- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes, I have compulsions about hand washing. But I feel this is different. I imagine I’m not the first ocd patient to say that. But in this time of crisis because of the pandemic, the line between ocd and being responsible, I feel is blurred.
- Date posted
- 4y
It is blurred! And you feel uncertain, don’t you? Do what you KNOW health guidelines advise (wash for 20 seconds), not what you THINK you MIGHT need to do. If you feel uncertain, sit with that as OCD exposure. I’m proud of you for waiting for four hours. Has your anxiety lessened at all from when you first started?
- Date posted
- 4y
@Madison I don’t wash my hands because I know if I do I will end up wasting at least 40 minutes.
- Date posted
- 4y
@john 2018 Okay, gotcha. What about hand sanitizer? That should only take you 20 seconds as it dissipates quickly.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Madison I think my anxiety is starting to rise. Now I feel like I contaminated my left hand and because of that my cellphone too. I worry the longer time passes the worst it would get. I’m hungry, my back hurts, I need to go to the bathroom, but I haven’t decided what to do.
- Date posted
- 4y
@john 2018 You’ve resisted for a long time. I would wash your hands, but try to do it for a lesser amount of time than usual. That will spike your anxiety too but hold out — lessening the time on a compulsion is progress!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Madison I don’t think I can wash my hands. That would mean for me going down a rabbit hole. It would mean that I was right to worry to begin with and I put myself in harms way. Also I would had to wash the part of my face that I touched with my right hand. And then disenfect my cellphone and the surface it was on. If I decided to wash my hands it would be like opening the dam, I wouldn’t be able to stop the flow of water (my intrusive thoughts).
- Date posted
- 4y
@john 2018 I know how you feel. I would just do hand sanitizer if you feel you cannot wait any longer. If you possibly can, try to just accept the uncertainty. Maybe your hands are dirty, maybe they aren’t. Maybe they have covid germs, maybe they don’t. Whatever happens, you can deal with it. Try to say that to yourself and move on even if your hand feels dirty, even if it touches things. The anxiety will surge. But you are strong.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for your words and encouragement. But I’m not strong. I’m sorry I’m not trying to be difficult. It just this pandemic has showed me that I’m a coward. And when moments or situations like this occurs is just a sad reminder of my cowardice.
- Date posted
- 4y
You’re not a coward. You resisted a compulsion for four hours! Dang, dude. Hats off to you. 🥳 You should be proud!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Madison Thank you for your kind words. But where you see bravery my brain tells me is laziness. I truly hate doing compulsions. So I don’t know what is the true reason at the root of my decision to not hand wash.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Madison Is been nine hours.
- Date posted
- 4y
@john 2018 I would recommend seeing an OCD specialist, they’ll help you much better than I could!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Madison I’m seeing an OCD specialist for months now. I guess last night under the pressure of the ocd event I forgot everything I have read and listen. Is not the first time it happens. But I want to Thank You deeply for your support! It helped me a lot you don’t have an idea of how much.
- Date posted
- 4y
@john 2018 Awww I’m so glad! I hope you’re able to feel better and continue working away on the therapy 💖
- Date posted
- 4y
Your compulsion is to wash your hand, right? And you’ve resisted that for three hours?
- Date posted
- 4y
Now is been four hours.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 15w
This is a long one lol but basically, a couple of weeks ago I went to the toilet (#2, sorry for the tmi). Let's just say it was messy. I remember that a speck of.. #2.. Fell off the piece of toilet paper. This was probably the worst thing that could ever happen. I can't remember clearly but I'm pretty sure my jeans were on the floor underneath near where the speck could have fallen. There was also a towel. I don't know exactly where it fell as it was so small, but I made sure both the towel and the jeans went in the laundry basket and I cleaned the floor near there. Fast forward to like the next day. My mum does most of the laundry, so she will have picked up all the towels and clothes from the laundry basket and taken them to the wash. The problem is the speck. I don't know where it went but if it was on the towel and she picked it up.... Thus, contaminated mum. And she also puts clothes away that are dry. I remember that day she put my hoodie in my wardrobe, and I haven't worn it since because I feel it is contaminated. I haven't worn the clothes that have touched the hoodie. This leaves me with not a lot of clothes. And today I finally snapped and picked up a sweatshirt that had maybe touched the hoodie. And now I'm just sat here spiralling, wearing it. What if it touched the speck? What if the speck touched my mum and then touched the hoodie which then touched the sweatshirt I'm wearing? Please I'm so scared.
