If there any girls on here w HOCD I feel really afraid and alone right now

I just don’t know what to do anymore with myself.

@wellwellwell Hello. The best way to proceed is to understand that each sufferer of OCD is unique. All of us think that we are different from the rest. If we didn't think like that, we wouldn't be here right now, worrying about the smallest details such as abs on a man. Abs does not equate to sexual desire, attraction or anything of the sort. They are muscles designed to help your body stand erect and that is their function. The only reason they are appealing is 1. The media you consume tells you that this is the pinnacle of the male body, and, 2. Evolutionary process subconsciously tells women to go with the strongest male possible (the one with abs). But this is not always the case and in fact, most women from my understanding really do not care about such trivial matters. What if, then, you weren't attracted to such blatant physical attributes, but instead you saw value in things like intelligence? Kindness? Gentleness that your husband has? So what if you don't get turned on by abs or by pictures of penises? First of all, you'd be hard pressed to find a female that would. We prefer a backstory to our men. That is what makes them sexy to us. It is all the nuances of men that drives our desire. You're looking at it like this: Abs = desire for men, but the reality is this: Love + care + the way he smells + the way he carries himself + the way he talks to me + the way he touches me + his ideas and emotions + his body and style + whatever else you could think of in terms of your relationship = desire for men. You see now what I mean? Those of us with OCD see it so black and white, we see only one possibility because we are fixated on it. But the reality has a BILLION possibilities, especially for attraction and things of that nature. You will obsess about this for a while but you will eventually come to your senses and realize that it's not a problem. Then your brain will pick another piece and fixate on it (for example, you'll read a blog post about attraction and see that most women statistically find muscles on a man attractive, AND ONLY THEN will it become a problem). Even though beforehand you never thought twice about it. It's only whenever you allow the opinions of others and the overall culture to sway your reaction. Stay strong and keep your head up high. I'm here for you :)

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Thank you kiley, I’ve been having a really hard day with all of this. I think the bigger thing is attraction vs arousal too. I think muscles are attractive like most women but I’m not aroused, as I feel a lot of women probably aren’t by abs. I don’t know I just get so in my head and afraid, it becomes so overwhelming

@wellwellwell Hey that's alright. I had a rough day too, and I completely understand. To be aroused is really trivial in the grand scheme of things. I think most humans (regardless of gender or orientation) would become aroused by most sexual exposures to both males and females. Sex is just sex. Attaching significance to our arousal is only complicating things. Arousal is arousal, let it be. I know this is hard, and we're all coping with it. We are afraid to let go. Stay calm and focus on the positives. That is what my fiance told me today when I was having a bad morning. He made me write down a list of 5 things I was grateful for today. Maybe this can also help you. :) What were 5 positive things about your day today?

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Definitely my husband, my job went well today, it’s been a nice week, I have a stack of books to read, and I’m off tomorrow. More than anything I just want to be with my amazing husband. I desire him and we haven’t been intimate in forever. I want that back

@wellwellwell This is a great start. I know it doesn't feel like it will help, but it does put things into perspective. I challenge you to be intimate with your husband. Face that fear. I guarantee you it will not be as bad as what you think. Granted, it won't probably be amazing, and it'll be awkward and it might not feel "like it used to." This is normal. You will probably have one of the following thoughts: * Oh no, I'm actually lesbian because this feels unnatural and forced * I must be gay because I'm only doing this for reassurance that I'm attracted to him * I feel guilty for putting him through all this, he looks so pitiful, I can't take it. * Why does this feel so awkward? Something must be wrong. *Am I actually aroused or am I forcing myself to be? I remember hearing something about *insert random article you read that tells you that you're somehow gay* Be prepared for these thoughts. Push through it.

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Thank you, these are all things I’ve had before. The worst part is we’ve only been intimate since I’ve had HOCD so it’s always been rough. And I’ll always remember times we kissed or something and I wasn’t aroused so that scares me too. It’s like my only memories are me not enjoying making out

@wellwellwell That freaks me out so much, all the times I tried to spontaneously make out with him like in movies and felt disappointed that I wasn’t turned on by it

@wellwellwell That's okay :) life isn't the movies and you know this. Intimacy takes time. I remember my therapist told me that it took him over two years to understand how to be intimate with his partner. That really put things into perspective for me, like, "hey, not everything is picture perfect for everyone else." You're not alone. I've dealt with SOOCD with my fiance for quite some time and I sometimes forget about what it was like beforehand. OCD has a way of hurting you like that. I understand that OCD stole your initial sexual experience with your husband and I'm so sorry you went through that, I'm sure it is attacking you very hard because of it. But you have control, and only you. Not the OCD. So what? Your makeout sessions didn't go as planned and they came out forced and unnatural. That's no biggie. Most of us deal with experiences similar to this. And so what? Intimacy is weird for you right now, but over time, you'll relax and have greater confidence in yourself. Believe it :) I'm proof that you can cut your ties to your OCD. I have very similar (almost identical) symptoms to you. And I noticed that once life got on with itself, things were not as bad as they appear. I am to the point now where sex doesn't feel super forced (although sometimes it still feels awkward or scary). And I enjoy myself. I enjoy my fiance. I enjoy the experience. I might not be turned on by EVERYTHING and that's normal!!! These things take time. I know OCD wants to rush you through it, but you go ahead and take your time and do what you want to do. It is not a linear process.

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Kylee, thank you so much. Your thoughtful responses have made me feel a lot less alone and a lot more motivated. You’re such an amazing advocate and I’m thankful to have run into you on this app. You’re right, the lens of ocd makes life harder to rationalize. I want to face this head on and I’m so happy to hear you’ve found happiness with your fiancé. Thank you so much, this has changed my night for the better

@wellwellwell No problem :) it is because of people like you and because of my personal experience that I'm studying for my doctorate in clinical psychology. I love this community and I empathize very deeply for you. I hope you have a great night and I hope YOU CHOOSE (not the OCD) to have a positive day tomorrow!

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. That’s amazing!! Congratulations on your accomplishments thus far, I know you’ll do great things! I hope you have a happy new year❤️

sit with it. don’t argue and try to find an answer, that makes it so much worse.

@cambam I just can’t help but feeling that means I’m gay and I am hiding from my husband now

@wellwellwell I just want to know if anyone relates, I feel like no other girl on here does and that just makes me feel alone about the bad

@wellwellwell **abs

@wellwellwell you have to do that. it’s the only way to get better

@cambam I’m trying so hard I just can’t even get through today