I want to learn more about Christ... But... How? I feel like an intense study of the scriptures would help, but I rarely feel the happy warm feeling I want to feel when I read about Him... I feel like I read and just feel kind of neutral when I feel like I should be like mind blown and crying with emotion... Haha. I know that isn't realistic. But how do I form a deep relationship with Christ, without... Feeling like I have to study him in the perfect way for it to count? Or without feeling that I am bad for not having some huge spiritual experience every time, something I know isn't how he works? Anyone relate or know how to chill out about this / be more successful?

Recently, I have been obsessing big time over being the best girlfriend I can be and being the best Christian I can be at the same time. Its rough since I always have these lingering thoughts that I’m leading me and my boyfriend down a path of sin by being more passionate to the point of having lustful intrusive thoughts when with him sometimes despite the fact that we’re both not wanting to go past pretty passionate kissing. For some extra context here, I’ve grown up in a Christian household my whole life and over the past few years, have been getting progressively more interested in my faith after temporarily abandoning it. It’s been tricky knowing what’s okay and what’s not okay to do, especially since I don’t view it as a religion necessarily but more like me wanting to get to know my creator better, show how thankful I am to be here/have everyone who is in my life and show said thankfulness by being as devoted as possible while still being who I am to my core. As for my relationship, I have been with my bf for almost 6 months now and he’s made me the happiest girl in the world, constant hugs, kisses, sweet little gestures that make my heart melt, caring comfort, the purest of love in my opinion and I’m so blessed to have him as my partner. Unfortunately though, I’m always worrying about him and our future together and how this will work since he himself isn’t a Christian. A lot of people who aren’t Christian’s won’t understand this logic but my brain always goes to 2 places. 1 is possible disagreements we may have about how we want our lives to go since I don’t want to hold him back from what he truly desires. That though, may not always align with what I have in place for my life. 2, quite frankly the worst one, is worrying about my bf not going to a good place after he dies. Now, this is not because of him as a person (he’s the best, very kind, sweet, supportive and loyal) but rather, because of rejecting God from coming into his life, and that scares me more than anything. Basically, I was taught that going to heaven is accepting God into your life and having your sins forgiven, and if you don’t, your rejecting the one thing that can take away all your imperfections and make you whole once more, which leads you to not fully making the mark despite me practically begging on my knees that it wasn’t this way for the sake of others who may not view things the same as me (no disrespect towards others btw, I love and respect people no matter what the believe or do). Does that make me sound judgmental? Yea, it probably does, but I swear, I wish it wasn’t this way. Based on what I’ve come to understand as a believer in God and Jesus, it’s not that simple. Knowing that, there’s 2 things that I mainly worry about due to the context and concerns I have. I worry about being a bad influence and Christian as a whole because of how much I struggle with my mental health and how much I fall to my own imperfections. I try and I try but I never feel like I’m good enough, that I’m probably a lukewarm Christian (iykyk) and that even I won’t go to heaven because of my own doubts and mistakes. I pray constantly for reassurance and for peace so I can be with my bf and even by myself and not feel this overwhelming weight crushing my shoulders constantly. It’s scary, not knowing what to do, how to feel, if what I’m feeling is okay or not, etc. Idk if anyone else is in my shoes, whether they are worried about being a not good enough person, not strong enough in your beliefs, or even loving someone and worrying for them and their future to such an extreme extent. If there’s anyone out there who might have some advice to make the fear fade away, even if it’s a little bit, I would be forever grateful. Before I end this, I just want to say your are loved and appreciated for who you are and nothing will change that fact, even if you may not feel that way, I’ve been coming to accept that the more the years go by and I wish for everyone to know this. Anyways, God bless and hope everyone has an amazing day/night. ❤️

I haven’t really been in my Bible lately cuz I just feel like when I read it like it’s to mark a box off and my ocd flare ups make it worse I don’t even want to read. I will read like a daily devotional or like a chapter but that’s like the bare minimum like it doesn’t even count so I don’t know what to do does that make me lukewarm I don’t want to backslide in my faith but I feel so far from God I mean I never really feel close either I just can’t even focus my brain is too loud.

As a Christian there is many times where I struggle with my faith. These days have been quite difficult. I dealt with ocd for a couple of years. Just last year I officially overcame POCD. During this time I had supportive family that took everything I was going through seriously. But before I told them I only told God because I was ashamed of my thoughts and what I was going through. I prayed to God all the time for help. And there was many times where I opened my bible and read, tried to understand, cried and prayed. Though I might’ve not understood the Bible verse I felt comfortable being vulnerable with God in those moments. As I continued to pray I slowly gained the courage to tell my family what I was going through. And slowly I started to open up and gain the support I needed. Fast forward now I’ve been struggling heavily with having faith I often wondered if these things that I say was God was just me. I wondered if God was really guiding me through my family or if it was just them being kind because they felt like it. I struggle with believing that God has help me because I didn’t feel his presence like everyone says they do. Or I don’t hear his voice. Like how do ik what is God or just others free will… I also struggle with reading the Bible. I start for a week or two then stop because I don’t get it or because it’s confusing or hard to comprehend. I just feel like such a bad Christian because some people believe effortlessly whereas I barely have enough faith. I love God and want to follow him I just don’t know why I’m struggling so much right now… I could really use guidance or advice