- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I need a friend for this reason. I have a false memory that I touched a child inappropriately and I am considering suicide because I can't stop feeling guilty and doubtful. I have images in my head and I don't know if they are real
- Date posted
- 4y
While it’s difficult to have OCD, having it alone is not a good reason for not having children. Irrespective of your theme. No matter how hard we try, avoiding the things that trigger our thoughts doesn’t work. If it did, people with OCD would be cured the moment they weren’t around something that triggered them. The best course of action is active participation in treatment.
- Date posted
- 4y
It was not my child, it was a friend's little sister. I don't think we were ever alone but I have so many fucking "what if" in my head that I no longer know what happened. I know two things: the child loved me and to this day she still talks amazing about me and I don't remember being afraid of going to jail (being found out).
- Date posted
- 4y
And I wasn't telling you to turn yourself in I just was telling you to bring her in to get checked if she was your daughter I'm not for telling anybody to turn themselves in especially if they're sorry for what they did but I just believe that it's more important to protect the child. I'm sure you didn't harm that girl. I'm sure that's probably pocd. if I were in your shoes I would probably just avoid being alone with kids all together but that's my pdoc talking and I'm new to this so I'm probably not the best at giving advice right now
- Date posted
- 4y
Don't worry. I avoid kids at all cost. I want kids of my own but... I can't... It sucks to be restricted from it
- Date posted
- 4y
I know same here and the worst part is I have a child and I can't even be a mom to him. I physically abused him in the past due to drugs and alcohol which I have gotten clean from but now I'm afraid that I may sexually abuse him and even though I have no desire to the fear of it alone just keeps me from getting custody of him they have tried to give him back to me on multiple times but I have told the case worker I don't know why but I feel like I may sexually abuse him. And she always tells me that I'm sabotaging myself to be a mom. And when I started looking it up I found out what I have is pocd. I'm just so afraid to get him back and then actually hurt him I don't want to and I know it sounds crazy why would you do something that you don't want to do but I just don't want to take a risk but I also don't want to be afraid to be around kids all together but I feel like a bad person. but maybe by the end of this course I will be able to get some help but I feel so gross just for even having the thoughts like I don't even have thoughts of hurting him I just have fears or like a fear of hurting him I don't have thoughts of doing it but I have a fear that I might do it
- Date posted
- 4y
My ocdstory maybe at the end of this recovery well feel better and maybe we'll actually get to be parents good parents
- Date posted
- 4y
I just feel like I am high risk to hurt my son because I've already physically abused him before but at the time even though I was abusing drugs and alcohol and I have gotten clean I just feel like I'm still a bad parent
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- 4y
I understand completely... Pocd is hell on earth.
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- 4y
Yes it is
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- 4y
Myocdstory if you ever need a friend I'm here
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- 4y
I don't judge and I know this is hard. Don't take your life. I don't really have a job right now so I'm available most of the time. Feel free I measagee anytime
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- 4y
Thank you. I'd love to chat with someone
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- 4y
I gotcha girl. Here whenever you need to cat
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- 4y
chat
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- 4y
I'd love that
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- 4y
@ayo1 I'm the same thing.... I hate myself
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- 4y
@myocdstory Feel free to reply to me anytime sweetie
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- 4y
@ayo1 Thank you.... I'm so afraid I touched a child inappropriately and I feel like crying. Not only that, I have also another false memory that I masturb-thinking about her. I want to die...
