I’m sobbing at work. I’m turned on by women in porn and used to masturbate to pictures of boobs as a kid. That is gay. I’m so sad. I didn’t want this to happen and I love my husband but I know now I’m lying. I just want the freedom to have sex with him without crying. Im never going to be happy. And I don’t see my therapist for a long time. I don’t know how to be okay. Why are naked men not arousing? Why does everyone think I’m gay. I hate my life and sometimes think I can’t live this way.

I know but a normal straight girl would be turned on by abs and I’m married and I can’t hurt him like this. I can’t keep doing this to someone I love. He deserves a wife who has sex with him and isn’t afraid of touching him. I truly feel like the world’s worst wife

@wellwellwell you’re not, everyone has a preference, i dated a girl who only liked dad bods, it’s completely normal. also it’s completely fine that you are turned on by another woman, doesn’t mean you no longer love your husband, you may just be bisexual, which is completely okay! hope this helps

@branzimm I just never feel aroused by women I meet or in person. It’s just like porn. I only ever want to be with guys.

@wellwellwell there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. even if you were attracted to some women in person there is nothing wrong with that either! some people just like to experiment with new things when it comes to porn. you are completely okay and normal!

@branzimm I just don’t know why ocd does this to me. No matter what I feel I just start to forget myself. It’s like every day I feel like a new person. I’ve always liked boys and women were solely a porn thing. That was it. I wanted a boyfriend and to touch a man. I just hate how this has taken years from me. I’m sure you get it as a fellow ocd sufferer. It’s rough. What theme do you suffer with?

@wellwellwell what you’re going through is completely normal and valid! could be due to the fact that porn is not very “healthy” for you mentally, or just nothing at all, since the symptom you described is completely okay! personally i suffer from harm/ pure o ocd and it scares the hell out of me whenever i get a thought of like “i’m gonna hurt this person”. i know i never would and i’m a good person, but my brain just tries to scare me and seek reassurance even though thoughts are 100% not real.

@branzimm I definitely feel that. I see a girl I have no attraction to and suddenly I want to have sex with her and it just feels so awful and scary. I used to have suicidal ocd and that was tough too. I keep reminding myself that no one can force me to date a girl or have sex with one but the what if’s are killer

@wellwellwell just know there is absolutely nothing wrong with being sexually attracted to another female so don’t let it scare you (ik it’s easier said than done). unfortunately many people grow up in super conservative or religious households where these homosexual acts, thoughts, or urges are frowned upon so people feel super ashamed or scared when they get these thoughts. you are completely normal!

@branzimm Yeah I mean I’m pretty open in terms of porn. This didn’t crop up until I got in a very happy relationship with my husband and got the what if I’m a lesbian fears. Then suddenly I got scared of women and being aroused and stuff. I never worried before because being with a woman was not something I wanted but now my brain just thinks about it nonstop. I don’t care if I’m attracted to women or whatever I just want to be attracted to men. I just want my husband and to be with men

@wellwellwell the fact that you want your husband and are scared of NOT wanting him, means you want him and you want men, you may want women as well, which is completely okay! try you best to let the sexual thoughts with women remain, don’t fight them, even if you like them. you’re likely getting anxiety because you feel you’ll no longer love your husband if you get turned on by women, but don’t actually like them OR you do like women, but you also definitely love men. i have a female friend who is bisexual and is in a loving relationship with her boyfriend.

@branzimm You totally got it there: the fear it means I don’t love my husband and can’t be satisfied with him

I’m married and I love being touched by a man and touching men. I never ever wanted sex with anyone but men. I thought about men touching me and having sex with a man. It’s just a naked guy picture would not turn me on. I love giving my husband sexual favors and I love him. I wish I never found porn as a kid

@wellwellwell I understand what you're going through! And this is just a phase of Hocd. You'll be able to deal with it better over time. You got this girl!

@F*ck Hocd Do you ever feel aroused by abs? The fact that I don’t terrifies me

@wellwellwell I just am scared bc sex with my husband is really hard for me and I’m afraid I would love sex with a girl even though that makes me so damn depressed

@wellwellwell I do find abs attractive but I don't get that aroused from them

@F*ck Hocd I think they look nice they just don’t like turn me on

@wellwellwell I just wish naked men were a huge turn on. I’m just really stressed about that lol

This link has a lot of articles to read about it and people who developed HOCD because of the porn they watched. It’s a real thing. A LOT of people have this problem.

@NoRuminations I’m not sure this is me though bc I looked this stuff up as a kid, so I feel like I wanted to see it. But I just thought boobs meant sex

@wellwellwell As a kid you’re still discovering your sexuality. None of that matters. Stop worrying about your past and stop worrying about your future. Focus on TODAY. Being present with your husband. HOCD and ROCD are usually really good friends.

@NoRuminations I’m just concerned that I’m attracted to abs. I just feel like a fraud? I don’t know if that even makes sense

@wellwellwell I’m a straight male and lost my attraction towards women and feel like it’s only towards men. This has been so hard to even accept the feelings. But I refuse to let this OCD make me live a life I don’t want.

@NoRuminations You’re right, I’m trying