- Username
- Ihateocd83
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I did the same thing before I found out sexual orientation ocd was a thing. I came out as bi to my mum and my boyfriend a month ago and they didnāt understand where it was coming from, Iāve never seen them so shocked. I explained that it came out of no where and I wasnāt even attracted to any women or could even have a sexual or romantic relationship with them. I felt a relief for about an hour after telling them and then my mind just spiralled again. I donāt think I actually am bi. Iāve always been a straight woman. Iāve been able to kiss my friends that are women when Iām drunk but I could never do anything more than that. I read before that we need 100% reassurance of our sexuality but no one is 100% straight anyway. Their will always be someone that will question our sexuality weāve just got to learn to cope with our intrusive thoughts and the uncertainty that is our sexuality. Do you also experience relationship ocd? I experience both and I hate it.
No i dont think i suffer with that. It feels like i find men attractive tho. Or is it all in my head i dont know š
I cant imagine doing anything with a bloke. But then my mind tells me thats what i want and i like penises ?. It disgusts me even writeing that
I couldnāt imagine doing anything with the same sex either. Itās crazy that our minds are making us doubt our sexuality. My mind seems to spiral about sexuality and then it focuses on my feelings for my boyfriend and if theyāre actually real. Iām sick of my mind needing 100% reassurance on everything, it sucks.
Have you felt like this for a while or only recently? Mine only started in lockdown as Iām not working.
Ive had this going on since i was 22. Im 37 now but things are a lot worse at the moment
Oh wow. Thatās a long time to be dealing with this. Iām sorry itās been that long. Are you in lockdown?
Yes are you ?
Yeah I think thatās what caused mine. I was fine before lockdown and then all of a sudden I was getting intrusive thoughts I couldnāt get rid of. I canāt wait for this all to be over. 2020 has just been the worst year.
@elisha124 Yeah this has literally been the worst year of my life. I feel like my ocd says to me ive always liked men even when i was at school. Which is a load of bollocks because this started at 22 š¤·āāļø
I feel you man
Going through the same thing right now, youāre not alone. My OCD came out of nowhere in 2019 when we had just moved and it was hard to find a job so I spent most of my time at home alone while my husband worked. The all of a sudden, one day the āwhat if Iām a lesbian or biā thought popped into my head and itās been astuck ever since. I feel like I was kind of in my own little quarantine due to life circumstances and it definitely contributed to this. Sitting at home alone with our thoughts would probably make anyone go crazy. Iām doing ERP through NOCD right now and Iām currently in a rough patch. But my therapist is so amazing and supportive and Iām definitely not going to give up.
I feel like giving up. Its like i find guys attractive now but im not sure if its reality. When i think about sex with a man or kissing them it makes me feel uncomfortable
@Bryan Yes mate. Do have the same problem ?
I have a question for anyone thatās been going through HOCD or any mental illness. If any when they were about to tell their loved ones that they were dealing with ocd did it kind of feel like they were actually like coming out of the closet or something? Because like you know you arenāt gay you know you just want to tell people about your ocd, but for some reason it feels like you might be coming out as gay when that is not the case.
So basicaly Two days ago I found a video on YouTube about astrology, and the woman speaking said smth like: you should look inside yourself because you have a tendency to ignore your own identity and your own true feelings. Instantly I thought of this endeavouring rumination about me being bisexual. Cause now Iāve kinda come to terms with the fact that in no way am I gay. So okay, the thing is, recently Iāve started to think that girls especially have an inclination towards bisexuality, mainly because they are affectionate with other girls. Bear in mind the fact that, since this hocd started, the lines between normal dating actions and behaviours between people are blurred to me. Now I realize that I am ruminating more and more this possibility of me being bisexual, but there are counter arguments like : I would never ever date a woman, I would never ever have sex with a woman and to me they are beautiful yes, they are sexy etc but I donāt want to do anything with them. Then, my consequent thought is maybe I have internalized homophobia idk. This is all soooo distressful and irritating and confusing. Deep down I know that I am a straight girl, but I feel guilty every time someone asks about my boyfriend because of these intrusive thoughts. It feels like I am lying to them, telling them that I am straight, when in fact I am not. Have you ever had such experiences?
Advice appreciated! Iāve been struggling with what likely is ocd for the past year, with a sexual orientation theme. It recently got kinda bad again so Iām thinking of telling my therapist. Since before ocd hit me, Iāve known Iām bi and I feel like if I were to tell my therapist about HOCD then I should also tell them Iām bi, but idk if I feel comfortable telling them yet. So I donāt know what to do! Should I suck it up and keep managing it myself, should I come out to them or should I not tell them about my sexual orientation and just ask about the OCD?
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