I am 23F who is living with my boyfriend of many years. We just got married and it should be a happy time for us, but I’m under a considerable amount of stress because of what I will describe below. I have always been turned by erotic images of women, erotica of men using women, and pictures/large breasts. This is only women in erotic photos. Not girls at school or anything like that. Never people I know in person. This is basically what I enjoy in bed (men touching me there, etc). However, I’m nervous because I don’t get these same reactions to erotic images of men. But I’m pretty sure I like men? I feel very aroused and have a racing heart around men I’m attracted to before we kiss. I feel that pull, excitement, and heat when you’re with a guy you’re attracted to. I also fantasize about men I am attracted to in situations where we date/hug/have sex. This doesn’t happen for women. I have always had crushes on men (not like the master doc, like forceful crushes). And have always wanted to kiss a man, have a man touch me, have sex with a man. I’m worried because sex with my boyfriend has always been meh. I’m really nervous because I’m afraid it means I’m not attracted to him and he isn’t very good at knowing what to do to me. I’m also nervous because I’m not turned on if he gets in the shower with me or starts making out with me out of nowhere. Sometimes I am, but not always. Is this all in my head! Am I fighting a losing battle? Tonight has been my worst night in weeks. I just spoke with a woman who said I could be bi. I just want help Anyone who read this much, thanks. I get this was a dumb read but I have no one else

Sexual Orientation OCD

mh31

Date posted: 4y

i think you should just tell ur man what u want or need during sex tbh aside from everything else bc you’re completely normal most girls do the same things but yeah def tell him what u want

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I will. You gave great advice about that, seriously thank you. I guess it’s hard when as a girl you’re never really told you get a say in sex? That may have just been my upbringing though

mh31

Date posted: 4y

@wellwellwell oh girl my mom always taught me that the girls needs come first. and every time i’ve told a guy what i want they LOVE it even if you have to teach them a little at first

doloresguppies

Date posted: 4y

i really do not think you sound bi. who told you that?

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

A lesbian woman on reddit. I don’t know, I’m losing my mind. I have no idea which way is up anymore. OCD really is like mind numbing at times, you know?

doloresguppies

Date posted: 4y

@wellwellwell i do, i understand. i’m sorry she said that. if it makes you feel better, I just got the thought that saying i’m “queer” would feel right.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@doloresguppies Yeah, I’m trying to get used to “it’s okay to not be 100% straight”. And that some attraction to women is not abnormal or bad.

doloresguppies

Date posted: 4y

@wellwellwell that makes me so anxious. i don’t want to be “queer”. i don’t want to have ANY attraction to women

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@doloresguppies Literally me neither, but I’m hoping that writing this down will desensitize mr

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@wellwellwell Like they say that’s what erp is supposed to be right?? So if I say it enough I’ll eventually be like screw this, I don’t even believe this

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@wellwellwell I get it though, having those thoughts pop up like “oh this feels like I’m queer” are TERRIFYING

doloresguppies

Date posted: 4y

@wellwellwell i saw that tilda swintom came out as queer, and I was like “that would feel right for me” and it felt true i’m so scared

doloresguppies

Date posted: 4y

@wellwellwell can this start at 11??

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@doloresguppies What helped me is remembering how I was before this. Before this happened, would you read that and ever think like that? No. OCD is making you think you feel this way. That’s why I’m trying erp, I just want this stuff to ens

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@wellwellwell Mine started at 13, so I definitely think so

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Yeah you have to tell your husband how you want to have sex for you to enjoy it just saying. I mean I have a lot of respect for women too but I like to think of myself as a good boy in the streets but a freak in the bed haha. I mean if you like sex a certain way I don’t think it should be a problem for your husband to accommodate you unless your husband is a really good dude through and through then I would suggest doing some reading on how to talk with your husband about your sexual wants and needs. I mean if it’s meh right now then it can only go up.. haha. Just talk with him.

Corie

Date posted: 4y

I read the master doc and use it as exposure, ocd tries to tell me how I felt when I was younger and flip it on me forcing my attractions for men instead of it being genuine. It uses the things on the list and said I did that or felt that way, although it causes me major anxiety and feel like I have to try to remember it perfectly I can’t and have to sit with it the best I can. I wouldn’t read it as reassurance though, it’s only a compulsion.

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