everyone says that in order to determine if it’s hocd you need to examine how it started. i feel like the way mine started is CLEARLY not ocd and rather just a sexuality crisis. I was 13 and had thought about it 2 times before, once in the 5th grade and once in the 6th grade. i can’t be straight if this has consumed my thoughts since then.

like what made you start questioning, and mine started because of either arousal or groinal responses and that’s not how it usually starts

so with feelings of arousal?

i feel like i can’t remember if it was actual arousal or not i want to cry so hard

@lolashewas do you mean something like groinal response? i guess that would make sense. everyone has a different experience

@lolashewas i suppose it happened a long time ago since you can't remember. it doesn't matter and it belongs in the past. you need to accept the uncertainty. i know it's hard, but you'll get there. try doing some other activity in the meantime to get your mind off things

@feethebee i went to the mall with my friend and my mom and all day, i had this weird feeling in my vagina, like just there was a feeling like an ache, and it was literally to every single woman i saw- old, fat, ugly- it didn’t matter. then we were in line at the food court and i remember thinking, “this means you’re a lesbian” and I was like “no, i dont look at girls like that!” but then I was like “oh jesus do I??”. then it went away for like, 2 weeks, but as i spent time alone watching movies over christmas break, i just kept getting these thoughts that i might be gay, like creeping into my head like "you need to think about this" and id be watching movies and feel like a single pulse to completely non sexual stuff of women. and so i did think about it and it was all i was thinking about, but I wasn't having like terrible anxiety, it was more like I just was thinking about it so much and felt removed from myself. but there were also groinal responses right away, like before it was a full blown obsession. like id be looking at a conventionally pretty actress in a movie, and i would feel ****sorry this is NSFW***** a single pulse down there? it was so weird, and nothing I had ever felt before but I didn't like it. I don't know if those were groinals though, or if that was just me getting turned on? I dont know and I've agonized over it for years. anyways, i went to school after break for one day and i was still thinking about it, and so I said "if this is still happening, then I'm going to talk to mom about this". and so I told my mom, she told me it was perfectly normal to be thinking about this because i was going through puberty, and she told me it didn'[t mean i was gay or bi. then she said, even if you turn out to be a lesbian, we will love you no matter what. and I felt so happy that I wasn't a lesbian! I was so relieved. I went to school on cloud 9 and was my old self. Then, the doubts crept back in, and then thats how it started.

@feethebee that doesn’t seem like ocd to me.

@lolashewas i don't have hoocd, but i have ocd related to false attractions (inc*st and shit like that it's pretty gross). mine started a similar way sort of although I don't recall having a groinal response but idk im not so sure. but trust me ive experienced arousal for both sexes at some point (although i consider myself straight) and it feels good. it's not just a pulse down there, that can happen completely randomly just how men get random erections, but arousal feels good. it feels euphoric. it's very different from groinal response, which just causes you anxiety

@feethebee so should i try and remember how it felt?

@lolashewas no. it's not your worth time. besides, reading back at your h comment i don't know it doesn't seem like you enjoyed any of these sensations

@feethebee no i felt sick

@lolashewas i feel the pulse a lot but also arousal in certain instances too and it’s so confusing! thanks for writing your story

@holley but you said that you’re sexually attracted to women so that sort of freaks me out. i don’t feel the pulse anymore

@holley i’m sorry i get triggered really easily

@lolashewas where the hell did i say i was sexually attracted to women i’m sorry😭

@holley i read all of your posts, you say that a lot

@lolashewas i have never once flat out said that i am sexually attracted to girls sooooo pls don’t come at me like that and say shit about me that really isn’t even true

@lolashewas so are you gonna respond or?