I hate pOCD. I struggle with urges, is it normal to get urges with pOCD? My therapist said I should hold my toddler, change his diaper, etc. But I feel like I am white knuckling it through those. I also struggle after I change a diaper or give a bath that the only reason I cleaned an area was due to desire. This sucks so bad.

so I’ve been seeking therapy for my OCD for a few years. The theme that I’ve been dealing with most recently is the fear of becoming a pedophile, which then has led to intrusive images of me doing things to kids.Which now is just causing me so much distress and 24/7 constant thought cycle. I am starting to not be able to tell the difference between thoughts that are wanted/ unwanted- the line has become some blurry and these things are starting to feel like someothing i want to do. My brain keeps telling me to just test these thoughts and the “maybe”or”i don’t know” isn’t working. This has become such a barrier because the second layer is that I’m afraid that if I just let the thoughts be there it’ll make me be OK with doing those things and the fear is what’s keeping me from actually doing something inappropriate. It’s also transitioned into intrusive thoughts and images of me doing something very disgusting to my dog and that when I’m cuddling with him I get the thoughts to just do it or try it to see if i am actually a p*do. it’s almost like the compulsion would be to do the inappropriate thing, even though I know it’s wrong just to see how it would make me feel. I feel like i can’t control these urges even though i’ve never acted on it. At any point i could just do it. I’ve never had these thoughts before up until about a year and a half ago when my friend‘s boyfriend got arrested for soliciting a minor then all these thoughts came to life.Has anyone experienced something like this and have any advice?

18+ TW! POCD Is this still Pocd. I’m so scared For example, I’ll be feeling aroused over a child and feel genuinely aroused like I want the arousal and I’ll stop forcing it to not come because in the moment it feels like I want it in the moment so alllow the arousal to happen. Another example is I’ll feel aroused over a kid and my ocd will say make your blanket touch your private areas for a feeling over kids and I’ll do it in the moment because I feel aroused over the intrusive thought of the child. Another example is I’ll even think “yes I want this arousal over the child” and in the moment it feels like I want it I hate all of this after and do many compultions

It’s scary how uncomfortable I feel around kids. Whenever I’m in close proximity of them I just feel so much dread and fear that I just wish to not be around them for the fact that I’m gonna feel or think something I shouldn’t. But wouldn’t that be an indication of something more? A few days ago I was in an uncomfortable situation where I was around one and those thoughts were there and I started to feel self aware of how uncomfortable I was, like maybe my discomfort was because I DO see them in that way and not for any OCD reason, and how I act around them just isn’t normal. I did try to just move past it like I was supposed to but it all felt wrong. And now I’m thinking “am I ever gonna be able to do anything without feeling uncomfortable around them? At what point does someone question that there’s something terribly wrong with me because of it?” Has anyone else experienced this with POCD? How do you go about it despite your discomfort?