I don’t know what to do. I’ve taken so many tests that have always come out as me being heterosexual; I’ve made a list of reasons why I am and why I’m not gay, and the reasons why I’m gay list has three points that are just that I find girls pretty and I liked the way my friend smelled when the reasons why I’m not gay list has so many points that literally proves I’m not gay; I’ve only ever been interested in sex with men and relationships with men; I’ve always fantasised about men and have always wanted to date and have sex with men, and I still can’t seem to prove I’m straight. I seem to be having a lot of groinal responses at the moment and I can’t help but think that I get turned on by girls when I don’t feel like this when I’m with my boyfriend. Although when I’m alone and am turned on, the only person I want to be with me is my boyfriend, and he’s the only person I think about. I don’t want to be gay, I don’t want to be bisexual. I don’t want it. I don’t want to like girls and yet I feel like I have to because I’m getting these responses when I don’t seem to get them with men. It’s ruining my Christmas and I’m fed up with it. I want to be straight, be happy knowing I’m straight, and enjoy my life with my boyfriend who I love very, very much. But I feel like I’m in denial and that I lie when I answer those sexual orientation questionnaires. I feel like I’m just lying to myself. I’m terrified that I’d like kissing a girl if I ever did it and I don’t want to ever like it because I don’t want that.

It keeps coming back, that’s why I keep feeling like I’m really gay, because it never really goes away. My boyfriend knows about it as well as my mum and my sister (who is bi) who all say that I’m probably the straightest straight person they know, and yet I still can’t seem to believe them. It feels like I’m denying my ‘true self’ or some rubbish like that, when I can’t be, it’s tearing me apart a little bit

@gingernutter I think that’s why I’m so messed up. I prefer naked women over men but just in terms of erotica. I’m not like seeking women out and have only felt things for men. But this just haunts me. It really does ruin your life

@wellwellwell It’s the same for me, I can probably get turned on by anything, but when I start thinking about it it’s ruining me, I feel like I can’t get turned on by men even though I’ve only ever wanted to have any sort of romantic interaction with guys and never with girls

@gingernutter Exactly. It hurts. I’m so afraid I’d like sex more with a woman but I’m inexperienced and always nervous during sex. It’s painful

@wellwellwell I’m the same, and sex is painful, I have to use so much lube which then makes me think that I’m not turned on enough even though it’s normal and recommended so you don’t tear anything, I hate ocd so much, it won’t leave me alone

@gingernutter It hurts me. I love my husband and even if naked women are arousing I don’t fantasize about being with them or anything. It kind of weirds me out but I was little when I discovered porn and it was my dad’s so all boobs and ugh I just view women as more sexual bc porn

@wellwellwell Same, it’s like I get aroused by anything including women but then once I’m aroused all I want is my boyfriend (and before him it was any guy I crushed on at the time), it’s so weird, it’s really confusing, I just want to be happy and not worry about all this crap, I want to enjoy my relationship without feeling like I’m lying to myself and to him

@gingernutter Same here. Exact same. I don’t want that, I want my husband. I completely understand you.

@wellwellwell I think we just have to keep fighting it I think, if we don’t want it we don’t need to have it

@gingernutter You’re so right. I don’t want to lose him and all I want is good sex with him. We need to hang on. are you turned on by shirtless guys? I’m not and that bothers me soooooo much

@wellwellwell I’m not really, it bothers me too, I do like it when my boyfriend takes his off because I like cuddling him without it, but just looking at them I don’t really feel anything

@gingernutter Yeah! God I’m glad to talk to you. I feel so much less alone. It’s so dumb. My entire life I’ve only wanted boys. Not even like comphet, like I needed to be with guys. But one day I freaked out and here I am

@wellwellwell I’m the same, I always feel better talking to people who have the same thoughts as me because it makes me feel a bit more understood, I’ve always liked boys and always tried to get a boyfriend since I was 3 years old and had a crush on a kid at nursery, I think we overthink the stuff nobody else bothers over and OCD is just one of the worst things in existence

@gingernutter Seriously. If I love my husband and married a man for God’s sake why am I so depressed and afraid? We need to try to enjoy christmas

@wellwellwell I chose my boyfriend and I’ve chosen to date guys in the past, and I’ve only had crushes on guys and have only been jealous over guys, so I don’t understand how I would do any of that if I was gay, I want to marry a man and have kids with him so why am I worrying about this? We really do just need to try and enjoy Christmas 😂

@gingernutter Lmao yes. I’m gonna get off the app and be with my family! Try to do the same! I believe in you❤️

@wellwellwell Good luck to you!! Have a good Christmas if you can

@gingernutter This thread is amazing. I feel the exact same way. Ever since I started to not fight the thoughts they became so much more diverse and concrete, and of course sexual by nature, that I am in a constant state of arousal, which is not normal for me. Or for anyone for that matter. But this made me realise that once I am aroused I need a man to have sex with. Not a woman. A man.

I’m the same, it doesn’t help that my boyfriend’s sex drive is a lot higher than mine, even when we’re together every day for a month he still wants to do it every day, it makes me feel like something is wrong with me because I don’t want it as much, it feels like I’m just faking my feelings for him and lying to myself

@gingernutter I have this problem too. But I think I’m not aroused because I’m afraid

@wellwellwell I think I’m afraid too, as well as being on the depo shot for birth control and sertraline, I’m really really really hoping that it’s that and nothing else, I mean, I was able to enjoy stuff before I started birth control and antidepressants so I’m hoping it’s that stuff and not me or my boyfriend

@gingernutter Yeah, I was too before all of this bullshit. But I didn’t always like making out and dated a guy who I hated kissing so. I sometimes thibk kissing is boring which sounds so lesbian. I cant

@wellwellwell I don’t like making out much either, it’s slobbery sometimes and makes my lips really chapped and I don’t like gooey stuff at all, I prefer little pecks since they feel more meaningful for me

@gingernutter SAME