i sometimes get this rush of feelings that i want to be gay and date women and be happy and then i panic because i don’t want to be gay and i don’t want to date women ( although it feels like i do) but at this point i feel like i’m just hanging on to my heterosexuality to stay closeted.... i don’t even know is that makes sense.... but i know my parents wouldn’t want me to be gay (hopefully that doesn’t offend anyone) and when i think about that it makes me panic because i obviously care what my parents think and then i panic even more because actual gay people worry if their parents would accept them or not but then again i don’t want to be gay but when i say “i don’t wanna be gay” i feel like i’m lying because i know being straight is “the right thing” this is all over the place i’m sorry if you don’t understand me my point is i don’t want to be gay but yet it feels like i do.

YES OMG YES i used to be able to tell the difference as well like i would tell myself “i don’t want to be gay” and i felt certain of it and now i feel nothing when i say that ugh I’m not sure i have OCD anymore or not but yes you’re absolutely right, it is so comforting knowing it’s not just me who feels like this. Although I wish none of us would be feeling like this at all.

@stephanie This is exactly what my daughter goes through! It is so hard for her - sucks . Praying everyone gets through thisb

It’s hard because sometimes she doesn’t even know if she likes the thoughrs or not.

@rachel1219 If it makes your daughter feel any better let her know i feel the same thing sometimes, there’s times i don’t even know if i like the thoights or not and then if it does feel like i like it then i panic because i don’t want to like it and then i panic even more because that makes me just think i’m in denial

I saw the same post a while back, thank you for those wise words!

I’m 17, how old is your daughter? I feels good knowing other people are going through the same thing I am, thought I wish non of us were going through this at all.

@stephanie My daughter is 13 . When did this start fir you? And what triggered it ?

@rachel1219 I’m 15 but it started when I was 14. I’m so sorry your daughter is experiencing this too but it’s kind of comforting knowing I’m not the only one who’s around that age. I’m not even sure what triggered mine, I just had a “what if you like girls” thought and I got stuck in it. I can remember all I did that day was online “am I gay” quizzes trying to prove to myself I wasn’t. I hope she’s doing ok :)

@Clementine Thank you- she has her days - she watched an inappropriate video on TikTok of two girls - and she got interested in the video and that was it - she was like “now I’m gay “ it was so so so hard ... it’s still hard ... do you have intrusive thoughts - do you feel you look at each girl and wonder what is going on ? Like why am I looking at these girls and never use to before .... why am I getting intrusive thoughrs about being gay all day long...al day long she has the same thoughrs ... and then she gets tired and said “let me just be gay “ I told her that is not how it works....and from ages 6-12 she has only had crushes boys crushes ... it’s so hard to snap her out of it sometimes... she is on medication as well... what are your symptoms

@Clementine I honestly didn’t even know what was going on the first 2 months I really had no idea..... I didn’t know how to help her....does your mom know your going through this ? And how do you get through it ... if your 15 you have been already going through it for a year

@rachel1219 I’ll have been struggling for a year in July. I haven’t told either of my parents (not because they’re not understanding because they’re honestly amazing, I got really lucky with them being my parents) but because I don’t want to. I don’t feel like can explain it to them and I don’t want to be a burden. I know I should but I don’t think I’ll tell them any time soon. I have my good days and then some very bad ones. December was quite a good month for me because my OCD seemed to calm down a little bit but all January it’s been the worst it’s ever been. It all feels like it’s real and that I’m just in denial. To answer your question, yes I do get intrusive thoughts and they started out like the ones your daughter has but mine have progressed to more subtle and complicated ones that make it all feel incredibly true. I never even considered liking girls until this stupid HOCD came out of nowhere so yes I relate to your daughter with only having crushes on boys until now. It’s very hard and I’m sorry she’s having to go through it at a young age. At least she has a very supportive parent and sounds like she’s getting the help she needs. I wish her the best :)

@Clementine What kind of thoughts regarding girls do you have if you don’t mind me asking ? I don’t know how to deal ? Sometimes it’s so painful....

@rachel1219 I can’t really pinpoint certain ones. It’s usually just about liking them or wanting a relationship with one and feeling attracted to them when I don’t want to be. A lot of the time it’s not even about girls it’s just about being certain of my sexuality and having thoughts telling me I’m in denial and faking having hocd

@rachel1219 I’m so sorry she is going through this at such a young age, she is still just a baby. I’m almost 18 and i’ve been having this since i was 16. What triggered it for me was a comment a friend made to me about me being picky with boys, my whole life i’ve been really picky with boys and anything will turn me off but like Clementine mention i had never even considered or had a crush on any girl, never even crossed my mind and just one day my friend (who is gay) and i were talking and i was telling her how i was picky and she mentioned to me how when she was into boys she was super picky like me too but now that she’s into girls she’s not so that maybe i’m not into boys.....and that’s when i started spiraling

@rachel1219 Also I wanted to say what a wonderful mom you are, your daughter is truly blessed to have a mom like you who understands and puts effort into understanding what she’s going through.