lately i have been feeling suicidal because my ROCD is so overwhelming and It is ruining my relationship. I cannot take this anymore. why do i suffer

thank you so much you are so sweet and yes i have tried to communicate but he said it is all I talk about and he suffers from depression and it’s triggering his depression. i’m dumping so much on him and it’s ruining our relationship slowly. it’s been 3 years with him. he usually understands me but i think i am overwhelming him

@jbosco4265 I am not one to say anything about anyone’s relationship, but even with depression, (I have severe depression as well) certain things just have to be talked about even if it triggers him. He has to care a little in order to understand the situation, even if it’s a difficult one. He can’t just say that “it’s all you talk about” when he’s not aware of the uncertainty and constant urge to feed into compulsions ocd is known for. Because if that’s what he said, then I don’t think he does understand. Again, this is just what I think. You do not have to agree. But on this app, we are here for each other.

@bubbless It’s been happening for about 3 weeks. he understands completely but i can see where he is coming from because he suffers as well. i know he cares a lot and he always tells me he does and tries to cheer me up. i get where he is coming from because since i suffer from OCD i talk about it non stop. and i mean every minute we are together. i can definitely see where you are coming from though. we are here for each other 100% but can i ask you something to see if i’m going crazy or not?

@jbosco4265 Absolutely ask away hun

@bubbless so the rOCD Thought I’ve been having is “am i losing feelings” and I constantly look it up on Google and I have constant anxiety when I am with him worrying if I don’t love him enough but I can’t tell if I am actually losing feelings or if it is just my relationship OCD because I cannot think clearly. do you think you might know?

@jbosco4265 Oh girl this is the exact question/thought that made me go crazy😂. I looked up online seeing if it meant anything, went on YouTube to see if it was normal and that we just came out of our “honeymoon phase”, so on and so fourth. Other things that I kept thinking about -TW- was, “am I gonna leave him for a woman?” “do I WANT to cheat on him?” “why do I keep imagining scenarios of us breaking up and it feeling ‘right’?” Etc. (Sorry if that stressed you out but ERP also helps) anyway, ocd gives us insanely irrational fears of the unknown and the ‘should know’. Before doing ERP and learning to live with discomfort, I was just like you. So anxious, constantly talking to my bf about it, staying up all night trying to not feel, constantly text my bf, etc. But now that I’m more aware and educated, they eventually go away, and come back weaker and weaker.

@bubbless omg girl it is a relief knowing that somebody has the same thoughts that I do!!!! I am constantly convinced that I am losing feelings for him but in reality I don’t want to lose him because he is so good to me and I love our relationship. and it’s OK I didn’t really get that triggered hearing other peoples experiences make me happy because I don’t feel alone. also how do I expose myself to this thought?

@jbosco4265 SAME. HERE. I always had that feeling of not wanting to let go of him and that I can’t imagine a life without him. So I kept fighting the thoughts! I think a way to expose yourself is to not talk about it as much and sit with the feeling. Talking about it and communicating with your bf is a good thing, great thing actually, but if it’s every moment you’re together like you said, then that is a compulsion. A reassurance compulsion. So next time you’re together, take a deep breath and sit with the discomfort!! That’s the key!!

@bubbless okay! I will definitely try that and I will pray that it works. The discomfort is so annoying but does it eventually get better?

@jbosco4265 Oh yes it gets INSANELY better. It takes time and effort but it will get better to the point where you won’t rlly realize. It took a lot of learning and patience for me but I’m definitely a lot happier. :)

@bubbless thank you so much for helping and reaching out it means a lot to me i finally feel like i have people who GET ME

thank you❤️you are very kind I’m glad I have people to talk to on here because nobody around me understands

@jbosco4265 It’s so scary talking about this kind of thing with people who don’t have OCD

@Serio? i totally agree. sometimes people just yell at me and get annoyed of hearing me