so i’ve had the NOCD app for about 15 months, and I’ve been posting on there every 30-60 days about HOCD. But what’s weird is I hadn’t had a proper “episode” before my most recent (34 days ago) since December 2018, which lasted more or less until August of 2019 when i left for college. Still, I’ve been posting on there looking for reassurance sporadically. Is me posting (even though it’s irregular) a compulsion?

no, i’m really not sure if the sporadic posting is a compulsion

i understand that all of my posting now is a compulsion, but i’m unclear whether the posting every 30-60 days in between episodes is a compulsion

@missbluesky It is. Each of your posts is seeking for endless and repetitive reassurance about the same questions and events.

@pureolife The compulsion isn’t “posting.” The compulsion is reassurance seeking.

@pureolife I agree. I think i’m just concerned about the sporadic nature of the reassurance seeking, given the HOCD was sort of sitting in the back of my mind and not taking over my life.

@pureolife it sort of doesn’t seem like reassurance seeking to me, because it was so irregular for 15 months.

@missbluesky I’m not sure how frequency would have any effect on whether or not you were seeking reassurance when you were seeking reassurance.

@pureolife i think because it would mean the ocd wasn’t taking over my life, it was just sort of in the background, and i feel like ocd doesn’t really do that.

@missbluesky And why do you feel that way? OCD ebbs and flows. Many people report ups and downs with it.

@pureolife i guess, but mine usually will go away for long periods of time and then come back full force randomly (well, not randomly. usually as a result of going off meds/drugs)

@missbluesky What about that makes it not ocd?

@pureolife I think if the thoughts are always in the back of my mind and have been since the obsession began when i was 12 (7 years ago) that’s probably not OCD and more of a sexuality issue, right?

@pureolife and if i’m seeking reassurance but not that often, that doesn’t seem OCD. like wouldn’t my OCD latch on to the fact that i sought reassurance and make me seek MORE reassurance and not actually be reassured?

@missbluesky You seek more reassurance than anyone else on this app at the moment. What’s “enough” reassurance seeking to qualify as ocd to you?

@pureolife well I am now, of course. I had an episode 34 days ago. i’m saying during the “off season” of my ocd

@missbluesky So in order to have ocd, you think you need to live your life at a 10/10 on the ocd scale every second of every day of every year.

@pureolife i mean, yeah, I guess. but i’m guessing that’s not the case

@missbluesky Nope. OCD exists on a spectrum and it ebbs and flows. Many sufferers report remission for weeks to months to years and then relapse.

@pureolife I guess that’s what I’m confused about. I don’t know if I was in “remission” but it just wasn’t causing me life altering anxiety. I was still avoiding things and seeking reassurance sometimes, but it wasn’t as bad as it is now.

@pureolife i also feel worried because most people’s ocd tends to switch themes, but this one just keeps coming back.

@pureolife i must sounds like a babbling idiot to you i’m sorry

@missbluesky I think you have many irrational beliefs about how ocd “should be.” And I’d encourage you next time you’re thinking these types of things to sit down and really think through what that belief means, just like we did here. Your therapist can help you with challenging thought distortions.

@pureolife thanks for talking to me. i’m horribly scared.

@pureolife so I can still have an obsession but be functioning day to day? and the thoughts can be there even in between bad episodes? I’ve never done ERP, so it would make sense.

@missbluesky Do you think everyone else on here doesn’t function ever? Do they have ocd?