- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’m glad I read your post because it is literally the way I feel. 100% . I have noticed that the more I try to accept the thoughts and sensations, the more they haunt me and appear in my mind. But my brain doesn’t react anxiously, like it did in the beggining, but it’s like an arousal which is soo urgent and so powerful, that my chest hurts. In those moments, I feel compelled to masturbate to get rid of this feeling. It feels too real. It feels like true arousal and need for sex. But with whom? With a man or a woman? I keep getting very graphic images of women and they increase the feeling. It feels so real, like I have no other option than to turn lesbian. My brain is in sex mode 24/7. And it is miserable. I hate it
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I feel the exact same way!!!! I get these crazy urges to masturbate to the thoughts and it tells me I like them even though it never gets me up. Does it make you feel like you would enjoy specific acts?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@nGfloat I literarly can get such an urge from something like going to the toilet, it is crazy. I feel like all the energy i’m supressing is stuck in my chest and the only way to let it out is to masturbate. But the act itself is not for pleasure, more like a necessity
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@cnv I could cry. I have the same thing. Every time I go to the bathroom/see my privates, I feel like I have to. I am so confused because I can’t tell anymore. I know I used to love being with women and never felt that way towards men, and I love my gf, but it feels so real doesn’t it?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@nGfloat It does
- Date posted
- 4y ago
i feel the same way. it feels so real sometimes and feels like denial. At first i hated it in the beginning but i’ve had the thoughts too often, it like doesn’t bother me? but i don’t want to like it! and i don’t want to be with woman but the constant bi thoughts keep coming and it feels like my mind wants to accept it and be that, and i’m turning into liking girls, which i never did in the past. I used to watch lesbian porn in the past too but it never bothered me bc i still was into guys. This year I’ve been with 2 guys in a relationship and they went down horribly, to a point where my brain doesn’t even want to picture a guy bc it doesn’t want to go through that pain. I understand you totally, it just feels so real and that i’m denying it and my mind just thinks i should go that route now bc the “last times” with guys didn’t work out. i feel like i’m just becoming bi and it’s denial, but like when i really picture kissing a girl or having sex, i cringe and shake my head, but the those thoughts are just becoming more common and it feels like i would like it but i don’t want to!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’m really sorry that you are going through this. Are you seeing a therapist? Just remember we can have all the thoughts and feelings we want but it doesn’t mean anything about us. When it comes to sexuality , what we want should feel good not something we fear.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Feeling the same way. I am so confused. I love my girlfriend but it feels like I’m gay and I want the thoughts. I think about being with a dude in my head and something just isn’t right. I still can’t shake it though.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Exactly
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w ago
I feel so sad, alone, scared and hopeless. Until two months ago there was not even the remote possibility of being anything other than heterosexual and now the idea that I could find out that I was lesbian or bisexual terrifies me to death. Everything was born from the fact that I didn't feel sexual desire towards my ex-boyfriend and I started to be afraid that it was because I was a lesbian... how can I be a lesbian or bisexual if everything was born from this? I would like to run away from myself and my head. I would really like to go back and go back to my life before. I can't take it anymore. I just want to live my life like before
- Date posted
- 15w ago
Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off
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- Date posted
- 13w ago
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
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