I want to learn more about Christ... But... How? I feel like an intense study of the scriptures would help, but I rarely feel the happy warm feeling I want to feel when I read about Him... I feel like I read and just feel kind of neutral when I feel like I should be like mind blown and crying with emotion... Haha. I know that isn't realistic. But how do I form a deep relationship with Christ, without... Feeling like I have to study him in the perfect way for it to count? Or without feeling that I am bad for not having some huge spiritual experience every time, something I know isn't how he works? Anyone relate or know how to chill out about this / be more successful?

I know how you feel, Daisy! It can be hard and feel like you aren't doing enough BUT I do know that we can't always rely on feelings but Jesus appreciates commitment to reading about him. I often will read and have questions, or not a good enough feeling and feel like maybe i do not believe enough or I am not good enough but that's not what God sees. “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8). He will draw near to you if you draw near to Him, even if you can't feel Him, it doesn't mean He isn't there!! “All that the Father gives Me will come to Me, and the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out” Hope this helps in any way!! If you have any questions I will be happy to try to help!! A devotional may be able to help you as well!

Thank you though I really appreciate your words and taking time to help em

Oh wow!!! Me too ooo. Yay someone who is writing what I am experiencing! I think I huge error is that we are looking at our feelings as markers of our faith. Thankfully, God doesn't love us because how much we feel in awe of Him, or if we fall on our face with praise. He loves us, if we have transfered all our trust from ourselves INTO what Jesus did on the cross. I too, am much like you. I still battle with this. A lot of things are triggering.. Hearing other people pray, being with others in worship, worship songs, being in church. I cry often.. All because I think my feelings aren't 'right'. God will help us get through ocd. I encourage you to read Ted Wiztigs articles on ocd. He has a few! Here is one: https://www.accounseling.org/scrupulosity-ocd-mending-your-god-image/ I don't think the answer is trying more. Because I already do that, and the more I do that the less I feel certain. We get help for ocd, because what you are describing is ocd. People will try and fix us by throwing us more spiritual answers, but they don't realise that OCD is illogical and based on compulsions and obsessions.

There is a song called Enough. And one line is 'I am not loved by the measure of loved that I bring, I am loved unconditionally.' That means God doesn't love us on the amount of FEELINGS we have, we are loved because of Jesus. (coming from an understanding that one has already made jesus their saviour and put all their trust on what happened at the cross... Not just for the unbeliever.) Anyway I really like that line because of my OCD ❤️