I haven’t been professionally diagnosed with POCD but I’m pretty sure I have it. I keep having to question myself if I’m genuinely disgusted at the thought of being sexually attracted to children or if I enjoy it. I also can’t even tell if I’ve even felt guilt or shame at the thought of being sexually attracted to children. All I know is that I’m scared of the idea I might be turning into a pedophile and start developing an attraction to kids. Like I honestly don’t know what I’m feeling anymore and it scares me. I’m even getting thoughts like “What if your dad is a pedophile?” or “What could be so bad about it? Just stop being in denial and admit you’ve got a thing for kiddie porn.” My brain is constantly creating these new thoughts and I hate it so much.

Hi. I'm so sorry you are going through this, I've been there and it's a very dark, frightening place. What helps me when I have an OCD spike is relying on my morals. I know that I'm not capable of hurting a child in any way. OCD is a disease of doubt and harps on what's important to you. I'm happy to talk anytime, I know what you are going through and I'm here for you.

I haven’t been diagnosed either but my thought pattern is similar to yours, I also keep getting new and worse thoughts once I try to accept that my mind is thinking them. It’ll shift focus onto something else to try to prove to me that I do actually need to worry

I havent neen diagnosed but i think i have the same and ive been scared. Sometimes when news about kiddie porn comes up, i feel disgusted but at the same time my brain is like curious about it. Like it doesnt feel like it really happens cause its just so hard to comprehend a kid doing such things and it makes me sad like why would anyone corrupt things like thay but also i feel scared cause why do you feel so curious about what goes on in videos like those? Am i a pedo?

@Rosecoloregirl You being curious about what happened in a video does not make a pedo @jadedrops it's possible that you have pocd but chances are you also don't have it and you're maybe just "curious" about this subject. If you have pocd, it doesn't mean that you're a pedophile, it's just intrusive thoughts that are popping into your brain and make you think this

I haven’t been properly diagnosed but I just met with my new therapist yesterday and let me tell you I was terrified talking about it, really uncomfortable and now I’m ruminating that because I didn’t tell her that I get groinal response when the thoughts happen that she’s going to change her mind about what she thinks I am.

@isai If your therapist is thoroughly trained in OCD, they will not think anything bad about you. Just like cancer, OCD is a disease, not a choice.

@NatashaP she seems to know about it but she’s not an expert I don’t think she seemed confused by some of the things I said to her. Like that purposely trying to shove out the thoughts only makes them worse, that you’re supposed to let them pass on their own. So I’m just anxious that if she isn’t as experienced in this as I hope she’s going to change her mind as soon as I say groinal response.