For the past few days now I’ve felt in a weird place. It’s not been bad but at the same time I don’t trust it too much. It’s been a place of carelessness to the thoughts. Thoughts have come it and I’ve brushed them off. I know that’s good but also it feels like I’m in a rut again because I just don’t care anymore and I didn’t decide to not care, my ocd did. Last night I had a wank which I know is a bad thing but hey can’t stop old habits. Everything was going fine until this guy popped into my head and I got scared. Luckily I was able to get him out of my mind but the damage was done. My mind didn’t panic at all and I felt a sense of happiness almost. I hated it. I want to cry and scream and be furious but I’m not. My mind is muddled with carelessness, gay thoughts and confusion.
