Read a comment on here that really triggered Me “you don’t avoid / run what you’re attracted to” I’ve always avoided guys & hanging out with them alone because I’m scared to embarrass myself & scared of intimacy. My lack of self confidence & lack of experience with guys always made me doubt myself and avoid it all together... also I would always have intrusive thoughts like “what if they aren’t the right one for me” or “what if they want to hurt me” ... I’m so scared that this means I’m just in denial :/

Thank U for answering. This is absolute hell and it’s nice to know I’m not alone or a freak

@cc97 Haha definitely not alone if you are a freak then I am one too. I just remember freaking out because I saw something on tiktok that basically said someone who was lesbian said they were uncomfortable with being intimate with guys and I have had one boyfriend who I thought I really liked but I was scared to kiss him even after we had been dating for a bit. But like I realized that I was just overthinking because I did really like him and he was like my first boyfriend so I was nervous and I was really sad after we broke up so like just try to focus on the bigger picture instead of just the bad stuff!

Wow thank you for this! I haven’t really thought about what other people would think of me. I am just worried that I would never really connect with a man which really scares me but thank you for clarifying all of this it makes me feel so much better!

Thats helpful. When I ask myself: why would it be so bad if you were a lesbian? I always end up here: because it would mean I cannot be with my boyfriend anymore. Being a lesbian would mean that I cannot be with men so that would be the end of it. I dont have so much a problem with the possibility of being bisexual or just acknowledging that I might not be 100% straight. I dont feel ashamed of that even though I am never really sure what is real and what is ocd.. I know people will love and accept me no matter what, I don't really worry about that (even though I don't mean to downplay the courage it takes to come out), it's the being unsure that feels so terrible... I think my core fear is not really being gay but that I could loose him or mess up what we have built over the last 12 years. That our love is not real. That it was all a lie. I am scared that I could not love him because I love him so much, ughhhh this OCD makes no sense at all 😂🤦‍♀️

Thank u so much for this

Thabk you💖! I relate to the fear of having lied to yourself yourself or faked it, just the other way around 😅 but we're all going to be fine if we try to engage with these thoughts the least as possible...