Hello my name is Connor and I am 18 years old. I’ve been suffering from HOCD for 6 months now and it’s completely turned my life around. Recently I’ve just come off a very bad relapse and I’ve felt different, almost good you could say. I wasn’t overthinking or ruminating. I felt straight and my mind was okay with that. I started to feel like the old me again until I was thinking about how I’m gonna tell my girlfriend that I think it would be best if we were single. She’s been amazing with this and at one point I do believe I loved her. That love has slowly and cruelly been ripped from me by the ocd as it convinced me that I was gay. I do however think that it would be best for us to break up tho because I want to give her my best and I cannot do that right now and I don’t feel the same way I used to feel about her. Anyway my mind started thinking that now I’m single I can be gay and I rejected that thought but it keeps coming back and now I’m sat having a poo and typing right now as I’ve had a poor day filled with thoughts and emotions. I’ve lost my life, I’ve lost my girlfriend, I’ve lost my innocence and I’ve lost my respect for women as my ocd has poisoned me. I just wanna be the old me again and if I can’t have that then I genuinely don’t want to change.

I am sorry you are going through this, everything is going to be fine just be hopeful. Life will get better, this OCD is always the worst, it eats us but we need to stop it starve your OCD monster and kill it

Yeah man, my head makes me feel like if I broke up with my gf, I could just go and be gay and tells me I want that. In reality, I just want to feel the same passion for my gf as I did before. She is really amazing and I want to spend my life with her.

Thx for all your comments. It’s mad how I have 4 good days where I feel straight and In such a better place but now I have one bad day and it I does all that work. Idk what I want to do about my girlfriend tho. I just wanna talk to her but it won’t get anywhere because she’s too nice, she’ll say do what’s best for you and idk what’s best for me.

Hey man I’m in your situation right now I feel like I’m gay now, before this I had so much love for my girlfriend and now it’s completely gone and my attraction is too. I’ve thought about leaving her numerous times, then my brain goes if you leave her you want men now. I want my life back too

If there’s any way you can see an ocd specialist: do it. Treatment works. It’s inconvenient, expensive, and scary, but it’s literally the best thing you can do for yourself and since you’re so young it would save you so much wasted time to learn how to handle this disorder the right way. If you’re dumping your girlfriend because of ocd: I’d encourage you not to. Live by your values, not what ocd wants. BUT if you genuinely don’t want to be with her anymore, that’s okay. Let it go and face the possibility that yeah, you could absolutely go out and have some same sex encounters if you chose to! But you could also not. Accept the possibility and lean into your uncertainty. Seeking certainty is what’s keeping you trapped in the ocd cycle.