I am having such a hard time, I cry uncontrollably and I’m scared to see my bf. He works at this place I’m going today w my cousin to get some stuff from there and I’m upset at him (which he doesn’t know) because I’m upset he said “I’ve watched attractive people” which he meant on porn and it contradicts other things he has said like “I don’t watch just one girl that’s weird” “no Jaz attractive doesn’t mean I’m turned on, I’m only turned on by you” but than he said watched “watched” “attractive” “people” meaning girls meaning he’s watching the girl and idk if that means he is thinking of the girl being attractive or looking for a video based on that.. but that contradicts what he says and I’m not okay with that even though he doesn’t do that anymore. It really doesn’t help when someone says it’s normal for guys to do that and etc cuz not every guy is the same and it upsets me he would think that while watching porn because I didn’t I would watch something that attracts me but I don’t even think about the person or anything like oh they are this or that.. I don’t do that because that’s personal and he said it’s not personal and I just don’t know what he means but also what he said seems explanatory enough and I can’t ask for reassurance because he’s gonna be honest like ya they are attractive or whatever which upsets me.. it’s different than if someone isn’t naked and they are attractive but then on porn? Idk that’s messed up to me. I don’t think that stuff while watching and he said he doesn’t consider girls “hot” but then what does attractive mean while he’s watching ? What attracts him? Doesn’t he mean he watches if they are attractive meaning their body? Cuz he said he isn’t going to watch someone who is ugly but that literally means watching the girl or the person and he told me no that doesn’t mean that.. at least I don’t think so. Everyone doesn’t understand me and they think it’s not a big deal but I want to ask him because in general I’m not okay with that and it’s okay to tell him how I feel about certain things even tho he doesn’t do it anymore. I get it don’t ask for reassurance and I wanna recover I do, but if he said something that obviously isn’t reassuring it upsets me like I feel like other ppl’s partners will reassure them when there partners ask them (even if they have ocd) and they get reassured but with this there is no reassuring thing to say to that I feel... so I’m stuck and upset and I don’t wanna keep crying and I don’t wanna feel anxious around him and not be able to function so I can go to the store and have fun w my cousin and get stuff we wanna get. I have already tried to meditate and I did for 15 min and the whole time I was crying .. the thoughts are stickier but I’m not doing compulsions maybe ruminating but I’m not reassuring myself because I don’t think it’s possible to do that when it’s something someone said and it seems legit, like they really mean it.. idk. What type of rocd subtype is this? Real event rocd ? Idk ugh. There is nothing online about obsessing over what someone said and how it upsets you and etc.