nsfw: my hocd is telling me that because i watched lesbian porn and liked it that it means i’m bi and because i said i wouldn’t mind trying it out with a woman for fun it also means i’m bi. i feel so alone and this genuinely sucks.

Thank you. I just have this feeling that other straight women don’t feel this way and it tears me apart.

Thank you, I just love my husband and this stole all intimacy from me. I’ve had this since I’ve been sexually active and I never got to experience this without it

@wellwellwell For you since you had it since you were 18 and you still got married - I’m thinking HOCD comes in waves for you because it seemed like you dated and then got married ... so it seems all this happened over a long period of time ??

@rachel1219 It does. I’m married to the man I dated and loved so much actually. We broke up in college oddly enough bc I wanted to date other men and have those expefiences. It was never about being with women. But I have anxiety surrounding losing him so whether it’s me being a bad person or secretly being gay, I get scared. I’m okay for most of the time unless we have sex, then I get insanely anxious. He’s so sweet and understanding but I want to be fulfilled too and ocd stands in the way!

@wellwellwell So there is hope for my daughter to get better and get married to a good man and date good men ? I feel scared for her when she will go to college. She was 100 percent straight before the HOCD . The last 4 months have been hell. I just want to make sure there is light at the end of the tunnel.

@rachel1219 She’ll be okay! I can’t lie and say it’s easy, but I’m married to a very attractive, smart, sweet man. When I got to college I dated a lot of shitty guys, but HOCD never held me back from dating and it never compelled me to experiment. She’ll be okay❤️ the last piece of my puzzle is good sex for me and I know that takes time with anxiety.

@wellwellwell I will pray you get better with time. Any way I can help her as a mother - when she has intrusive thoughts how can I help her? I usually tell her to sit in the anxiety with those thoughts and move on .... any advice would be greatly appreciated 🙏

@rachel1219 That’s a great strategy! My mom usually reassured me which is not a great way to go because I rely on it very heavily. Journaling or writing them down is sometimes helpful too for me

@wellwellwell My mom reassuring me has basically made it where I’m not even sure I’m straight anymore but I calm down if someone tells me I am. Even now I’m convinced I’m a lesbian so

@wellwellwell Not giving reassurance is a good way to go

@wellwellwell So basically not giving any reassurance and you think she will be ok and come to her own conclusion?

@rachel1219 Yes. I’m so dependent on what other people think of my sexuality I’m so in doubt of my own opinion

@wellwellwell Did your mom know what was happening ? For the first two months I didn’t even understand what was happening honestly and I had myself gone into a downward spiral.

@wellwellwell So my daughter just told me today she does compulsions to prove she is straight not prove she is gay but her inappropriate thoughts make her feel she is gay

it sucks. i know it really doesn’t mean anything about me but it just won’t let it go.

@bambam_ Same. I’m married and I get way more turned on by like naked women in porn than men. But I love men? I’ve only ever wanted men? But this has destroyed me sexually

@wellwellwell im so sorry about that. :( i’ve stopped watching porn and it helped cause i’m more rational but it’s hard cause it’s getting at my past. i hate it.

@bambam_ Yeah it really really sucks.

@wellwellwell Are you dating? I just wish it left my sex life alone. Last time I had sex I was terrified

@wellwellwell yeah i am. i have a boyfriend.

@bambam| Has it impacted sex for you?

@wellwellwell no not really. i get intrusive thoughts when we get intimate but i don’t let them bother my fun time.

@bambam| Ugh I wish. Sex has been a nightmare

@wellwellwell use those moments you’re intimate with your husband as erp. let the thoughts be and be in the present moment. your past mistakes, the videos you’ve watched, whatever you’ve done, DO NOT define who you are now. be who YOU wanna be, not what the OCD wants you to be❤️

@bambam| Thank you ❤️

@wellwellwell no problem. remember that you’re never alone !!

@wellwellwell Actually a lot of straight women get turned on by lesbian porn so don’t overthink. I don’t have HOCD - my daughter does - but I’m straight as an arrow and I do look at lesbian porn and love it !!!!

@rachel1219 I wish it’s just that naked women are sexier to me? Like I associate them more with sex which I hate. I really can’t stop overthinking that

I mean I’ve only ever wanted men outside of porn and love seducing men. But ocd warps it all

@wellwellwell When did you get first get hit with HOCD ?

@rachel1219 17. I had my first boyfriend and I just really enjoyed being with him. And then one day I thought “maybe I’m gay?” And now I’m here

@wellwellwell *first boyfriend I was really attracted to. I dated another boy who I didn’t like at all and kissing him was just awful. So that experience didn’t help

@wellwellwell Really?

@wellwellwell I hope my daughter doesn’t face issues in the future. She hasn’t dated or anything. She is only 13.

@rachel1219 Yes. It just popped up. I was really happy with him and thought what could go wrong? Then I thought oh no what if I’m gay bc of x,y,z