kenny818
- Date posted
- 4y
myocdstorymyocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm in the same situation! I'm having a panic attack over a false memory that I touched a child inappropriately in a pool. I'm so afraid
kenny818kenny818
- Date posted
- 4y
It’s so hard to calm down and think of anything else. It’s especially hard when I know deep down that I wouldn’t ever do that but my POCD is creating fake memories to use against me. Thank you for replying, you’re not alone in this!
myocdstorymyocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y
@kenny818 Thank you... I'm so sorry for reaching out. I'm such in a lot of pain that I am considering suicide because I can't handle it anymore.
kenny818kenny818
- Date posted
- 4y
@myocdstory Don’t ever be sorry for reaching out!! I’ve been dealing with POCD since I was 13 and I am always here if you need someone to talk to. It might not seem like it now, but it will get better I promise. The thoughts are not who we truly are. You’re not alone!!
myocdstorymyocdstory
- Date posted
- 4y
@kenny818 Thank you m.. I need a friend to help me... I'm... Scared. I've been dealing with this for a year
SarahSarah
- Date posted
- 4y
Girl I think I have the same thing because about 2 years ago my son was physically abused. I had visited for a couple hours but then I left after that his dad who he lived with started ignoring me. Two weeks later I found out he was in the hospital. I was furious but when I found out he was in the hospital for a week I didn't understand and I was totally confused because that was around the time I had visited. For the longest time I blamed his dad for what happened. then 6 months down the road I started having memories of me hurting him. To this day I honestly cannot tell you what happened. I think I made those memories up in my head because I was there when it happened or at least the same day it happened but I didn't have these memories right after it happened I didn't have these memories until 6 months later which makes no sense to me
SarahSarah
- Date posted
- 4y
But then I developed pcod because I believe I abused my kid but I'm not even sure if I really did or not I know that I was on drugs really heavy and drinking a lot back then but I've gotten clean since but to this day I tell everybody that I abuse my kid but honestly I'm not even sure that I did but now I'm afraid that I will sexually abuse him because even though I'm not on drugs and alcohol anymore I know that I've gained weight and I'm insecure and I feel like if I physically abuse him that nothing would stop me from sexually abusing him and sometimes I believe that I'm a really bad person and I don't even understand what led me to physically abusing him I don't even know if I really did which scares me because if I did abuse him that I'm having actions that I don't remember and I'm afraid to get him back
kenny818kenny818
- Date posted
- 4y
First off, congrats on getting sober! That’s an amazing accomplishment and you should be so proud. I’m really sorry that your son got hurt and that your ocd is trying to trick you into thinking you were the one who hurt him. In my experience, OCD tends to create these false memories and then we feel like the worst people imaginable when none of it really happened. I’m here if you ever need to talk!!
SarahSarah
- Date posted
- 4y
literally everybody told me that I didn't do it my mom my dad but of course they weren't there but even his case worker and DCF told me that I didn't do it. I even turned myself into the police and I never got arrested and I couldn't understand why but it's so hard for me to believe that I did not hurt him because I was there that day and I think my mind made up all these things that I did but I don't know
SarahSarah
- Date posted
- 4y
But I was on drugs really bad and I do believe that I did have anger problems but I never had any memories of hurting him until several months later until after I found out that he was abused the day I was there
SarahSarah
- Date posted
- 4y
Well I don't believe I have anger problems I believe that I had them
kenny818kenny818
- Date posted
- 4y
That sounds like a really bad case of coincidence to me. Just because you saw him that day doesn’t mean that you were the one who abused him! But, OCD can have a pretty loud and unrelenting voice so I totally understand why you’d doubt yourself.
SarahSarah
- Date posted
- 4y
somebody told me it's just something that I will never know I will never know if I actually heard him or not all I can do is get better but it really does bother me not knowing because it's like now I have to be afraid that I may hurt him in the future
kenny818kenny818
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s tough enough having to deal with your son being hurt but to have your OCD trying to convince you that you hurt him on top of that has to be torture.
SarahSarah
- Date posted
- 4y
Truth be told I still believe I did it I mean I was on drugs I was there that day looking back on it I have seen pictures of myself and I think that I look really mean in them which are all reasons why I believe I did it and then I believe that I kicked in the head for the longest time I thought that I tripped over him and that it wasn't even that same day but I think I may have twisted it into me kicking him the head when really I tripped over him and it wasn't even that day but honestly I will never know I know that his dad was also on drugs the same I was and I know that he also had anger issues because of the drugs so it's really hard to tell and I don't think I will ever truly know but I feel better just telling myself that I did it so that way I can change I think that's what caused me to get clean. But now it's like I wish I did know because I don't want to be afraid that I'm going to hurt him in the future they keep trying to give him back to me and I want to take him and I just want to be a good mom and I'm scared
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