I finally blew up today. I screamed at my husband and my cats and started sobbing. I can’t handle anything anymore and I’ve been drinking non stop. I keep having sex dreams about a boy I dated in my past and I feel so sexually distant from my husband. I feel like everyone thinks I’m gay. I feel like I know I’m gay. God fucking dammit. I want to feel okay. I’m a drunk and an unpleasant person and my therapist has been no help at all.

I’m currently taking the max dose of Prozac which has made me further feel like I don’t have ocd since this hasn’t helped

@wellwellwell Prozac may not be the right SSRI for you. These sound like the mood swings I used to have for a time because of PMDD. I’d definitely recommend getting your hormone levels checked asap.

@mallorycg4 This is going to sound stupid, but how do I do that?

@wellwellwell Not at all, I had no clue either. So what you can do is order a complete hormone panel from your doctor. This should check levels in the blood of different hormones, check for any vitamin deficiencies, and also for any thyroid issues. They should be able to do this in a series of blood tests. My doctors ordered these given the physical and mental symptoms I’d been having. About 2 weeks out from every period, my rage and HOCD would go off the charts and then when I started to bleed, it would get better. It’s like a cycle every month. Finding this new bc has helped somewhat but it took nearly 9 pills to finally realize that I can’t tolerate estrogen and it caused me to be estrogen dominant. Sooooo now it’s a mixture of working to rebalance my hormones and working with my therapist to help target it from as many areas as possible.

@mallorycg4 Thank you so much!!

@wellwellwell Absolutely. I had no idea what a massive role hormones play in our bodies but them being out of balance totally screwed me with my OCD. I would also look back at your birth control history/menstrual history. Ask questions like “When did the symptoms start?”, “Do they occur around my menstrual cycle?”, or “Does their onset correlate with beginning/ending bc?”, etc. Even if hormone panels show things to be normal (only my iron levels came back a bit low) that doesn’t mean that your hormones are balanced. Hormones levels are measured in ranges of what is acceptable, but every person has an optimal number within that range. So it could very well be that the bc you’re on or imbalances it has caused is causing or exacerbating the HOCD.

I don’t think I really understand what you mean, not in a rude way I just want to know what you mean

@wellwellwell At least for me I overthink my interactions with the same sex. And whenever I’m just normally nice to another guy, I think you must be gay if you are being nice to another guy. But really there’s nothing wrong with being nice to everyone

@JMoney15 I do that too. I also have problems with porn and stuff I watched as a kid too. It’s just taking me a really long time to be ojay