I am a girl and I am struggeling with sexual orientation ocd. It sounds so crazy just writing that. I have a problem with social anxiety in this too, and it plays a huge part for my ocd. I am curently spending some time with friends form Uni, But i have so much social anxiety around my girl friends all the time. I struggle with speaking in front of new and many people. When I come home from being with them, I start questioning things like; did i get nervous because I liked some of them, or one of them? Like it so painful both physcially and mentally. What should I do? I also never had a boyfriend, and I am 19 years old. I dont Get feelings so easily, and that makes my ocd Worse. Help.

It started when I was 17/18 years old. It first started when I realized I should stop having a crush on a boy (I had a huge and intense crush on him for 3 years), because he was not a good person. I then figured out that one of the girls in my class were a lesbian, and then it started. I was already anxious around here because she was “cool” and very extroverted. I have also had troubles with girls being mean to me in the past before this. Then I listened to a podcast about a woman who came out as a lesbian at 28 years old, and she didn’t knew she was that before that age. That was when I had the first extreme “OCD- panick attack”.

@jasminex123 Actually she mentioned something about that in the podcast. She said she often wanted to be more with girls at parties and not so much with the boys. I am like totally opposite hehe

@AJogol Omg you have no idea how good that feels to hear that. Like when I am at parties I just find guys sooo attractive

@jasminex123 Who was the woman who you listened to the podcast of ?

@Anonymous Wow great to hear that!! I am also like that, I always find the guys so attractive and want to Get to know them. I dont mean that i dont want to Get to know the girls there or want to party with them, But its different when you find a connection with a good looking boy!

@AJogol What should I tell my daughter who hasn’t been to a party ever alone and she is still young but currently has a male crush and she says it doesn’t matter because my brain tells me I need to be “gAy”

@rachel1219 Its a Norwegian podcast about a random woman, she is not famous or anything. She just talked about that when she first tried to date girls, (after not finding romantic connections with boys) she felt like her world turned around and everything made sense. That was the part that scared me tho. But she also mentioned that she have always felt drawn to girls at parties and stuff but never act up on it.

@AJogol My daughter was at a Xmas party with me this December and there were 6 girls there and 1 boy and she said was shy around him! But when I try to talk to her about she is like “but I might be gay ... my brain is telling me I’m gay”

@rachel1219 I do not get it

@AJogol That scares me so much just because I have not found a guy I really connect with. Like there haven’t been a lot of guys who I like really want to date either which freaks me out but like when I am at parties I really only want to talk to the guys there so idk

@Anonymous omg I feel just like that myself !! I have not found it either and have never had a boyfriend and I am 19 years old. I also struggle with that thought. as soon as it gets a little serious with a boy I'm with, I freak out

@AJogol With connection I meant more that I enjoy talking to them, not feeling like I want a relationship

@AJogol I literally feel the exact same way! I have had a couple boyfriends who I did not really like and that kind of scared me and I had one awhile ago who was like my first boyfriends and I really liked him but I would get nervous to kiss him so now with ocd I tell myself I didn’t actually like him. I know this is not true though because I was really sad after we broke up and would get jealous seeing him with other girls. I think people like us with ocd are just prone to anxiety so I don’t think it means anything that we get nervous. It also doesn’t help when people are on social media saying like being nervous to do stuff with guys means you are gay etc. idk I just find people online to be kind of toxic sometimes and insensitive to other peoples experiences

@Anonymous Yes I totally agree!! I often get very nervous too, and therefor I nearly only have had hookups with guys on parties with alcohol in my blood, heh..

@AJogol And I feel like people are assuming that if you not have had a boyfriend it means ur gay, and that’s not how it works. I know that I value more a deep relation with a boy than the physical and superficial things. And that what’s keep me going. I can’t wait to meet a guy that I feel strongly emotionally connected to!

@AJogol Literally same and like I feel like I would be doing that with girls if I was gay haha

@Anonymous Yes!!

@AJogol I know I just feel like I haven’t found the right guy yet and like there’s nothing wrong with that idk why people think that just means you don’t like men

@Anonymous When you guys get struck with HOCD hard do you have intrusive thoughts about women that are bothersome !

@Anonymous Now I am actually talking to a boy that I find so interesting, cute, smart and so on.. we have been chatting for a couple of days now and I have developed a little crush on him. But then he asked me to go for a walk sometime (i have never met him face to face before), and I got really anxious but also happy. Why do I get so nervous and anxious about meeting him? I am afraid that if I don’t like him, it must mean I am gay.

