Robin545

Date posted: 4y

Intrusive thoughts about my sexuality disappeared in 2015 and returned during lockdown in July 2020. I have no idea why they went away for so long, but what I take from that is that it is possible to live life without them. I didn't realise in 2015 that I was experiencing intrusive thoughts or potentially SOOCD. I thought I was the only person on the planet experiencing this. In those 5 years completely free from those thoughts, I use to look back on it and laugh about it. I'd even confidently tell others about it and how silly it would make me feel looking back on it. It may seem dire right now and you're full of dread, but as long as there is possibility, you can get through this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

Everyone going through this - you're an incredibly strong person 💪

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

Trigger warning. I have experienced these types of thoughts at ages 14, 15, 18, 21, and now 26. The thoughts lasted for weeks, sometimes months. In this current bout, it's been about 6 months. The thoughts for me are usually "what if I'm gay", "what if I'm already gay and don't know it", and "what if one day I suddenly turn gay". For me personally, my thoughts would sometimes tell me that my sexuality had changed, but at the same time I'd know it hadn't. The one thing that remained the same was my attraction to women and my lack of attraction to men. I feel like if I were gay, I'd know by now, or I'd at least have had experiences where I was attracted to someone of the same sex. That doesn't mean my thoughts feels any less real though when I experienced them. Its odd. I think the point I'm trying to make is that when dealing with this, things don't make sense, reality is bent, and you doubt everything. Take a step back. And also remember that everyone's experience is different :)

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

I'd also like to add that because I felt I was the only person on the planet with this, I never sought help or support until now. I wish I'd spoke up sooner and taken action!

rachel1219

Date posted: 4y

Were your thoughts sexual I nature ? And did they give you groinals ? Like with my daughter with every girl she sees she has have sexual intrusive thoughts about - checking her out - wondering if she is pretty - etc etc etc. she is almost 13 and it came on from nowhere. Were you able to make it through life normally and did your parents try to help you in any sort of way ?

rachel1219

Date posted: 4y

@rachel1219 What do you mean lack of attraction to men? Did you not use to look at men at all and think they looked good ?

rachel1219

Date posted: 4y

And how did your thoughts first get triggered at age 14?

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

@rachel1219 My thoughts were and are still sometimes sexual in nature, but they're more compulsions. I think about or look at what gets me triggered to see how I react. Ill analyse my responses until it drives me crazy. I have experienced the groinal response and also feel my body tense up as if its about to be sick as a result of this testing. I didn't tell my parents, I kept it to myself until this year. The thoughts always seemed to just disappear, so I would ride it out. I did continue a normal life and have been involved in multiple relationships and I'm currently in one now. My partner is aware of what I'm going through too and supports me. In response to your second part - I could always and still tell if a man is good looking but it never panicked me. Whenever I'd panic and think I was sexually attracted to a man, it was more the thought that panicked me, the possibility. I didn't actually think it if that makes sense. It's hard to tell what triggered all of this. It wasn't a single event in my case. I moved to a new country when I was young and bullies would call me gay for being different. I had no idea what the word really meant, but they made it sound awful. I then saw a few storyline on TV dramas where a character would suddenly turn gay and their whole world would turn upside down and everyone they loved would turn on them. I once also took a "manliness" quiz when I was 14 and the result said I was gay. I was mortified ha! Tv dramas still trigger me to this day and thats something I want to work into ERP.

Iwashere2

Date posted: 4y

We are eerily identical about how lur intrusive thoughts went about. I was having thoughts in 2015 when I was in high school, was a nervous wreck all the time, then it went dormant until last year. Quarantine really took alot of jobs ands responsibilities away from me so I think it left me alone for my brain to come up with some intrusive thoughts to scare me.

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

Completely relate to that! One night I thought back to 2015 and was like "wow isn't it crazy you use to think about that and would question your...shit...shit...shit" then bam all came flooding back 😅

Iwashere2

Date posted: 4y

@Robin545 I'm sorry that you're struggling, but it's also a bit relieving to know how similar peoples stories are to mine. OCD has a tendency to make me feel like I'm the exception and it's not OCD.

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

@Iwashere2 I know what you mean, the thought process really makes you feel like an alien!

Itsgonnabeokay

Date posted: 4y

Omg mine returned too...literally so angry about it

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

Yeah it seems to happen sometimes! 😅 how long was the gap for you?

rachel1219

Date posted: 4y

How old were you when you had them and when they went away ? And what kind of intrusive thoughts were they ? Just curious ....... did you ever feel like your sexuality had completely changed ??

rachel1219

Date posted: 4y

Ok with my daughter she does a few things . This all started from watching a video on TikTok of two girls. Before this she was completely boy crazy . Now she looks at each and every girl and checks their body out and wonders if she is attracted to them . She made a list of pros and cons of both genders. She says she is giving off gay vibes to her friends and she feels she has same sex dreams and then gets stuck in them all day long and that stresses her out that it will make her gay. I want to help her but I don’t know how . Should I just tell her to ride the thoughrs out? I mean she is almost 13 in the next 6 months. I would think she would know if she was 100 percent gay . Any girl she sees she has sexual intrusive thoughts about.

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

I'm in no way in a position to dish out advice, but I'd say the best thing you can do is to support her by listening and do your best not to reassure her. Have faith that she'll figure this out. No matter her sexuality, she'll figure it all out. Professional help and guidance is also a massive benefit. Some things I do that help: - Headspace meditation (I responded really well to this) - Exercise (even just a walk) - Nutrition I basically do everything I can to help my mind deal with whats going on. I have days where I skip some of this stuff, but I don't beat myself up about, just pick it back up the next day.

rachel1219

Date posted: 4y

My daughter does compulsions to prove to herself that she is straight

Robin545

Date posted: 4y

I would sometimes do that and still do if I have a bad day. The result is always the same as long as I stay calm. I do my best not to engage the compulsions now.

Itsgonnabeokay

Date posted: 4y

I had a really bad spike about 1.5 years ago and it kinda ebbed and flowed after that but it’s back! I thought I had it under control guess not lol

geodrimilis

Date posted: 15w

I need this to end.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 14w

feeling helpless

As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.

g_rangel

Date posted: 7w

spiraling again.

i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time

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