I feel like a lesbian. I feel bisexual. I feel like that’s what I want. It feels like I like the thoughts. I feel like I have to leave my boyfriend. I don’t want to lose him, but it feels like I need to leave him. I feel sick. I feel like I’m hiding it from myself and using ocd as a coverup. I don’t want to be one of those woman who find out they’re lesbians later than life. I’m afraid of being one of those woman who convince themselves they can be into men when they can’t. What if that’s me? What if I never enjoy sex with my boyfriend? I don’t enjoy it now, because every time I try to enjoy I get thoughts like, “you want him to be a woman. You’re not attracted to him. You’re not attracted to men. You need to leave him for a woman. You would enjoy sex with a woman.” I don’t want that to be true, but it feels like it secretly is. Am I denying my true sexuality? Is me thinking I have ocd just a coverup?? There’s a lot of proof for me being a lesbian that constantly haunts me. For example, I used to watch lesbian porn. But the thing that really bothers me is that I (TMI) masturbated to a picture of two cartoon characters as lesbians, videos of woman twerking, and music videos of woman. I don’t know why I did those things. It makes me feel like I would like having sex with a woman, because I liked seeing their bodies in porn and masturbated to it. I want to be with my boyfriend. I don’t want to leave, I don’t want to lead him on. But I can’t be happy around him, because sometimes he will cause these thoughts and memories to arise. I keep seeing lesbians on tik tok and i feel like I want to be with them. I keep thing about my boyfriend and marrying him, then I get the thought, “you don’t want to be with him, you want a wife when you’re older.” I also don’t want to be homophobic. I’m afraid of that. I’m supportive of the lgbtq community, but it doesn’t feel natural for me. The thought of ME specifically being lesbian or bi doesn’t make sense to me. Or at least didn’t. Now I feel like I want it :(

I’m glad I read your post because it is literally the way I feel. 100% . I have noticed that the more I try to accept the thoughts and sensations, the more they haunt me and appear in my mind. But my brain doesn’t react anxiously, like it did in the beggining, but it’s like an arousal which is soo urgent and so powerful, that my chest hurts. In those moments, I feel compelled to masturbate to get rid of this feeling. It feels too real. It feels like true arousal and need for sex. But with whom? With a man or a woman? I keep getting very graphic images of women and they increase the feeling. It feels so real, like I have no other option than to turn lesbian. My brain is in sex mode 24/7. And it is miserable. I hate it

i feel the same way. it feels so real sometimes and feels like denial. At first i hated it in the beginning but i’ve had the thoughts too often, it like doesn’t bother me? but i don’t want to like it! and i don’t want to be with woman but the constant bi thoughts keep coming and it feels like my mind wants to accept it and be that, and i’m turning into liking girls, which i never did in the past. I used to watch lesbian porn in the past too but it never bothered me bc i still was into guys. This year I’ve been with 2 guys in a relationship and they went down horribly, to a point where my brain doesn’t even want to picture a guy bc it doesn’t want to go through that pain. I understand you totally, it just feels so real and that i’m denying it and my mind just thinks i should go that route now bc the “last times” with guys didn’t work out. i feel like i’m just becoming bi and it’s denial, but like when i really picture kissing a girl or having sex, i cringe and shake my head, but the those thoughts are just becoming more common and it feels like i would like it but i don’t want to!

I’m really sorry that you are going through this. Are you seeing a therapist? Just remember we can have all the thoughts and feelings we want but it doesn’t mean anything about us. When it comes to sexuality , what we want should feel good not something we fear.

Feeling the same way. I am so confused. I love my girlfriend but it feels like I’m gay and I want the thoughts. I think about being with a dude in my head and something just isn’t right. I still can’t shake it though.

Exactly