@AJogol It’s so normal to be nervous especially since it’s your first time meeting him! Happens to everyone and if you dont like him that much it doesn’t mean anything because he’s just one guy. Just try not to let your anxiety and ocd get in the way of you having fun because you deserve to be happy!

@Anonymous Thank you❤️

@AJogol Anytime!!💞

Thank you. I really appreciate that you suggested working with my confidence, Cause I think that plays a role in this shitty situation. Thank you!

Yes my daughter goes through. The same thing . When I tell her it’s ok if she is gay she seems so stressed about it. I don’t think that’s how it works with someone who is gay

@rachel1219 No I don’t think so too, It should feel good and kind of scary in a good way! Anxiety is something totally different. By the way, u are a great parent to ur daughter for caring and helping her the way you do!

@AJogol Thank you- I think at 12/13 they are already confused - and then this social media nonsense adds more confusion . A friend of hers also came out and said she is a gay but she said she has known since the 2nd grade and has had no doubt about it - and she is happy with herself - not like my daughter. So I try to give my daughter that example - but she doesn’t get it - also she has an active male crush right now but she is even questioning that- I heard the ocd makes you block that out too

@AJogol She will even tell me things like “I have this strong urge to be gay “ and then I’ll say “ok go ahead do it ... try it ... try “being gay “.... just tell yourself that for a week that your “gay” and then immediately she will say something like “no something holds me back from doing that “. I’m like “ok???”

Can you please tell me how old you were and how you overcame ? It would be very helpful to Me to in order to guide my daughter

@rachel1219 yes something that has helped me is to say "it's just ocd!" when thoughts come. I know it sounds very superficial, but it helps me a lot because then my body starts to calm down and I understand that it's just in my head. it helps to say it to yourself several times each time the thoughts come. My ocd is not as bad now as it was before, and I hope this strategy is useful in the long run. (Sorry for bad english..)

@AJogol Thank you - how long have you dealt with this now ?

@rachel1219 2 years, maybe 3 I’m not so sure

@AJogol Oh wow you are a trooper ! Amazing

@rachel1219 What do u mean

@AJogol Meaning - you have had it for 3 years and still going strong - you will be fine - you will overcome

Can you tell me how you overcame and how I can help my daughter overcome ?

What types of thoughts did you go through ? If you don’t mind me asking

@jasminex123 She has harm ocd and hers started from watching a video of two girls doing inappropriate things to each other - she saw it on TikTok found it intriguing and then thought “I’m gay !!!! “

@rachel1219 And then she started spiraling down from there

@rachel1219 She should delete tiktok. Cause tiktok are making people insecure about themselves. It is made to make people addicted and it is very hurtful for your brain.

@Andreas2612 You are so right - how do you tell that to a pre teen who is dying to “fit In” with all the social media in the world

@Andreas2612 Honestly it is so sad how addicted these kids are - that and one of her friends who is 12 just came out and said “I’m gay and I’ve known since the 2nd grade and I have no doubt in my mind about it “. So that also sent my daughter spiraling but I told her if your friend has known since the 2nd grade and only had girl crushes and you only had male crushes and as soon. As you saw the video here you are in 7th grade questioning and ruminating ... don’t you feel like something is wrong ? But it’s so hard with my daughter sometimes - she isn’t an easy person to emotionally handle ... it’s hard

@rachel1219 Are you a single parent?

@AJogol No I have a husband but when I talk about this stuff with him he doesn’t get it ... so I’m kinda running on this by myself

@rachel1219 Social media can really be a demon to human minds. People think it’s normal but it’s not. What social media does to people is not natural at all. It is way easier for people to meet their insecurities on social media because you know...EVERYTHING is there.

@Andreas2612 Yes I totally totally agree - it can leave so many insecurities which can take some time to heal- some girls can handle it some girls cannot . Really cannot gauge.

@rachel1219 I got OCD from watching porn. I decided to block every porn there is and never look back because porn is not good for you at all.

@Andreas2612 You had HOCD ? It’s hard because what my daughter watched was almost like porn - how long did it take you to recover

@rachel1219 I am not recovered. I got diagnosed with OCD not that long ago and it was just now last week I decided to block pornsites. (Tiktok aswell)

@rachel1219 DO NOT let your daughter watch porn. It’s extremely bad for people and I am disgusted how not that many people can see that.

@Andreas2612 Yes for sure I will not. Thank you so much . Hope you get better soon

@rachel1219 Thank you :)

@Andreas2612 It’s a process honestly- eveeyday it’s something new or the other with my daughter

@Andreas2612 Literally all my daughter does is think about being gay all day long - literally. It upsets me but there isn’t much I can do

Sorry to hear - when did you first get triggered