- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Hi wow I have the same issues!! I actually just cried tears of joy because I have not met a single person ever with my OCD theme. Can I ask you a couple questions: do you experience derealization or visual snow? And have you had a bad experience that has made you afraid of this? I’d love to keep in touch!!
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m also sorry to hear you’re suffering too. I legit have never met anyone with my themes and I just feel relief knowing I’m not alone
- Date posted
- 4y
@sheeby Hey I dont think I experience derealizaton. I have had a couple bad experiences with Marijuana. Ive had auditory and visual hallucinations with it. It wasn't really my style so I haven't messed with it since high school (about 13 years ago). I did pick up a nasty drinking problem right out high school that im 4 years sober from. I would love to stay in contact. Im a pretty open book so any questions you have are more than welcome.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Cyle George Gotcha! Yeah this fear all started after a bad marijuana trip and ever since it has felt like I’m “stuck”. I often fear hallucinations as a result and fear ingesting any drugs on accident. I avoid like trippy things or music or videos too. It’s quite annoying sometimes. I have a huge fear of like hallucinations so that’s my major fear as of late, and going crazy. Do you fear hallucinations at all? And often times do you engage in “checking”?
- Date posted
- 4y
@sheeby Sorry that’s a buttload of questions but I’m genuinely curious haha
- Date posted
- 4y
@sheeby I do fear them. But I think my main fear is loosing control of my self or getting stuck in a hallucination forever. The strange part for me is that my fear didn't happen untill almost 10 years after any negative effects from Marijuana. I did use to sit a wait for any effects after coming in contact with something or someone that I felt was contaminated. I would think "if I still feel ok in 30min to an hour I know I'm in the clear" but I haven't realy had that thought in a while. I have shut most contact with anything that makes me uncomfortable and I clean anything that I feel is contaminated frequently.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Cyle George Gotcha. Yeah I had that issue with food for a while... I just tried to stick it through and eventually it got better. I was afraid to eat anytbing, or touch anything, and would do the 30 min or hour thing and I would have panic attacks that I would “think” are marijuana or LSD effects. It was frightening at first but then eventually died down. Now I just deal with a fear of hallucinatings and panic attacks as well as guilt from doing drugs that started this fears.
- Date posted
- 4y
@sheeby I definitely feel that. Im glad I posted. Its nice to talk some of this stuff out.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m new to treatment and only realized I have OCD a few months ago. I went through a tough and abusive marriage and ended up getting divorced. I had my first panic attack several years ago and ended up needing to go on Lexapro. This helped me significantly and allowed me to leave my partner. Several years later and I decided to stop Lexapro because I thought I was good to go. I’m in a very healthy relationship, have a great job, friends/family, go to the gym and have a wonderful life. It’s been about a year off the meds and I’ve had some panic, but I’ve been able to manage it. For some reason, the last three weeks has been really difficult for me. I have different spirals and different thought processes: what if I’m schizophrenic? What if I have a deeper mental disorder? What if I hurt someone? What if I need to leave my partner? What if I end up becoming so depressed that I end up hurting myself? My brain just goes from one what if to the next and once I conquer one, the next one pops up with even more intensity. I started taking NAC and inositol and I’m taking saffron during the day because I really don’t wanna go on back on medication but sometimes my thoughts scare me and I’m convinced that I’m not gonna get better and I know that’s just the OCD loop, but I’m wondering if this resonates with anyone else!
