i saw some videos last year and i feel incredibly guilty for viewing them. i’m not sure how to get rid of that guilty feeling and being terrified that my future could be ruined, or that i could be arrested and hated by everyone. i’m not even over 18 but it’s so terrifying. what can i do? i’ve realised yesterday that a compulsion is to ask for reassurance, so i want to help myself. it’s just difficult because they calm down for a moment, but then get really bad again. i miss being able to sit down and do nothing without being attacked by this guilt and terrifying thoughts of the future.

Try to process the guilt by staying with it, rather than trying to avoid it or solve it using thoughts. Just feel it in your body until it passes on its own. You can even zoom in on it, notice that it's a physical feeling, it's not causing you any harm or danger, it just wants to be heard. No coming up with solutions or replaying memories or even reassuring yourself during this time- let yourself feel the whole guilt, physically, staying in your body and away from your head. As thoughts come up, instead of following them, just come back to your body and the physical feeling. It could take a little while (2 days my longest, 10 minutes my shortest) but it will pass on its own and leave you feeling peaceful. After you've done that fully, the next time it's triggered it'll feel less intense, and you can repeat this process more quickly. So that solves the overwhelming/sticky feeling problem. After feeling your feelings until they're gone, once you feel calm, THEN you'll be able to assess the situation using common sense without intense/sticky emotions influencing your thought process. DON'T TRY TO SOLVE ANYTHING UNTIL AFTER PROCESSING FEELINGS. At that point, I recommend reading about self-compassion, and maybe Stoicism. What's done is done- you deserve a good life/to exist/to make mistakes just as much as anyone else. Nobody is a perfect person, and everyone's mistakes are difference. The people who judge others are not wise people- you shouldn't keep them as your example for how to be in the world or as what a 'good person' looks like. Your choices are between suffering about this and not suffering about it. That fact will be much easier to absorb after processing. Choosing to be kind to both others and yourself no matter what IS justice, and is the only thing, if anything, that might distinguish someone as a 'good person'.

I know exactly how you feel I had the same fear... you aren't alone. But I do believe it is just a fear and erp still applies

Idk... im still concerned but im not scared. I pretty much just made fun of the fear, like using sarcasm to logic your way through it. A lot of ocd is just emotions