- Date posted
- 13w
I’m so scared. Part of me feels ok and part of me feels like I need to clean everything off. Basically my sweater had a stain on it from food it was newly washed but I decided to throw it in the wash again. While throwing it in the laundry basket I noticed a specific type of clothing that scares me. I quickly put the sweater on top of the used laundry and left. My phone was in the living room and I’m pretty constantly scared it will get contaminated by laundry I’m not sure why but that fear started randomly. Anyway I had to walk past the living room to wash my hands in the kitchen because someone had to use the bathroom badly and was waiting for me to just throw my laundry in to go to the bathroom. Anyway I’m scared I went near my phone or contaminated it with my hands. I can’t remember the details fully either but I just remember walking straight to the kitchen but I don’t know. I’m really scared and I want to clean everything like my phone and everything it was near. The thing is my fear is real because used laundry is so gross. What do I do? When throwing clean laundry in a basket should you wash your hands? Do most people? Even if the article of clothing isn’t dirty? Because maybe my hands accidentally went near the actual gross laundry I don’t know
- Date posted
- 8w
Also Im sorry for posting so much about this type of stuff I’m just genuinely terrified and don’t know what to do Ok so last night I (16M) made a mistake of watching some stuff and had a physical reaction and I have a huge fear of bodily fluids and them infecting things and getting people infected because I think that would basically be a crime and of course I was in bed when this happened and worse part is I was on my bare mattress since I washed my covers a week ago and didn’t put them onto my bed yet but they were sitting on my bed if that makes sense and so I decide to shower change clothes spray the part I was laying down on with Lysol and also my chair and I feel asleep thinking I would clean it my room in the morning and also use my deep cleaning rug machine in the other room because I was scared thay room was also infected. So I wake up and my mind is ringing with fear telling me everything is filthy and what really scared me the most was my little brother and I used to share a room and so he had like a pile of his clean clothes on his bed which was by my bed but separated by a dresser and our room is small my chair is in the middle of our two bed and so I was scared that his clothes are now infected and I was panicking so I decided to just get up start cleaning up in the other room in order to clean the rug and I also swept the floor so I could mop later and of course chaos ensued the machine to clean the rug wasn’t working for a good hour before I got it working and then I cleaned the rug and then finished sweeping and I was going to mop before of course I made the same mistake I did last night and now my brain things everything is infected again so I quickly go shower spray the shower with Clorox foam and Lysol on the shower handle and head and I was going to wash it all off later after it sat for a bit but and I sprayed the floor with some Clorox foam just incase someone went in there before I mopped the bathroom floor and wiped it up with a towel I start preparing the mop and yep of course something else happens the pipe in the bathroom I just showered on frayed and water was pouring everywhere I told my dad he stopped it and of course I had to take everything out of the cabinet put it on the bathroom counter but my dad out some stuff in the shower and of course I’m grossed out because I didn’t rinse the Clorox out of it so to me that stuff got dirty and my dad can’t fix the sink until tomorrow so everything in there is sitting in limbo and my dad also used the mop I was gonna use to mop the house to get the water up that was covering the bathroom floor. But I mopped anyway cleaned the floor in my room and the bathroom along with what I could get in the house. Afterwards I start cleaning my room more wiping down the chair with a Lysol wipe and the dresser separating out bed I started throwing slot of stuff away like cards, coins, mail it was cluttered anyway and I tired wiping everything down to clean it the dresser the tv controllers my phone and iPad stuff like that I put some of my coins in a back I out back onto my dresser after wiping them with a Lysol wipe or ATLEAST trying and I threw some of my brothers clothes into the laundry room because I was scared it was infected I moved some stuff out of my room because I’m honestly scared to go back in there because I don’t want to get dirty again. So now I’m lying in a different room typing this terrified I forgot to clean something which would put someone at risk and thinking of how I need to go back in my room to wash my bed covers and clean my mattress but I’m so stressed I have a headache and my laptop is broken I think so another thing on my plate and I’m spiraling and have no idea what to do
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