So I have this compulsion and it's kind of like reassurance and for some people could be triggering so beware. I spend hours on the internet looking up if it's possible to change your sexuality because even if my obsessions happen to be true I'd still have the chance to change it. And I get so anxious and depressed when I don't find anything because sexuality is still a complex matter. I don't endorse any type of conversion therapy because they basically have zero scientific arguments and cause more harm than good and also I don't think that people need to change their sexualities unless they wanted to. So it makes me feel bad because I really end up wishing that science hurry up and comes with some concrete facts regarding sexuality so that I can be reassured that I won't have to be what my thoughts tell me to be

Sexual Orientation OCD

Lazarus85

Date posted: 4y

Sorry to hear that your ocd is giving you a hard time. But do you really think that even if science could give you a clear answer, your ocd would vanish? For sure you would feel relief for a while but sadly it will never last. You can't beat ocd by searching for THE PROOF that you are what you really are and not what your ocd is telling you. I was like you and maybe even in a worst position than you. Because I passed the last 14 years searching for that proof and I found a lot of proofs that I was straight but my ocd never settle on any of them, it was never enough of a proof. You could be 100% sure about a proof but eventually you will develop doubts about it. So even if you find scientific proof for your plan B " conversion" your ocd will make you doubt again in one way or another. The only thing that worked for me it's therapy with ERP. So now I can go through the scariest gay intrusive thoughts without stressing about it and those thoughts are pretty rare now.

BRoyTheNatural

Date posted: 4y

I feel like it’s too late for me and I’ve turned bisexual for good. I have constant gay thoughts all day long and sometimes it feels like I like them but they cause me constant distress, but then I wonder if that distress is forced because I’m scared of being judged by others ?

notfortalk

Date posted: 4y

Yeah it could. Imagine if one day science could cure mental illness. I wouldn't even have to deal with this

BRoyTheNatural

Date posted: 4y

@notfortalk What do you mean it could

notfortalk

Date posted: 4y

@BRoyTheNatural I was replying on the comment on top saying that even if science gives me a plan b from my obsessions it still wouldn't cure ocd. However if science advances like that, it could also find a final cure for mental illnesses

BRoyTheNatural

Date posted: 4y

@notfortalk That would be so awesome I dream every day of just popping a pill and waking up completely free of this back to the way i was

Lazarus85

Date posted: 4y

Well if your thoughts make you feel distress because of the content it's ocd. If that distress is clearly ONLY about what others might think and you ALWAYS feel good about same sex sexual relationship then you could be bisexual. The key thing to remember it's that your real sexual orientation will make you feel good, relax there wouldn't be any kind of anxiety or fear related to it and you would only try to get some to enjoy yourself and not to test yourself. In simpler words real sexual orientation is fun, if it's something negative it's ocd.

BRoyTheNatural

Date posted: 4y

Thank you that actually helped a lot. I just have constant gay thoughts all day every day and I no longer have the disgust I would have had before all this and I’m so convinced that it’s true I’m freaking out... I’m at rock bottom

Lazarus85

Date posted: 4y

@BRoyTheNatural You don't feel disgust now because you have been with this for a long time and now you have become desensitized to the thouhts, well not as much as you used to. I don't know if you try therapy before but it's kind of the only way out of the ocd illness and I'm living proof of that.

BRoyTheNatural

Date posted: 4y

@Lazarus85 I had my first appointment today but I feel like the guy didn’t fully get it and I didn’t feel good about it... And to your comment above I only feel happy when I think about girls immensely happy in fact, when I think about guys I don’t feel happy and relieved like that i get anxious and horrified by the images that come up but I can’t prove that I don’t like them and then I worry about that until the next thought triggers me more

Lazarus85

Date posted: 4y

It's clearly ocd and you could ask for a different psychologist. The key thing for a successful therapy is to feel at ease with your therapist. So if you don't feel it maybe give him a second appointment and if you feel the same, just change therapist. Good luck.

BRoyTheNatural

Date posted: 4y

Although sometimes I don’t even feel that anxious just horrified and sick that I’m even having these thoughts that if true would mean I’m not who I always was I mean it’s not fair that I could just change like that

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