Success share: I discovered that I have ROCD just over 3 weeks ago and immediately went HAM on self treatment and guided ERP therapy. Today was the first time that I saw my #1 over zoom since that day, when she acknowledged that we had come close to a breaking point in our relationship, and when I first started ERP the thought of her NAME would electrocute me, let alone photos. I started with flooding and did kind of an all over the map hierarchy including minor and catastrophic things, and it was agonizing, but now... Today we had our zoom call, and I felt mostly calm and not triggered during it, and could manage my anxiety leading up to it. I have resisted my compulsions to ruminate on the call afterwards, though it's still a little tough, and I feel... Okay. And capable. And unconcerned about whether things will ultimately be alright, not because I feel reassured, but because I feel comfortable enough with uncertainty to let things be unclear. Do the work. It's so hard, but do the work. I did ERP for 1 to 4 hours per day, every day, for 3 weeks, and my triggers have dropped exponentially. I'm solving problems with somatic ocd as well, and I'm spending time with people I love without all of my mental energy being devoted to obsessing all day. Word to the wise: part of the exposure needs to be internalizing the possibility that you will fail, and that this won't work, and that you'll be stuck like this forever. Handle the fear of fear at the same time that you handle the fear of the thing. Godspeed yall

Relationship OCD

Ketaqueen

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

P.s. If you feel urgently anxiously fearfully compelled to think about something, IT IS OCD. If your body and mind feel as though they're in imminent danger, you are obsessing. Don't forget this, resisting the urge to know and be sure starts with becoming aware of how your body tries to signal that you're in mortal peril.

Anon22

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Wow this is so nice to read. I’m really happy for you and your progress. I feel exactly in the same boat, I’ve been avoiding my partner out of fear of fixating on flaws. It’s such a living hell. I look at old pics and cry alone, I don’t understand how my life came to this! I have a question If you think of your fear, then your brain plays a movie of all the times you had that fear throughout the years and then you’re convinced you don’t have OCD and you just never liked your partner, is that OCD? Ugh, I sound crazy Anyway congratulations on this big step. I know the pain.

Ketaqueen

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

I promise you, if you feel urgently anxiously compelled to tunnel on things and Be Sure, it is OCD. You have to trust fall into the assumption that fixating on something about your partner repeatedly is ocd. But then you have to tunnel and intentionally say "yep, it might have always been this way and we might not be meant to be after all. It's possible." agree with the possibility that your horrible fears are true. The only way out is through, and getting through requires making peace with the possibility that ALL YOUR FEARS ARE REAL. Once I did this, I started to feel actual remorse and sadness instead of just fear at the possibility that I'd done wrong or was right or things were doomed.

Anon22

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@Ketaqueen Wow, thank you for this thoughtful answer....yes, I definitely recognize that I’m tunneling on things when my mind goes back years for “evidence”....it’s crazy...it HAS to be OCD, I never used to do this. Thank you for clarifying that. Actually reading your sentiment about accepting the possibility that all my fears may be real was really liberating. Ok, my partner has these flaws. What will you do now? The ball is back in my court. I see how anxiety and ocd truly are just fear. It’s just fear. All of it. Thank you again. Please post again if you have more to share later on.

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