To my fellow female Hocd sufferers- I‘m kind of panicking again 😔 I‘m really worried right now because tmi but when I fanzines about sex I do not picture the male part with a lot of details. It‘s more about the Situation and sex in general and I‘m worried that this means I am in comphet. I have a boyfriend and felt sexually attracted him before ocd got so terrible but dealing with hocd made sex really hard. That also really triggers me and makes me feel like I‘m not genuinely attracted to him and men in general 😭

Hi! Thank you so much for answering, your answers are always so on point and helpful! You’re right that I‘m totally overtinking again but I just can‘t stop worrying about it :( And what fuels all of this is that ocd distortes my memories and makes me feel like I never experienced attraction to men in the first place. But at the same time this doesn‘t make any sense because I was so boy crazy and spend literary my whole free time fantasing about getting a boyfriend and everything. But ocd makes me even doubt that. To be honest sex have always been difficult because I had such high expectations towards it and this truly fueles my hocd now. But at the same time I know that when I feel like myself without all the doubt and anxiety it is truly amazing with my boyfriend but again ocd isn’t satisfied with that. It‘s just a constant battle I have to fight and everytimw I feel like getting better there is something new that pulls me back into the dark hole. I really hope that one day I‘ll be where you are and maybe also can help others but at the moment I feel just stuck and if this will never be over

@Heleni Hey, that's okay :) first and foremost, it's important to remember that sometimes sex is just sex. Like most with OCD, I too, had such HUGE expectations of sex. And weirdly enough, I was happy with it when I first became active, I was rational about it and I knew not to put so much emphasis on something like that. Because let's face it: it's nothing like the movies, books, magazines and ads that we see lol. But with OCD, doubt creeps in. Mine began with ROCD and eventually branched to HOCD. Talk about a mess! 😅 But hey, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think sometimes we take this stuff way too seriously and we forget to have fun. So, I know you spend most of your day worrying and overthinking and overanalyzing and obsessing... But... I challenge you to have fun today. Let those expectations go. If your mind wanders to HOCD themes and images, just laugh at it. Shrug it off, fake it till you make it :) I think you'll find that having fun is a great exposure as well. If your brain can think of ridiculous scenarios, you have every right to laugh at them and even enjoy them. It'll all be irrelevant one of these days and you'll look back and be glad that you spent at least one day poking fun at it :) Have a great day, Heleni. I have so much faith in you, and I see myself in your story. Just know that there is hope <3.

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Thanks again this really means a lot to me. It‘s funny how similar your story is to mine and for me it also started with rocd and later developed to hocd. Back in the days I was absolutely terrified of cheating on my bf with randomly guys I met at Uni. So the fact that ocd makes me now question if I ever was attracted to men is just hillarious if it wouldn’t feel so terrifing. But you’re totally right and I‘ll try to take it less serious and laugh about my ridiculous brain. Thanks again for being here and helping us to battle this horrible disorder <3

@Heleni No problem :) I'll check in again with you tonight and see how you're doing. Cheer up! You've got a beautiful life to live!

@LBC24 I'm really glad it can give you some peace. I know that it feels never ending. And honestly, I still battle it here and there, it isn't an easy process. But I will say, I've made a ton of progress and that is what matters. So as long as you see changes that are positive, you know you're doing the right thing. :) I hope you have a wonderful day and make the most of your situation. It's the little things that count. Feel free to share your experience or ask me for help whenever you need it!

@Heleni How are you doing today so far? :)

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Hi. After our chat I some good hours and hung out with my bf. Today it feels so bad again :/ I just feel like everything is just true and like I‘m just lying to myself and like I should just go and accept it, even though it makes me feel sick. Sorry for being so negativ I just don‘t know who I am anymore

@Heleni That's okay :) let yourself feel however you want to. We must celebrate the little victories that we have, so I'm very glad to hear that you had a few, pleasant hours with your boyfriend. That's good progress! And I know you feel somehow in denial or worried about all the rumination you're doing, but practice self love first and foremost. Then keep pushing through. You will feel empty and lost, as though you don't know yourself. But I assure you, this too shall pass, okay? :) Hang in there! Spend some time today giving yourself proper care. Take a nice bath or listen to music (or whatever guilty pleasure you have). You got this!!

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Hey there, I just wanted to give you a little update. Yesterday was pretty though and I‘m still getting a lot of thoughts, but today I did my best to just sit with all the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. And guess what? After some time, without doing anything about it , it really got easier and I was able to see things clearer again! It‘s still really difficult but this gives me some hope, that I can somehow manage all of this. I wanted to thank you again for cheering me up, it helped me a lot <3

@Heleni * tough

@Heleni Hey, that's awesome! I'm really glad to hear that. It is so difficult to let go, isn't it? But once you learn how to, it becomes easier. I think the worst part is that we just don't know how to stop ruminating. We hear things like "sit with the uncertainty and thoughts" but that's not very helpful, is it? I'd say the number one thing that helps me is to become more aware of what I'm thinking. If I realize that I'm making up scenarios in my head, or pondering about a particular memory, or obsessing about a small detail, THEN I remember that it is OCD. And basically, you just have to trust yourself and say that it's the OCD. You have to go against that behavior and repetition in order to break it. It might feel counterintuitive or the opposite of what you would do, but that's the whole point. Progress means small changes. Even if it's minimal, change is good, because it means you are defeating the cycle. Anyways, I'm very proud of you. Even over the last 2 days, you've shown great progress. You should be extremely proud of yourself for working it out on your own. It is so tough, but you're doing great! :)

@NOCD Advocate - Kylee C. Yeah it‘s extremely hard! Especially when you‘re totally convinced and it feels like your whole world is falling apart. I still don‘t understand how our brains can do this to us, especially when I gain back some clarity and see how ridiculous and irrational all my fears are in reality. And even when I‘m feeling better ocd will be like: „oh see you‘re just faking this“ 🙈 Anyways I‘m trying to see these past days as another lesson I had to go through to get better insight and learn how to get back on track when it‘s terrible again. You‘re doing an amazing job as an advocate, whis you all the best!