed and thought about suicide. I don’t wanna break up with him. 😞 I hate this.... I’ve been dealing with it for 8 years but this year it’s bad... for the past 4 months I can see my ocd evolved big times..
- Date posted
- 4y ago
That’s wonderful 😊 I know I’m not 100% either but I am trying my hardest to be loving. But try to relax and enjoy your evening
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Idk why i still stay.. there’s gotta be something there that i can’t figure out. I get so Sad thinking about the past all of our good memories. Everything reminds me of how i wanna leave. Every time i get really sad about wanting to leave i run to him and just cry but it’s almost like I’m just doing this for my sake and not his. But there was a time when i went to take a shower, i came back, he was no where to be found. It took me like an hour to realize he went out but his gun wasn’t on the night stand and then i jumped straight out of bed and went looking for him and asked his mom when he was. And i got so scared. So i know i still care even though my thoughts tell me o
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You still love your partner that much I can clearly tell. I’ve been with my partner for 10 and 1/2 years now. We have a lot in common like figure collecting, drawing and we love the same tv shows. 😊 but there are times where my brains says my partner is boring me... which makes me very upset... 😞 I don’t like the idea of being with someone else... it it very upsetting to me. I test my feeling constantly... 😞
- Date posted
- 4y ago
No*
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It’s like with me i know i want to leave that’s what my gut tells me but i stay anyway, why I’m depressed. I don’t get it because i have everything I’ve wanted and now i don’t want it. I have thoughts everyday to stay, or you should stay if you leave you won’t have this, and then other thoughts like ehh it’s okay you know you don’t want him. Idk why i stay and continue to be depressed. All i know is the week of thanksgiving i was good, for like four days. I usually ask him how do i look like. 1-10? 10 being the best, and 6/7 being good. I didn’t ask for 3 days and then i had therapy and it brought up the reality of me not wanting him anymore. But every time i get the feeling that i know i want to leave i run to him and cry and go for his hugs. Then my mind says why you doing this, you know you don’t want him. Like right now I’m about to go downstairs and see him but i also say no don’t your confusing yourself. Idk. It’s just weird. Idk how to get this back because when all i want to do is leave. I know it has something to do with period week. It’s much easier to fight that i want to leave, but the week before my period i have to fight extra hard to stay. I’ve had ocd in my first relationship and its nothing like this that’s why i know it’s not ocd :( meds helped my ocd as a teenager big time and I’ve been on meds all over and nothing is working :/
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’ve had random small good days... my brain makes me feel a lot. I know I wanna stay. My friend put me through the test with that. But even typing that I feel like I know I am lying.. I have no anxiety I’m just very very numb... I obsess repeating the same thing that I know I love him over and over... I am very tired. My friend says I love him TOO much... she says that we don’t give each other much space and that we need to do things to learn to enjoy time on our own.. but I’ve never been able to truly learn how to do that even before.. I know if I left my partner I would wanna be with him again. Even if my head or whatever I am feeling doesn’t agree.. I cry bc I so badly want things to go back to normal again.... I can say I love you to him but then the back of my mind says as a friend... it bothers me badly.. 😞 I can’t cry bc my brain is super numb. I have no emotion and there are a lot of times I don’t care if something bad happened to my family.. I am not even afraid to die anymore. My partner doesn’t know I almost tried to kill myself. Only my friend knows. I’ve been shopping WAY too much for myself bc due to depression I get to the point I don’t wanna stay in bed and just look on my phone and online shop.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
When I have my good moments reality hits and I freak out again... my partner is a walking trigger.... 😞
- Date posted
- 4y ago
😩 i can’t even say i love you anymore, i tend to be happy without him but I’d rather be depressed with him even though when I’m with him I’m like i need to leave but when I’m alone I’m like I’ll be fine but i refuse and i just go be with him. It’s like i go out for rides with him every night, buy shit, get food, just drive around all night until i can relax enough to go to sleep next to him but in the morning it’s the same shit
- Date posted
- 4y ago
And plus it’s the holidays i definitely don’t wanna leave then. Christmas triggers me cuz i want a Christmas and be happy :(
- Date posted
- 4y ago
He was supposed to propose to me in January and when i left in August and came back.. the thought of getting married sounds wonderful but not with him. I can’t even see a future but at one point i did that’s why i stay because at one point i wanted him, i know he made me feel good and happy
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I have a hard time seeing a future for myself. It’s hard for me to see a future with or without my partner. I love my partner a lot I know deep down I wanna be with him. I rather be alone if I am not with him. My friends says that if I didn’t love him like I believe I do I wouldn’t cry over him. She says I cry for one man out of a billon others and that you never cry over the choices you make. I had a happy moment where I can be normal with him and kiss while saying I love you to him. I believe if you truly wanted to leave you would’ve done it already. U love your partner it’s just hard to see it being so deeply depressed. I don’t feel love for even my family
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I wish we could pm on here :/
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Sorry it took me so long. I was at work.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Mandy7710 It’s okay no worries. I’m feeling okay tonight. Not 100% but i have my dog here tonight at his house with me and it cheered me up
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I have a med appointment at 10:15 😩 gonna try to get on meds again for the 4th time
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Well at least your getting medication. I kept taking my Zoloft on and off. So I don’t think I gave it a chance to work. Medication does help take some stress off
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Mandy7710 I tried lexapro hated it, got off, then went on Prozac, got off. But my friend is on Wellbutrin and she’s doing good on it so I’m gonna ask about it
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
maybe i dont want to accept the factvthat i lost feelings, maybe i never actually loved my boyfriend and i hust wanted a relationship , i dont want reasurance, but in very scared i dont love him, because it feels real. im scared
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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- Date posted
- 13w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
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