I have been living in a prison i have built in my mind for a few years now. There are people I cannot see places I can't go and things I couldn't imagine doing now. I'm terrified of coming in contact with drugs and losing control of myself or putting me into a permanent schizophrenic episode. Its mainly activated Marijuana oils and LSD that trigger me into over analyzing, researching and inevitably cutting people, places and things from my life. I'm excited and terrified to start this process but it definitely time.

I’m also sorry to hear you’re suffering too. I legit have never met anyone with my themes and I just feel relief knowing I’m not alone

@sheeby Hey I dont think I experience derealizaton. I have had a couple bad experiences with Marijuana. Ive had auditory and visual hallucinations with it. It wasn't really my style so I haven't messed with it since high school (about 13 years ago). I did pick up a nasty drinking problem right out high school that im 4 years sober from. I would love to stay in contact. Im a pretty open book so any questions you have are more than welcome.

@Cyle George Gotcha! Yeah this fear all started after a bad marijuana trip and ever since it has felt like I’m “stuck”. I often fear hallucinations as a result and fear ingesting any drugs on accident. I avoid like trippy things or music or videos too. It’s quite annoying sometimes. I have a huge fear of like hallucinations so that’s my major fear as of late, and going crazy. Do you fear hallucinations at all? And often times do you engage in “checking”?

@sheeby Sorry that’s a buttload of questions but I’m genuinely curious haha

@sheeby I do fear them. But I think my main fear is loosing control of my self or getting stuck in a hallucination forever. The strange part for me is that my fear didn't happen untill almost 10 years after any negative effects from Marijuana. I did use to sit a wait for any effects after coming in contact with something or someone that I felt was contaminated. I would think "if I still feel ok in 30min to an hour I know I'm in the clear" but I haven't realy had that thought in a while. I have shut most contact with anything that makes me uncomfortable and I clean anything that I feel is contaminated frequently.

@Cyle George Gotcha. Yeah I had that issue with food for a while... I just tried to stick it through and eventually it got better. I was afraid to eat anytbing, or touch anything, and would do the 30 min or hour thing and I would have panic attacks that I would “think” are marijuana or LSD effects. It was frightening at first but then eventually died down. Now I just deal with a fear of hallucinatings and panic attacks as well as guilt from doing drugs that started this fears.

@sheeby I definitely feel that. Im glad I posted. Its nice to talk some of this stuff out.