I want to learn more about Christ... But... How? I feel like an intense study of the scriptures would help, but I rarely feel the happy warm feeling I want to feel when I read about Him... I feel like I read and just feel kind of neutral when I feel like I should be like mind blown and crying with emotion... Haha. I know that isn't realistic. But how do I form a deep relationship with Christ, without... Feeling like I have to study him in the perfect way for it to count? Or without feeling that I am bad for not having some huge spiritual experience every time, something I know isn't how he works? Anyone relate or know how to chill out about this / be more successful?

So I’m not sure how many/if any of you are Christians, but I’m assuming this can still make sense to some of you. This morning has been rough. I’m constantly thinking, “am I saved? Have I never been saved and I’m tricking myself into thinking I am? When I’m listening to Christian music am I doing for the right reasons? Is it too late for me?”. Things I know the truthful answers to but yet I still think these thoughts. I don’t understand why. Why do I constantly think about these “what if”’s? My heart always feels so heavy and I feel as if I need to talk to God right then and there to make it stop and go away. But then am I talking to the Lord for the wrong reasons? And the cycle repeats. Thankfully, day one of my therapy is tonight and I’m hoping to find at least a little clarity on this stuff. I’ve had OCD for 7 years and I don’t even know how it works. Any advice?

Is it possible to follow Christ without actually believing? I want God but don't always trust and especially with Jesus/Christianity. I want to believe and I don't but I am still drawn in; it is comforting and compelling. I like what Jesus represented, I like the teachings (although don't always seem practical and seemingly so hard to live up to), and I LOVE Christian music. I love the community. It is so hard to embrace it really and it although gives me comfort brings on a lot of anxiety and confusion. I feel like I have no control to function when I am supposed to let myself be led; I don't even know what that means when I have to think and move my body to live. I want to have a strong faith in God in general without feeling condemned. I want to feel there is a God holding on to me so I don't feel so alone, restless, and lost. Who better to love than your creator? Who better to put your trust in to help you in times of despair. I cant help to think that the Bible is a myth and although if Jesus did exist was only a prophet. My conditioning and impulses are constantly rejecting it and so many times I opened myself up only to quit the next day because it doesn't stick. I am constantly met with rejecting thoughts and fear. It's not sustainable. At the same time, I love him and his story well I only read a little of the Bible and intended to sermons, etc. Another thing, how do I know what is the truth when I am getting interpretations of the Bible when reading, listening to others interpretations through pastoral sermons and other people voicing their opinion?

I saw a quote about “the more you taste Jesus…”, I’m not sure what exactly it said afterward but my brain sexualized the tasting him part. And I imagine Jesus before me and how he cares for me, but how he also technically would have had a taste. I think I’m able to “like” the thought because of a dominant caring man in a sexual way, but I obviously hate the fact it involved Jesus. Is this blasphemy? Is he going to be mad or dislike me for this thought?