say “i” if you almost know youre in denial😭

thank god it’s not just me

My daughter is almost in 8th grade and she is in the same boat- can you please tell me how your story started and how you coped and how your parents dealt- and how you moved on and got to where you are today

@rachel1219 me?

@rachel1219 I was really struggling. I kept going back to my younger years when I would play with dolls and or “doctor” or one time my friend and I showed our private parts to each other and I just kept thinking on that and how doing those things were signs that I could be lesbian. It’s a long story and it’s one that I don’t like taking about because I didn’t know what I had I just knew I was constantly thinking and constantly feeling guilt and I was afraid that if I was lesbian no one would want to be around me and I would be rejected by everyone. My parents were frustrated because they didn’t know what was happening to me either. Comes my senior year and I finally get Diagnosed because I started to develop pocd and it felts worse because I felt like I was going to go to jail for just thinking terrible thoughts. The hocd was always in the back of my mind but it was a bit easier than pocd because I figured I’d just be single for the rest of my life if the fear of being lesbian was true. But anyway, I went to therapy and tackled the pocd but never really addressed the hocd. Which a part of me thinks that’s why I’ve been dealing with it for so long, and the other part of me worries I’m just in denial. Idk if any of that made sense because it is a lot of random info.

@mmartinez015 Thanks - it did. My daughter says the same thing sometimes. She will say something like “I want to be in the gay position “ and that scares me the most.

@rachel1219 Wait I’m sorry what do you mean? Or what does she mean by that?

@mmartinez015 Meaning my daughter when the HOCD first started she said I don’t to be gay , now it’s been 5 months and she said the thing that scares her the most about herself is that sometimes HOCD makes her feel like she actually “wants to be gay “. And that scares her - she says she wants the thoughrs to go away. Did any of this happen to you.?

@rachel1219 Oh okay yes I understand now. Yes that happened to me and it still happens now. The best advice I can give is to take her to an ocd specialist. And do not! Do not! Give reassurance. I kept asking my mom, “do you think I’m gay? Parents usually know before the kids do” and since we didn’t know I had ocd, she would tell me “no I don’t think you are, I would tell you if you were” it’ll make me feel a little better but then it would come back and bite me in the butt because I would worry that my mom was lying to me because she didn’t want me to be lesbian.

@mmartinez015 How did you get through high school? Did you date ? Etc etc.... my daughter even questions the male crushes she has had ... like really..... “did I even have those crushes “ I mean you made it from 8th grade to being age 23. That’s phenomenal. Did your urges ever scare you to a point that you would give in ?

@mmartinez015 Sorry if I’m too personal

@mmartinez015 And when was your lowest point when you officially thought you had turned into a lesbian

@mmartinez015 And how did you get back up

@rachel1219 No no it’s okay, I’m open to helping with my experience. So yea I doubted my crushes and whenever I spoke to a boy I would get really doubtful of my feelings. I did date I had two boyfriends in high school and no I’m currently in a relationship and he was my best friend since 7th grade; we have been together for almost 4 years now and he’s aware of my ocd and he helps me ground myself a lot. My lowest point was before I knew it was ocd. I felt like I was going crazy. And although knowing I had ocd calmed the other “monsters” in my head it created other questions like “what if I was misdiagnosed” or “what if I’m in denial and I don’t really have ocd” and that in itself is ocd.

@mmartinez015 I have my moments, like just yesterday I saw a video of a girl taking pictures to get pack at her ex and my brain said “I’d date her” and that sparked up my anxiety again

@mmartinez015 I can’t even imagine. My daughter was making a list of both genders (pros and cons). I don’t think you do that when your gay. How did your parents cope? It couldn’t have been easy on them. I break down often - but I think I need to be patient.

@rachel1219 Yea my parents were frustrated and didn’t know how to help me but once we knew what it was they were able to figure out how to help me more and how to act when I fall into the rabbit hole

I would definitely suggest taking her to a specialist. They really help a lot and they teach tricks on how to cope with the thoughts and anxiety

@mmartinez015 Thanks will do

@rachel1219 Anytime