Exposures for fear of going crazy and sound Hello! I’m new to this forum. I have been working with a therapist for over a year and am not progressing as I had hoped, so I am trying NOCD. I’m excited to connect with others that struggle like me. I’m 51 and was a late bloomer to ocd. I was an anxious child, but no real ocd symptoms until around 23. At that time I developed harm intrusive thoughts. I sought the help of a therapist and was put on Paxil and buspar. Overall, the next 25 years were great! Ocd was really non existent. Fast forward to 48, menopause, getting rheumatoid arthritis, empty nest etc and my anxiety disorder is worse than in my 20’s. Anyway, over the last couple years I’ve tried several different SSRI meds and finally decided enough is enough and started therapy as well. I’ve been on on luvox for about 5 months now. it has helped tremendously with my harm intrusive thoughts, but I still struggle so much with fear of getting schizophrenia. I cannot shake it no matter how often I am told that I don’t have it. Around the time I started luvox, I noticed a sensitivity to sound and tinnitus symptoms. Like I hear everything - white noise type sounds. This is where the fear took root. I woke up one day and the fan was on. I swore it sounded like chatter or a radio. Welcome new obsession! So now, I find myself listening intently to everything I hear. I joke that hearing is now my super power. But, what is most distressing is that I find myself checking, listening and judging sound. Like a heater or fan will kick in or a fan and I’ll notice it and be like - “is that a radio?” Or I hear the motor on my laptop and insert my own scary narrative of what it “sounds” like - is that chatter? Full on panic attack. Then, I’ll have instances when I swear I hear a radio - most of the time it’s explained away (passing traffic, outside noise, appliances) and other times I freak out because I can’t find the source and it’s “proof” of my impending doom of “going crazy”! Logically, I can look at this as normal - we all mishear things from time to time. But mostly my ocd/anxiety takes over and convinces me this is NOT normal and I should be scared and afraid! This is totally reassurance seeking, but has anyone else become hyper aware or noise? I suppose this would be considered health ocd? And what exposures have worked for fear of going crazy/schizo? TIA! 😊

Hello, I’m new to this app. I’ve always had an anxious brain, and I’ve had coping mechanisms for as long as I can remember. When I was a kid, from as early as I could spell, until I was probably early teens, I would constantly write words in my head along to the beat of music. It’s such a vivid memory because I never stopped doing it. The word had to perfectly match up to the lyric and I loved that it kept my brain busy. I grew out of that, but felt like good context. My anxiety increased drastically around ages 17-19, and I began therapy. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety and panic disorder, due to having a panic attack nearly every day at that time. I overcame that as well, and now the panic attacks are every now and then, but the anxiety is constant, and some recent symptoms have led me to believe I might have some form of OCD. Maybe not. I’m trying to understand myself and get better so I joined this app to make sense of things. Lately I’ve been having really intense intrusive thoughts. I’m really embarassed and they make me feel like a bad person. Thoughts pop in my head seemingly out of nowhere. It will be an image of me harming myself or someone else in a really bad way. (Trigger warning) for example the other day I couldn’t shake the image of me putting a knife through my own forehead, although it’s not something I want to do. Or I’ll imagine someone killing me. I imagine my loved ones dying often. The thoughts feel so out of my control it’s insane. I hate them. Another persistent issue that isn’t as new is replaying social scenarios. I’m a hairstylist so this one is difficult since I meet a bunch of new people every day. I obsess over how I act and if people like me. I will impulsively say things all the time and they will haunt me for weeks. I question even my closest friends and family who show their love. I find myself so angry and numb and like I have so much built up emotion and a busy mind always. While doing my job I spiral really badly if any little thing goes wrong and it’s embarassing. I know there’s more but I can’t think of it now. I just want to feel better and like I’m not constantly battling my mind.

Hello! I’m new here. Unfortunately I’m not able to afford a therapist but I’ve been doing a lot of research and I think a lot of my symptoms/thoughts align with OCD. I want to share some of what I experience and see if anyone else experiences the same and what resources helped you. I think I mostly experience contamination OCD. I’m constantly worried that something I do/touch is going to make me really sick and/or die. Especially with food, I’m constantly worried that I’ll accidentally have something on my hands when I eat, then I’ll touch the food and get that on the food, eat it and get sick. So I’ll wash my hands every time my hands touch any little tiny thing again and again before I eat, same with any forks/spoons, or I’ll even think I touched cleaner a few hours ago and I’ve washed my hands several times since then and I just washed them again but they still feel dirty so even if impractical I’ll use a fork and if my hands touch the part of the fork that touches the food then I can’t eat the food any longer or use that fork. Also at work I have these thoughts that I know are ridiculous but also give me very real anxiety. Like “if I don’t finish this order before that machine beeps its a sign I’m going to die” and then I have to rush to make sure I finish fast and then I’ll be like ok that’s so stressful I’m not going to think like that any more it’s ridiculous but then the thoughts keep coming back so I have to keep rushing. This is just a little tad bit of what I experience and I would love to hear from others as I haven’t met anyone else like me before. Thank you!

Hi everyone, my name is Kendal and I am new here, although I do not believe I am new to OCD in the SLIGHTEST. Im about to leave my 20s behind and begin a new chapter of my life. Everyone says your 30s are suppose to be the best right? I am proud of myself for making a huge step forward, before the beginning of this new chapter. I’ve been experiencing symptoms of OCD for as long as I can remember. These feelings, thoughts, compulsions have been existing with me since middle school. They’ve manifested in many many different ways throughout the years, and continue to evolve as I get older. I’ve experienced emetophobia, obsessive thoughts about passing out or getting sick in front of people, contamination OCD, white coat syndrome and the newest culprit… Harm OCD. In middle school, it was extremely hard to understand WHY I felt the way I felt, and experienced the intense anxieties that I did. Over the years I kind of just put up with these thoughts and feelings of uneasiness.. and thought it was just regular ol’ anxiety. Recently the harm OCD came through, triggered by a traumatic event. Lemme tell ya… if you’ve ever experienced harm OCD… I am terribly sorry. It’s absolutely horrifying. It scared me so badly, to the point of actually seeking professional help. During that extreme anxiety inducing time, I was also terrified to tell a professional what was happening to me. I started with telling my husband first. What a RELIEF! I learned that telling someone made me feel so much better so I thought, man… I wonder what telling a professional would do for me? RELIEF!!!!! She helped me realize that yes this is a very very real thing people experience daily. She’s suggested therapy to pair with medication. I’ve given the medication about a year to do its thanggg and goodness, what a difference. I wish I got help earlier but hindsight is 20/20. This is me, now ready to implement therapy. I’m ready to gain a better understanding, collect coping skills and chat with people who have had similar experiences. Thinking you’re alone in OCD is incredibly isolating and scary. I am happy to finally realize I am not alone.