- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
I've never heard of that virus before actually... But I've just read online that there are different kinds of it and in Germany most people don't even show any symptoms... But you're probably based in the US...? It is really scary for sure and I can totally understand how you feel, I've also got some things I'm irrationally scared of... I guess we have to accept that life itself is dangerous and we can never be sure not to die, as horrible as that sounds. It's kind of ridiculous that we all worry so much, me included, about dying and therefore we aren't even really living. As in enjoy living...
- Date posted
- 6y
? Lady, I am sorry to hear you are still suffering so badly with this. Over the summer I had my own bout with contamination as I felt I was leaking microscopic blood from a cut on my hand. First thing to recognize is that OCD likes to single us out and makes us feel 100% responsible, 100% vulnerable, and 100% alone. Realize OCD distorts the situation so that we feel out of control and panicked. OCD loves to magnify risk and create double standards. - Why do you think you have a greater risk than the general population or that of other individuals in the building? [This is OCD talking- double standard ] - Do you honestly think you can control your exposure to a microscopic illness? If you WANTED to get Hanta, do you think you could make yourself get it? [double standard / risk distortion] - What are the catastrophic thoughts playing out in your mind? You get Hanta and then what happens? Is the fear of getting the illness worse than actually contracting it?
- Date posted
- 6y
I really feel you. Unfortunately I don't know how else to help you. I've got some stuff I need to sort out as well but since it might be "contamined" I've avoided it. But I'm determined to do something about it in the following months. You should, too!
- Date posted
- 6y
I wish you luck and it would be awesome if you'd share your progress!
- Date posted
- 6y
When I had a therapist she told me the exposures would be done in a “safe” way. Like she told me she wouldn’t have me touch mouse poo like you would if you’re afraid of touching a door knob but then what do I do? What if I accidentally touch mouse poo and I didn’t know about it?
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you. The funny thing is I’m not really scared of dying. At least that’s what I think. My symptoms are so debilitating sometimes I think death would be an easier option. But with that said actually doing something myself is scary so I’ve accepted maybe I’ll die from natural causes like viruses. But then I’m so afraid of them. I know my thoughts are flawed but how do I correct these thoughts? It can’t be done with the ERP alone, or can it? I’m just super confused because of my other disorders Overlapping each other I don’t know how to tackle this.
- Date posted
- 6y
I am in NY and according to CDC, there were five cases of people dying from the virus while the majority were south western areas. But five cases are still enough for OVD fear to go full blown. It’s amazing how creative our minds can be.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi WorriedDriver :) I was just reading up about how to set up the hierarchy for blood related contamination fear. I hope you are doing better. I highly doubt a therapist would have you touch blood for the ERP much like mouse poo so that’s why I thought to read up on it. But no useful help :( I completely understand and agree with what you said about the OCD. There are answers (very real which makes this contamination threat very real) to your questions. I often do play out possible scenarios but I always end up “dead”. I kind of idealize it at times just so I’m no longer a burden. Also being a tree after death is pretty cool. I’m not afraid of death but more of what I couldn’t accomplish and dying with regret. And what would happen to my belongings. Because I have some embarrassing pictures/videos of me doing my rituals-which is the reason for my checking. That I’ll drop or lose and get them into the wrong set of hands. These are the reasons that have kept me alive. I guess not being in control and not knowing when I’ll get sick and die is what causes my anxiety. If I’m told I’ll die without a doubt next week, then I can prepare-but because I don’t know it makes me anxious. OCD makes me very stubborn to realize life is full of uncertainty but that’s why I can make it good just as much as I’m making my life bad right now. But I’m stuck. I’m in a big maze, trapped in by OCD with no exit nearby. It’s really funny because I’m high school I always feared of what ifs so much so that I started taking chances so I don’t lose out on my opportunities. Now my past is catching up with me. I know I can’t control everything and my controlling of ocd is making my ocd worse. That my compulsions aren’t really helping me. Like my checking compulsions are so exhausting part of my room is messy because I just avoid it.
- Date posted
- 6y
*contaminated
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi maybe :) I appreciate your help. Lately my rituals take about four hours and this is just to use the bathroom. I felt extremely nauseous and then had a panic attack followed by a meltdown. My stomach still feels awful-maybe because it’s that time of the month too. But then again other than the stomach cramps, the ready is pretty much the same as any other day. The other day I broke my record and was in the bathroom for 8 or 9 hours. It’s crazy how much I can’t control my ocd. I have a team of advocates trying to help me get the erp that’s more than what I used to get which was 4x/week at 45mins/session. I wish you the best with your ocd too. If I learn something I’ll keep you updated :)
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.
- Date posted
- 24w
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
- Date posted
- 21w
I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.
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