I looked up sexual images of women to test myself and I got aroused and I feel like such an idiot for even thinking that was a good idea. It wasn’t even the bodies that were a turn on it was just the sexual connotation. But maybe it was their bodies? I feel like I find sexy pictures of men to just remind me of like gay men (which is weird I know) and I associate sexy images of women more with men being aroused and viewing those images for sex. Or - this is all rumination and denial and I’m slowly going insane. If you made it this far, congratulations on not ruining your day with google like me

That’s where I’m at. Because I got some arousal from it after looking at a bunch and feeling nothing. It was just a super sexual photo and then I felt something

@wellwellwell Yep, certain photos in my ERP are more triggering than others. So some will cause me a larger spike of anxiety than other ones, the more suggestive, the worse the spike. ERP has been teaching me to lean into those spikes without starting my inner arguing. It’s tough but I do think it’s helping.

@mallorycg4 Do you ever feel aroused by them? I feel like that’s not supposed to happen

@wellwellwell I get more what’s called a groin all response. Basically my system is hyper aware of women because of the OCD and my body also reacts along with other symptoms like chest tightening, heart rate increase, etc. Anxiety related to groinals can actually cause some feelings of arousal because of increased blood flow due to anxiety.

@mallorycg4 I get that too. But sometimes I feel genuinely aroused by sexual images and that’s what really worries me

@wellwellwell But yes, more often that not, esp. looking at swimsuits and stuff, it’s just really uncomfortable groinals. Which I hate more honestly

@wellwellwell Yep, exact same thing for me. Worrying about the arousal is also a compulsion which is so so hard to overcome.

@mallorycg4 It’s so hard not to overthink it. I know they’re overtly sexual images and that arouses people but yes my head just goes insane. You’re right, I need to start small. This is not making me better just going right in

@wellwellwell Definitely start super small! I remember just trying to watch lesbian porn (sorry if this is triggering) and that was NOT the answer. So my ERP just started writing triggering words like queer, lesbian, and bisexual over and over again until I was less anxious. Then saying that out loud, and so on. So starting tiny gave me such a better foundation to handle going forward!

@mallorycg4 That’s a much better idea. Thank you, I’ll write this down

@wellwellwell No problem, this came directly from my ERP. But it’s much easier to begin doing them with a therapist’s guidance so I’d definitely check into that! I know it’s taken me time to be braver about doing them on my own. You have definitely got this, just let me know if there’s anything else I can help with!

I know but I want to carry on with my marriage in the meantime to a man. I’m terrified to touch him until I’m certain I like men and I’m not leading him on and I’m just not getting there

@wellwellwell More compulsions won’t make your marriage easier. They’ll stop you from recovering and make it harder.