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- 4y
@myocdstory I am worried that I might have had sexual intercourse with a cat at moment
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- 4y
@I don’t like ocd I have a false memory similar às well! But with my pets! :(
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- 4y
@myocdstory Like how do I even know it’s false
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- 4y
@I don’t like ocd My therapist said "if you doubt it and don't actually remember, it's a big help to recognize that it's indeed false" I use other strategies too. For example, I don't remember feeling guilty or even remembering the event later on. I'm a virgin and if I had sexual intercourse, I'd think that I had lost to an animal. (I'm saving for someone special). I'm a girl so I don't even know what to do with a animal. I'd have been crazy worried about whether or not I caught a disease from my pets. I'd have had their hair on my public area. I don't even remember having any sexual intentions of doing nor I have ever fantasized about my pets. Etc
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
Please please help me. I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. I'm struggling STRUGGLING today. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support? (edited)
- Date posted
- 20w
17f My ocd is hell on earth so I'm thinking about going to a psychiatrist maybe they will prescribe me meds cause my POCD is a torture and other themes are bad also But I'm scared that if I start taking meds I will become less cautions about looking at kids and interacting with kids and will do something fucked up and wrong Cause now I can't even look at kids I feel like it's morally wrong like if there is a chanse I'm a P and I'm scared meds will get rid of me being so so cautious around kids making sure I'm not aroused I'm not looking at them I'm not touching them and I will do something fucked up and then I won't deserve any redemption
- Date posted
- 16w
This is my first post on this app, though I made this account back in late September of 2021. I grew up in a toxic environment, and was mentally abused by my parents, included being taken advantage of because of my autism. I’ve been suffering from OCD as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a child, I’ve sometimes had thoughts that scared me, and I’d often try to find ways to calm myself down. I’ve had thoughts over the smallest and silliest of things, but as time went on, these thoughts suddenly became more violent, like wanting to step in front of moving car while waiting for the bus, or grabbing a knife on the dinner table and using it to stab a family member. Even thoughts of death and what happens afterwards scared me. Aside from being afraid of a kids horror show for a while, OCD did bother me at points in my life, but they never severely crippled me… until my teenage years. Throughout my teen hood, I would very occasionally suddenly imagine fictional child characters being SA’d. I would also sometimes imagine children getting injured while noticing them sometimes. I didn’t know why those thoughts popped up into my head and they would weird me out, but I would be able to usually push them aside and not think about them too much… but it got worse after I was dropped out of high school without my consent by my parents. In March of 2017, I was at a gas station when I saw a child and imagined doing a disgusting action with them. It freaked me out immensely and sent me into a panic attack. I was able to calm down from it shortly after, but I think it planted a seed into my brain, and it would launch a horrific attack on me the very next month. Me and my family were driving around a town for a special occasion when I had the worst OCD attack I’ve ever had. Every child I saw, I imagined doing something disgusting to them. I was having a full blown panic attack and it honestly felt like my mind itself was being sexually assaulted by this horrifying thoughts. This incident scarred me mentally, and to this day, I’m still afraid of being around anyone younger than me. I tried researching what these thoughts could mean, and I found out about these being symptoms of OCD. After talking with a psychiatrist a month later, I was diagnosed with OCD. For a while, I thought I’d be okay from that point. I thought I could conquer this on my own… but by early 2018, I was still struggling. I eventually came out to my older sibling and parents about what I was dealing with. They thankfully didn’t ridicule me, and did help me with getting a therapist. The first visit with my therapist went alright, but I was an emotional mess after finishing the session. The next time I went in however, I was seen by someone else because my therapist was out. The man I saw honestly felt condescending, and he basically made go to a group therapy session. The group therapy didn’t help in the slightest, and with more toxicity developing in my family afterwards, I stopped going after the group therapy. I did see my therapist at least once I think, but that was it. Ever since 2018, I was silent about my OCD. I was just hoping that someday I’d be free of my shackles both from my mental illness and my toxic environment. Two years later though, a friend (now partner) of mine heard about my family’s living situation and wanted to help get me out of there. I first visited them in 2021, and thankfully I stay with them for the most part. That being said, I was still worried about opening up to them about my OCD. I did talk with them about general OCD from time to time, but never got into P OCD… until last year finally. I opened up them fully about it, and both they and their mother told me that they weren’t upset, and that they understood where I was coming from. I think that genuinely helped me out, and I don’t feel as anxious as I did before. Just yesterday, I finally talked about my OCD to my older sibling (they’re super supportive and understand our parents toxicity). I was genuinely nervous about telling them for a while out of fear of them either abandoning me or ratting me out… but they understood. They were accepting and didn’t ridicule me at all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… and honestly, I think I might have the courage to speak up on this app finally and hopefully find a therapist who can help me. I’ve been suffering with P OCD for over 8 years now ever since I was 18. I just recently turned 27 a few days ago. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long due to trauma, fear, and PTSD. But now, I think I want to take a step forward and get onto the road to recovery. It most likely won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but I feel relieved knowing I have people who love and support me, now that I’m in a better environment.
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