So my POCD started because I had the misfortune of running into a drawing depicting a child being raped (granted it was just a video game character and not an actual real life child) but now I feel like my brain is telling me I enjoyed looking at that and even I can’t tell whether or not I did. I’m just so ashamed and I wish I never saw it. Soon after that I was constantly trying to reassure myself I’m not a pedophile, that I don’t enjoy the thought of children being sexually abused, or that I’ve never been sexually attracted to a child, etc. My thoughts never leave me; I’m stressing out about this literally every hour, minute and second of the day.

I have my own intrusive thoughts that haunt me all day everyday so I understand. You are not your thoughts and your thoughts aren't facts. It's ok for the thoughts to just be there.

You are not a monster

You’re not a monster. I feel the exact same way and my therapist has said consistently it’s POCD. Trying to be patient and brace for ERP which is apparently the best treatment for these thoughts. They keep running around in my mind too and I try and redirect my thoughts but it’s almost every minute. You’re not alone

Intrusive thoughts are the inverse of things you value; therefore, if the thought is disturbing you, you should know you value the opposite greatly. The thoughts are a hyper reactive danger warning⚠️- do not delve into the thought content, just know your amygdala was triggered. Repeatedly checking to see if you are disturbed by the thoughts is a compulsion. Try to be an observer of the thoughts- “oh my brain is sending me error messages again, better not read into them”

None of us are monsters, it’s the brain playing tricks on us, you need to accept the thought but don’t engage with it as it will make it worse. In time it will get better mine has. I have the odd thing wen I see or hear something but 70 per cent of the time I’m fine and live a normal life. When it first happened it was horrendous and 24-7 so I know it does get better ! Stay strong use breathing techniques, your not alone ?

I also wanted to add that I’ve been desensitized to pedophilia for so long due to people constantly misusing or misconstruing the word (like I don’t feel any empathy when I hear stories about pedophilia; I just know it’s bad). Does this mean I’m a monster and that I can potentially become a pedophile in the future if I haven’t already?