I hate pOCD. I struggle with urges, is it normal to get urges with pOCD? My therapist said I should hold my toddler, change his diaper, etc. But I feel like I am white knuckling it through those. I also struggle after I change a diaper or give a bath that the only reason I cleaned an area was due to desire. This sucks so bad.

Started therapy recently and I feel like I’ve gone from being triggered every few days to every few hours. It’s like, I can’t even get out of bed for an hour before something new happens. I’m a stay at home dad with a 2 year old. This morning, I hesitated checking his diaper by patting him, just because any sort of touching in his diaper area makes me anxious or causes intrusive thoughts. But, I did it anyway, only for my brain to then go, “His diaper is always wet in the morning, why did you need to check?” I have this huge fear of accidentally doing something inappropriate or harmful, so any kind of touching, that isn’t completely necessary, feels harmful. At this point I’m just trying to survive between therapy sessions, but the risk of sitting with uncertainty with this theme, feels so strong and I feel so irresponsible by not trying to “figure it out”.

I deal pretty heavily with this. The last couple days, I’ve had what I think are urges. Something pops into my head intrusively and then what stems from that is me WANTING to just indulge in it even though it’s gross. I get worried bc I used to struggle w thoughts about my dad for a long time until eventually I just purposely thought of him while self pleasuring and got off to it. While that’s something I did, it is NOT me. It all stemmed from my mental health declining a couple years back, I was never this way before. So I get worried that it almost happened or might happen with my pocd cuz I could never live with myself if it did.

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.