lately i’ve been having scary thoughts about a time where i was watching lesbian porn and how it caused me to have girl on girl fantasies of the porn videos like replaying in my head whenever i wanted to masturbate and how i even think i might’ve fantasized about a friend who i never saw as more than a friend, it’s using that against me as proof i’m bi, but we all know that fantasies say nothing about who you are and for me this all happened after i got addicted to porn, before i started watching porn, men would be what i constantly thought about. anyone else going through this? i know how silly it is that it’s trying to use that as proof but it won’t leave my mind. and recently i’ve been doing pretty well, like barely any anxiety or thoughts. yesterday and today their getting kinda bad.

i hear you. i regret ever watching lesbian porn because hocd started from it :(.

@Anonymous I would give anything to be turned on by abs or just pics of naked men. I hate that I found porn young and now I think boobs turn me on. Even though I don’t think about hooking up w girls.

@wellwellwell same.

@Anonymous Fuck this. Are you dating anyone? I’m married and this shit drives me crazy

@wellwellwell yeah i have a boyfriend, it does latch onto him sometimes but it doesn’t affect me as much cause i know what i want

@Anonymous I wish I did but I don’t at all

@wellwellwell do you get aroused by your husband? it doesn’t mean anything it’s just a question

@holley I don’t know anymore. When I’m with him yes but just by us being naked no. Like if he walks in naked I’m not automatically turned on😭

@wellwellwell that’s okay! that happens to me too. i do like his naked body but sometimes when we kiss it doesn’t feel like anything but also i have bpd so my feelings towards sex feels on and off

@holley I like him naked too but it doesn’t like turn me on and that upsets me. I love feeling him on me and everything but I still think I’m lying to myself. And yes, sometimes I tried to make out spontaneously and didn’t like jt

@wellwellwell i always have to check if i’m wet enough after we kiss and do other things and i can’t stop but i know i need to🙁

@holley Do you get turned on by just seeing your boyfriend naked

@wellwellwell not really and sometimes i don’t even get wet when we kiss either

@holley Same here. And it upsets me

@wellwellwell this is tmi lol but when you are turned on are you like really wet with him??? because i’m scared that sometimes i’m not like super wet that means something

@holley I don’t even know I haven’t been turned on in forever thanks to HOCD. But wetness doesn’t correlate to arousal necessarily? That’s why a lot of women use lube!

*i fantasize about that

@holley yeah and that one time of my friend and porn videos looping

@Anonymous omg thank god i was scared you would’ve said you didn’t but it’s absolutely awful isn’t it???? and it’s so bad like i literally like orgasm to them faster than fantasies of my boyfriend all because of fucking porn.

@Anonymous do you come faster to those fantasies or am i the only one😭😭😭

@holley haha i do 😂 that’s why i don’t masturbate anymore

@Anonymous omg are we twins and like it’s annoying i literally come faster to those fantasies i need to stop masturbating too

@holley and another thing is that i don’t even feel anxiety when i fantasize about that stuff most of the time

@holley yeah same. have you ever fantasized about a friend ??

@Anonymous yes i have like 3 times in my life or two , one was this girl i thought i liked (i didn’t) and this weird fantasy about my ballet friends 😩

@holley omg ! i’m so sorry, did you think that you liked her when you had hocd ?

@Anonymous i was genuinely confused about my sexuality but i fantasized about her only and i regret that so much like it’s a very complicated story. but i didn’t have hocd really at the time.

@holley ohhh okay, wow that must’ve sucked i’m so sorry :(

@Anonymous it was really bad i regret it so much and cried about it this morning. it still affects me to this day.

@holley i fantasized ab my friend when i had my porn addiction and that was before my hocd

@holley i can understand how you feel. that must’ve seriously sucked

@Anonymous that happening during my porn addiction too and that’s why when i fantasize about that stuff i orgasm so much faster than if i think to my boyfriend. it’s so bad

@holley yeah. i never fantasized about women until i started watching porn. and i’m 16 and started watching when i was 15

@Anonymous same it only happened when i started watching lesbian porn.

@holley and i honestly regret watching because it caused this whole issue.

@Anonymous same i wished i wouldn’t have watched it at all. it’s so fucking stupid and it’s all my fault

@holley no it isn’t hun. you’re okay, things happen, this is the past. focus on the present

@Anonymous well the present is that i still can orgasm to lesbian fantasies and i can’t get over it. i try not to masturbate because every time my brain just goes there.

@holley if you can, you should see a therapist. do erp and cbt to help change your thought process.

@Anonymous i’m gonna try. thanks for all your replies i really thought i was the only one that was going through the things i do

@holley girl, no problem. i thought i was alone as well but i feel like everyone here in this community is going through the same thing.

@Anonymous i just feel like for us it’s different bc we have those fantasies and i feel like i’m bi bc that stuff doesn’t disgust me and i get no anxiety😩 but i do feel sad after

@holley fantasies do not define your sexuality

@Anonymous i just worry that it does but i’m glad that i have someone that understands what i’m going through i really felt so alone

@holley ocd is the doubting disease. remember that. use these thoughts as erp and sit with the discomfort of them.