here’s my latest thought. “you don’t have ocd. you just latched onto that so you can hide the fact your actually gay. You are gay. your lying to everybody” ^^ feels so real. i just can’t

Well ocd can cause feelings too

@Trobot yeah but i never hear the thoughts in my head as full sentences, i don’t think i have intrusive thoughts. it feels like i’m thinking of it on purpose

@Trobot because i’m trying to figure it out

@lolashewas Like you are intentionally summoning said thoughts Or do they just appear

@Trobot they come about through rumination or real life occurrences

@Trobot you don’t think i have ocd do you

@lolashewas Explain

@Trobot then, on december 21st 2013, i went to the mall with my friend and my mom and all day, i had this weird feeling in my vagina, like just there was a feeling like an ache, and it was literally to every single woman i saw- old, fat, ugly- it didn’t matter. then we were in line at the food court and i remember thinking, “this means you’re a lesbian” and I was like “no, i dont look at girls like that!” but then I was like “oh jesus do I??”. then it went away for like, 2 weeks, but as i spent time alone watching movies over christmas break, i just kept getting these thoughts that i might be gay, like creeping into my head like "you need to think about this" and id be watching movies and feel like a single pulse to completely non sexual stuff of women. and so i did think about it and it was all i was thinking about, but I wasn't having like terrible anxiety, it was more like I just was thinking about it so much and felt removed from myself. like id be looking at a conventionally pretty actress in a movie, and i would feel ****sorry this is NSFW***** a single pulse down there? it was so weird, and nothing I had ever felt before but I didn't like it. anyways, i went to school after break for one day and i was still thinking about it, and so I said "if this is still happening, then I'm going to talk to mom about this". and so I told my mom, she told me it was perfectly normal to be thinking about this because i was going through puberty, and she told me it didn'[t mean i was gay or bi. then she said, even if you turn out to be a lesbian, we will love you no matter what. and I felt so happy that I wasn't a lesbian! I was so relieved. I went to school on cloud 9 and was my old self, but the doubts came back and i became wildly anxious and depressed and whether or not I was gay was all i could think about.

@Trobot that’s how it began

@lolashewas I am not familiar with your situation but I think that you are ruminating too much. Are you gonna see an OCD therapist?

@Trobot what do you mean you’re not familiar with my situation? like you’ve never seen anything like me? like it’s probably not ocd?

@lolashewas I don't have HOCD. I have TOCD. I am not completely familiar with your situation

@Trobot so you don’t think it’s ocd. that’s what you’re saying.

@Trobot hello?

@lolashewas No. I think you should see a therapist.

@Trobot I am. i just don’t believe it’s OCD

@lolashewas Have you discussed this with your therapist

@Trobot endlessly

@lolashewas What does your therapist think

@Trobot i’m super confused as to what you’re trying to figure out here..do you mean like does she think i have ocd?

@lolashewas Yes if she says you have OCD, you do have it

@Trobot i’ve been diagnosed by several doctors, i just don’t believe it.

wowww that’s a lot for you

@animal35353 It's ridiculous but it feels real

@Trobot it feels so real for me too. i feel bad for you