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- 4y
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- 4y
Sometimes, yeah. What scares me the most is that even as an adult I seem to gravitate towards female celebrities/ characters, even if I couldn't care less about their looks. Yeah if they were pretty I could acknowledge that, but I just liked their voices or thought they played cool characters. I've only ever had crushes on boys but I wasn't drooling over every hot male artist. I could acknowledge their good looks like Shawn Mendes, Captain Hook from once upon a time but I wasn't exactly drooling over them. The fact that even before hocd hit I wasn't boy crazy. I know ocd is the doubting disease but this doesn't feel like ocd ugh
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Okay first hook! That man is beautiful. But I also have discovered a lot of times female character we gravitate towards are woman that I want to be like... not with
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@Madeline Ikr?? He is! and yeah I've heard that but for me I tend to gravitate towards villains so I just liked them cause they're usually sassy. As for the singers I liked the songs they sing/ their voices and wished I could sing like them but ocd makes me feel like it was because I was attracted to them and I'm not sure :(
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@thebeginning I know it’s so scary. I’m struggling a lot right now too. I can’t just stil with the thought because I end up having horrible fear and panic
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@Madeline I'm sorry you're going through that :/ But I feel ya. This week ocd has been trying to convince me that I'm just gonna have to accept I'm bi/gay at some point, to stop resisting. That if I just let myself I’ll like it. *Sigh*
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@thebeginning Me too. But in this reality I always have to be with girls no matter what
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@Madeline What do you mean?
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@thebeginning Like in my fears even if I’m only bi it says “Well you still can’t be with boys” and I like boys so much and always looked forward to marrying a man
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@Madeline Oh felt that too! I've ha drinks on and off for years and when I come to the conclusion that I'm bi and I'll just date guys ocd's like "Hahahha bet"
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@thebeginning Yes I always say “Well even if I’m bi I’m only going to be with guys and never do anything with girls” and then ocd says “No. only girls”
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@Madeline Yeah it's so annoying and scary!
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@thebeginning Exactly and I just want to scream that I want to be straight at the top of my lungs, but that would do nothing
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@Madeline Hahah felt that too. Plus it would still feel like lying 😂
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@thebeginning I know. I wish there some pill to just make this go away and then be like bahm straightness
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@Madeline Oh if only hahaha
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Exactly. Like when I watch a movie that has a nudity scene with a girl I actually cover the screen or look away because I don’t want to see it. But hocd is a bitch man
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@lypc Yet we still think we’re attracted to women?? Ocd is crazy
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@lypc I know I’m so tired all the time now from this. I just wish there was a way we could just go “I want to be straight!” And poof it happens
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@lypc Ummm.... not usually. But I can see how that is a checking symptom!
Related posts
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- 21w
As I’ve posted before, my friends has developed TOUGH hocd and has hit rock bottom :// She told me to ask y’all here if any of you have had a similar experience NOT reassurance (she doesn’t have NOCD). “Hi NOCD community. When I was like 5 I had this distant female cousin whom I played with and grew up. She had super short hair like a boy, but we low key had same interests in toys/tv series etc. and then at THAT age I got a very weird though which said: do you like her? And I remember getting a lot of anxiety and my stomach hurting cause why tf would I have that kind of thought about my female cousin? I remember ruminating about it the whole day, and the next day that thought disappeared and I never had that thought again. We grew up and obviously she’s my family like my sister. But now that I have HOCD, I keep thinking about that memory and I have so much anxiety about it and cry often about it. While growing up I’ve only had crushes on tons of boys at school etc. has anyone had a similar experience?” Thanks for reading if u did! We need support 😭🙏🏻
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- 21w
I never read someone talk about this so I wanted to know if it applies to anyone as well. For context: I deal with ROCD and SOCD but I do identify as straight and am in a (happy) relationship with a man. What often triggers me is memories about childhood and adolescences about having the groinal toward nudity in porn or music videos. Because I can’t deny having watched other things than straight porn and experimenting with porn I simply can’t stop trying to figure out what that might have meant and if i deep down have actually a other sexual orientation than the one that I feel comfortable identifying with. I only hear people talking about random triggers but never the REAL memory of arousal to pornography and so on.
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- 5w
I feel that I’ve come on extremely well. I still can’t accept uncertainty. My attraction to the opposite gender (females) comes back but doesn’t last how it used to too. I feel that excitement, thoughts like “she’s well fit” then a horrible depressed feeling and those voices saying “but you don’t like females anymore…” The false attraction towards same gender (male) isn’t as bad as it was. It used to be every single male, old young, big, small, even voices, cartoons and so on. Now it’s a quick spike when I see a male followed by disgusted, I still pull a horrible face and I shake depending on how bad the thoughts/ feelings. This HOCD/SOOCD happened 14 years ago but not as severe as this time round. Then just went for 14 years. Has anyone been through the same and got through it??
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