Date posted: 5y

Can someone just read this? I'm starting to get really afraid this is true. This whole thing is terrible like hell. What scares me even more is I learned some tricks to decrease the thoughts and they have worked but the groinal response is still there and it's terrible. Last night I was watching TV despite the anxiety and tried not responding to the thoughts anxiety or the response. Leading up to the terrible response I was thinking of a attractive woman about 5 seconds before it happened. Then a close-up of a fellow male popped up on a commercial. A little blood went down there. Not enough to even change its size but it scared the shit out of me. Was it me thinking about that woman? Increased blood flow from Anxiety? I turned off the TV and my hands started shaking, shaking has been a recent product of this. The thought of being with a man especially sex is still revolting to me through the entirety of this. ( If I offended anyone I didn't mean too ). I've been in relationships with women and loved it, I have always enjoyed sex with women. But what's up with the groinal response bullshit? All I've ever wanted is a wife and kids and I feel it's being ripped from me. I really hope this is OCD. People here have gone over 15 years with this and I can't take five months? I can barely take this anymore. I want to be myself again. Is that too much to ask God?

Sexual Orientation OCD

beanbag

Date posted: 5y

I’ve been having distressing thoughts about my sexual orientation and my relationship as of late. It feels like I’ll never feel normal again, and I understand the weird feeling of hoping that it’s OCD because you can’t stand the thought of it being real. I’m really sorry I can’t offer much advice other than if you are able to schedule a first session with a therapist or maybe talk to a member of the nocd peer support group? I set up my first appointment a few days ago and while I still haven’t had it, I am finding some comfort in knowing that I’ll be able to get help for how I feel whether or not it is OCD and that we are not alone here.

Date posted: 5y

I'm limited because I was planning on joining the military. On paper it stops you from service

Date posted: 5y

I've also been getting disgusting mental images recently along with the thoughts and groinal response.

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

What tricks were you using to decrease the thoughts? Groinals are just another intrusion and you trying to “figure out” exactly what was happening to your body and why is a compulsion that’s only going to fuel more intrusions. Stop mentally reviewing this. Stop physically checking yourself. Lean into uncertainty. “Maybe i was feeling something for the man on screen. Or maybe it was about the woman I was just thinking about. Or maybe it was just a random feeling that meant nothing. I don’t know for sure and I don’t need to.”

Date posted: 5y

Thank you for the advice. I have been trying letting them drift in then out as well as something I think is a unique tactic. I made a few notes, each granting myself permission to help myself get better in different ways. One to ignore the thoughts, one to ignore the groinal response, and one to let myself try cognitive behavioral therapy. They also explain the use of doing what they say. I signed them all and keep them on my shelf. When the OCD is really bad I look at them. I've never heard of anyone else doing this.

Date posted: 5y

@Nate L When the OCD is bad I also say "Remember the notes"

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

@Nate L Maybe write another one that gives you permission to have the thoughts/feelings and not figure out what they mean?

Date posted: 5y

@pureolife It may help. I haven't made any ones for that recently because if they aren't perfect or if I make a writing mistake I worry that I will magically change into what the thoughts say.

pureolife

Date posted: 5y

@Nate L Write a note that you don’t have to be perfect. If these have to be perfect, and you’re using them to protect against the thoughts, they’re just another compulsion. They’re not actually helping. Quite the opposite.

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