So I probably have Rocd (have i really?) Just a bit of backstory so I can explain my dilemma. I‘ve been together with my ex boyfriend for 2 years and till then everything was perfectly fine. Then all of a sudden I had thoughts that gave me the worst panic attacks ever. Like I have to leave him, i don’t know if I love him anymore, I didn’t want to be touched and kinda went out of his way. I felt so anxious cause i didn’t know what was happening - he was my best friend. The anxiety and the panic attacks got worse and I couldn’t eat at all. After a break I decided to break up with him cause I felt the urge to leave. I couldn’t handle these attacks anymore. We tried to get back together but it wasn’t working. So then I thought maybe it wasn’t my rocd. Even though i was obsessed with reading articles about relationships and how to not leave my partner. After 1 year I met a super cool and loving guy. We have a real connection and I can’t imagine that someone else would ever understand me like he does. It all was perfectly fine until he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I was anxious. I started to have thoughts like what if I’m not liking him that much, what If I just pretend to like him but I actually don’t, is this enough because I am not feeling these butterflies and so on.. We do have moments where I am super happy or I feel like telling him that I love him but the next minute my brain tells me it’s not real. That actually I don’t want all of this. I‘m feeling so sick sometimes that I can’t get out of bed. Sometimes I love having him around and sometimes I just want to be alone. But when he’s gone I feel worse.. I am sometimes even afraid that he’s texting me and asking me If i want to hang out. I really like him but I feel like my rocd will eventually tear everything apart :( I am scared that I want to break up because my brain tells me so.. I have so many panic attacks that I hardly come back down without any medication. I have the urge to read endlessly about relationships and love just to find the answer that I am looking for.. Sorry for the long text!..

Relationship OCD

rocdangel

Date posted: 4y

Thank you!

rocdangel

Date posted: 4y

Just want to add: if he’s with me my thoughts are like „you don’t love him, you are just pretending“ and in don’t want this.. I really like him :(

Rebecca_H

Date posted: 4y

Hi Rocdangel, I too have struggled with relationship OCD and understand the struggle. Do you have access to ERP therapy? That is what helped give me my life and relationships back. If you have any questions about my journey I’d be happy to share and hopefully encourage you! We are in this together.

rocdangel

Date posted: 4y

@NOCD Advocate - Becca Horsfall No not right now. But I will give it a try. I would be happy to hear about your journey as I am really in doubt right now..

Rebecca_H

Date posted: 4y

@rocdangel I began struggling with relationship OCD immediately following coming into a new relationship at the end of 2019. It was a constant worry for me about whether he really liked/loved me and whether we were “meant for each other” I would constantly reread our texts to try to glean additional info from them. I would get mad if he wasn’t texting me 24/7. And I was constantly asking for reassurance regarding our relationship. It actually caused the relationship to end for a short period of time. Thankfully that’s where NOCD stepped in and helped me! For me, some of my exposures included immediately deleting texts as not to reread them, going hours without talking, going a certain without physical contact, etc. I had to teach my brain that even though these things happen it doesn’t necessarily mean our relationship is doomed. I also had to accept the uncertainty that love isn’t promised, but worth trying. Hope this helps! There is hope my friend!

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