I wish I could let go of this. I would give anything to be okay. I just want my husband. I feel like I’m a lesbian in denial. No other girl here sounds as much as a girl in denial as me

Yep basically same here. I don’t consider myself gay and you sound exactly like me so.

@wellwellwell Yeah, not boobs in person but now I get groinals thinking about that😞

@wellwellwell but do you think i’m gay? i’m not asking for reassurance, i’m trying to prove a point.

@lolashewas I don’t think so, unless you want sex with a woman - no

@wellwellwell and i don’t, i never have. so, by that logic, you’re not gay either.

@lolashewas No, I know. But ocd is just the worst. And even when I love my husband I never feel relaxed

@wellwellwell its not a groinal it’s arousal. just accept that that stuff does arouse you and don’t think it means anything about your sexual orientation!

@holley What do you mean? I never felt arousal for women in person before HOCD. Now I just get that scary feeling down there

@wellwellwell And same with thinking about sex with women, which I was not turned on by before

@wellwellwell i’m not talking about in person, i was referring to the whole porn and i know what you mean i used to get groinals and they would make me vomit and now it doesn’t disgust me at all.

@holley *the whole porn thingy

@holley Yep you’re right about that!

@wellwellwell i literally used to throw uppp and now i have fantasies like fuck hocd. BUT i feel like it is ocd bc i know if i didn’t watch porn for that many years i know i wouldn’t be questioning this at all. i wouldn’t even be having lesbian fantasies. if someone les or gay i don’t think their questioning came from that i think it comes from an actual real life experience right?

@holley i think if someone is bi or les they just have lesbian fantasies or gay fantasies and its not something that starts from porn if you get what i’m saying i just thought of that

@holley I think it comes from meeting women and getting crushes which we don’t relate to. So

@holley honestly, i’m super confused on what you mean by fantasies. do you want to think about having sex with women, or do you do it to test yourself?

@wellwellwell yeahhhh see and that happened to me once which it wasn’t an actual crush now i’m looking back and i realize i regret that and i’m glad i know now that that was just a very strange time in my life. i also have borderline personality disorder so part of that is latching on to someone and it so happened to be a girl and i knew deep down that it was a temporary thing and i didn’t meet her and automatically was like oooo i like her. it was a very strange thing.

@holley and the “fantasies” only started happening after the HOCD happened?

@holley wait can you elaborate on this as well?

@lolashewas sometimes i test myself but i do have fantasies about having sex with women (not a woman i know in real life, just the idea) and another woman on here goes through the same thing too. it does arouse me but then again i was addicted to lesbian porn for YEARS. i know it stems from that.

@holley i don’t remember fantasizing about women this damn much i think maybe like hardly at all before HOCD. but now when i masturbate that’s all my brain wants to think about

@holley Mine comes from finding my dad’s stash and associating that with sex so I get it

@holley Yeah that sounds like ocd brain

No I’ll kook

i just emailed u

@lolashewas Okay! I’m at a party but I can email back tomorrow!!