- Date posted
- 21w
I have struggled with the darkest thoughts for a long time that rip me apart and have shattered my identity or attempts to create an identity. The worst part is they latch on to what feels most important to me at a point in time, or very important parts of who I am/my family is. Now that I write it out it helps put it in a bit of a perspective, of just how far my ridiculous ruinations have gone. Essentially the obsessive thoughts center on the fear of being a murderer, and have ruined my life for 15 years. This is totally ridiculous, but it developed so bad I was analyzing every good or bad instinct or personality trait of myself and even my family. This makes me cry but it has changed how I even view my whole family. The instinct to even just say Hi to someone, turned into 'you're not actually friendly, you're a murderer.' The worst part is it latches on to the positive aspects of ourselves: For instance, the ongoing deep desire I get to invent/create something outside of my work life and start a creative project, (this is a lifelong passion of one of my parents), Is disrupted by thoughts that somehow this passion is driven by a darker thing such as being a murderer. It's so horrible because it clouds my view of my own parent who I know I deeply love, and view of people in general. This leaves me broken inside and it is hard to get through every day, especially when the thought process starts positive (I want to start a creative project) then quickly devolves into extremely disturbing thoughts about oneself and even my family. Writing this out has helped I will say because it helps me see the thoughts for how ridiculous they are, and see how OCD really works by latching on to what you value/care about most. Essentially its like the most ultimate fear of fearing yourself, which makes it so hard to develop a sense of identity, do the things you actually would enjoy, enjoy relationships, and in general live your best life.
- Date posted
- 19w
i’ve been dealing with SOCD for 5 years and truly believe it has altered my life completely😀. i haven’t been properly diagnosed but the child therapist I had when i was in hs kind of hinted to me i had something more than just plain anxiety. i’ve also dealt with intrusive thoughts all throughout my childhood and as my family life got worse my anxiety got worse annnd i started getting more and more thoughts that wouldn’t leave me. I remember spending months not swallowing right and practically starving myself bc i kept thinking i was going to choke. i also rmbr spending months worrying ab death and dying EVERYDAY. it woke up with horrible anxiety and it was all i could think about. i can still rmbr sitting in my grandpas chair and just staring off and thinking “im going to die one day” “idk what’s going to happen” “is god real” “i don’t want to die” “what if there is no heaven” and so on. when the socd thoughts started i was 15. i searched around online for help and found reddit and i was like “omg yes finally people who understand and are going through EXACTLY what im going through.” finding that community and this app has helped me so much. anyway i had such a horrible time during my teenage years bc of all the intrusive thoughts about my sexuality, my relationship (glad that’s over), and some other things here and there. i was so so depressed and i felt no one around me understood how fucking awful i felt. i woke up everyday anxious, depressed, numb, and exhausted. when i started college i told my old therapist that even tho im extremely afraid of death i just didnt like living. i would cry in my car before class and just sob ab how awful i felt. although my mental health has gotten SO much better as time went on and the thoughts haven’t been as frequent im definitely not doing well. i am literally stuck. i’m still in college but i don’t know what to do with myself. those years of anxiety and depression have left me STUCK. im so much happier? and i can manage the thoughts way better but i don’t want to do anything. i only talk to 2 friends (literally lost so many great friendships), i RARELY drive bc im afraid ill die in a car crash (only to school and back), i don’t go out, i don’t ask for help at school, i avoid conversations, i avoid ppl in general, i don’t put in that much effort into school, i don’t have hobbies, i don’t want to do anything, i literally have the worst social anxiety now, im afraid of everything. i feel like the only reason im “ok” now is bc i’ve avoided literally everything. i’ve basically spent three years of my life doing nothing. i’m not happy with where i am in my life but im so scared to do anything. i miss who i was before all of this. i’ve been dealing with anxiety all my life and ik my childhood and early teen years made me like this. i didn’t know how to deal with the things i went through/saw as a little kid and i guess everything exploded in my teen years. but i want to be better i want to start LIVING. i’m definitely happier than before but im not living. what frustrates me is i refuse to do anything about it. i know a big reason why i don’t experience as many intrusive thoughts is bc i avoid everything 😭. ik what i have to do to get better and turn my life around BUT I WONT DO ANYTHING. idk how to explain this but its not laziness i feel like my body is exhausted. i think im just so traumatized from feeling so fucking horrible for so many years i just shut down ykwim?? i don’t have any libido, i don’t find ppl attractive, i can’t get myself to do the things im interested in (so many books r piled on my floor), i rot all day, i push off my responsibilities till the last minute, i can’t even get myself to go on a small walk. i don’t know where i was going w this but if someone who’s going through the same thing sees this ur not alone. i just needed to get this out. hopefully one day things will get better.
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