Need advice. I’m having trouble accepting that my boyfriend is moving in with a group of people I don’t know. We have never lived together but always planned on moving in soon. He’s now moving in with people I don’t know and can’t help he’s leaving me behind. I’m trying so hard to understand and I just can’t. Every time I think about it I feel sick to my stomach. It’s going to break our relationship. It’s irrational but I still feel it. I just can’t let it go for some reason. Reassurance isn’t even an option here and I’m terrified we are going to break up.

Relationship OCD

Ketaqueen

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Time for uncertainty statements! Sit with that sensation of fear and then think, "it's possible that this will lead to us breaking up. It's possible that this means he doesn't care about me as much as his friends. It's possible that this means that I'm inadequate. It's possible that he is doing this because he doesn't love me. It's possible that we will never work together. " Acknowledge that this is an obsessive thought that you are fixated on. You can tap in to your lucid mind and go, "right. This is an obsession, and I have OCD. If I'm feeling urgently in need of resolution and answers, and my level of anxiety is through the roof, it is an obsession. This level of fear should be reserved for real danger to my life. Therefore, I need to introduce uncertainty into the situation and sit with each statement until the anxiety dissipates, even if it takes hours, even if I have to do it every day for weeks. "

LifeGoesOn

Date posted: 4y

I’m going to read this. And read it again. And again until I believe it. Thank you so kindly!

Ketaqueen

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Of course, I hope it helps! And remember, the thing here is that hey, this MIGHT wreck your relationship. Literally who knows. The only thing that is actually likely to wreck it is OCD making you fixate on whether it will be ruined, and even that MIGHT happen. So you have to be like, okay, not only might all these things be the case about our relationship, but also... I MIGHT FAIL and things might end because of it. That is in the realm of possibility. It's now your job to reiterate that until it becomes a simple fact instead of feeling like a threat to your life, because all it is is speculation. None of this exists or is real. Your thoughts do not have any actual power except in confirming what your body feels. It's your job to separate the two, and recognize that feelings are NOT FACTS.

LifeGoesOn

Date posted: 4y

@Ketaqueen You’re right. I feel like I’m sabotaging myself and the relationship by letting this even be a thing. And I was okay with it for a while until today again. Or I thought I was, maybe just pushed it aside from my head as to not let it impact ‘happier’ moments. But I have withdrawn myself a bit. I don’t know why I can’t drop it, why I can’t see it for what it is. I want to see the facts and I want to feel like it’s only a feeling it’ll pass. It’s just a matter of actually convincing myself of that.

Ketaqueen

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@LifeGoesOnSF Careful though, the only thing you want to convince yourself of is that it's POSSIBLE that you won't be able to beat this and POSSIBLE that your worst fears will come true. Your goal isn't to absolve yourself of uncertainty, but to become comfortable with it. It's awful and terrifying, but it works. I promise.

LifeGoesOn

Date posted: 4y

Trying my best to believe you right now 🙈 uncertainty is not something I have come to like. But I know I have to. If I want to feel better about this at all that is 🤷🏻‍♀️

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