- Username
- feethebee
- Date posted
- 3y ago
im so scared that im just mirroring behaviors i see in ocd people and that i don't actually have it. this makes zero sense i know but i can't help but keep pondering on it i don't get intrusive thoughts or anxiety as often anymore i just feel fucking numb confused and have exaggerated mood swings. i can't deal with this i don't understand what the problem with me is.
Many people with ocd struggle to fully accept their diagnosis for fear that it isn’t “real” or that they’re a “fraud.” OCD is nicknamed the Doubting Disease for a reason: it makes you doubt everything, including your ocd. Many people also cling to their symptoms being “bad enough” as proof to themselves that all of this really is ocd. And a common pitfall in recovery is feeling better to the point you start doubting your ocd was ever real and then fall back into the same hole. This all sucks and it’s confusing and there’s no one simple solution out. All we can do is what we always do: lean into uncertainty and resist compulsions. Stop ruminating about this. Stop trying to prove it is or isn’t ocd. Stop mentally reviewing your symptoms now and in the past and comparing them over and over. Stop doing mental compulsions. Maybe it’s not ocd. But maybe it is. And either way, treating it like ocd and doing CBT and ERP therapy will be helpful. I also like this article on doubt, if you haven’t come across it already: https://ocdla.com/doubt-denial-ocd-5342
you are 100% right. and i have nothing to disagree with. i actually now realized that ive had an obsession this whole time: fear that im a fraud who doesn't have ocd. i just didn't realize it was an obsession because it's not that typical or similar to my previous obsessions. the thing is that i keep doubting it because people usually develop this obsession after being through successful recovery etc. ive never even been to therapy man. i have cut out on some compulsions (even saying this makes me feel anxious bc less compulsions could mean less ocd) but i never rlly did erp or something, my first obsession went away on its own (it was replaced by another one but that one also went away, i actually did some erp on that one). so im like no this can't be possible how can it go away on its own when it used to be so intense this doesn't feel like typical ocd. it didn't like go completely away on one go but it went away eventually without me even inducing it. ive only had some minor obsessions ever since that don't even fit into a particular theme. im just confused at this point.
sorry that was excessively long
@feethebee OCD ebbs and flows on its own. You will have bad days and months. You will also have good days and months. I’ve had periods of my life where I had no ocd symptoms. I’ve also been housebound by my ocd symptoms. Everyone has good and bad times that just happen and we can’t explain it. And even if we could, it actually wouldn’t matter. Explaining why your ocd is worse or better now does nothing to help treat it. Treatment is the same either way, regardless of the current level of severity.
@pureolife thank you. ive noticed that most people on the internet - especially ones that aren't even mentally ill - tend to make statements like "oh you're not really struggling, actually mentally ill people have it way worse uhm you're just an attention seeker" and that's having a bad effect on me. it's like they think you have to be borderline s*ic*dal to qualify as "mentally ill" otherwise nah you're just a crybaby. i feel like im a target to those people
@feethebee I think you should stop engaging with people in those spaces about mental health. It makes no sense in my mind to ask for advice/understanding about mental health issues from those who don’t have them and/or have any education in them. What were you expecting/hoping to gain there? There are plenty of spaces, like this app, dedicated to people who have mental health issues and who are trained to help treat them. If you want to talk mental health, turn to the places that make sense to turn to as a resource. Stop turning to people who can’t/don’t understand and then resenting them for it.
@pureolife woah woah you're right mate, but i don't go to these places on purpose! it's just what i see on the internet, randomly. it's also something that i hear a lot from people i know - like my peers for example. i have an acquaintance who's pretty talkative and clingy and told me about how girls from her school fake being depressed or something like that even though they cut, and i called her out of course. i know many people like this. people love to accuse others for faking their struggles when they haven't even been in their shoes before
@feethebee Oh ok, you made it sound like you were simply turning to the wrong people to get help and support and then feeling targeted. We all struggle with what we see on the internet and overhear from insensitive people. Good job standing up to those people when you can. Do your best to remember that these comments often come from ignorance and misunderstanding rather than malice.
@pureolife oop yes that was a misunderstanding. of course i don't believe these people have malicious tendencies, but goddammit this ignorance is driving me crazy! thank you for your advice and words of encouragement they've been very helpful
I won't lie, I experienced this same feeling today. I only have a mild case, and it was rough to see everyone with my severe symptoms. But it's important to tell yourself that this is what you have, and just because you experience it differently doesn't mean you're a liar. Personally, being firm with myself and saying out loud "I have OCD. No matter how big or little my struggles are". I hope that this helps, and that you can get the help you deserve ❤
thank you for sharing your experience. ive always been labeled a crybaby, my parents invalidate my struggles for the most part, and being a very sensitive person i think that sometimes im just overreacting and im not actually mentally ill. and then j feel like a liar. im so caught up in this cycle it's killing my self-esteem
@feethebee That's definitely rough, not having that support system :( hopefully with this app, you can connect with others who share similar experiences. Things will get better, it just takes a little bit of time ❤
sometimes i even "wish" i had intrusive thoughts and full-on compulsions like the beginning. i know this sounds very wrong of course id never want to go to such a dark place again, but at least then i was certain i had ocd it was pretty obvious and i didn't question it. now my brain is all scrambled and im in constant state of confusion on what exactly is going on with me. am i a dramatic manipulative liar or a person with ocd... i feel like im deceiving everyone and it just feels so real i don't know what to do
sorry for the rant. im literally in tears right now because ive lost all touch with myself. i don't know who i am or what im feeling or what i want. i don't know what the fuck is wrong with me i just want this to stop
Have you went to a community mental health center for help
nope :( im not even in therapy actually
phone call I'm a therapist and for one I read in your posts I think that something's going on with you where you might actually benefit from therapy
im a teenager living with parents who are ignorant of mental health issues. 1-2 months ago when i opened up to my mom and told her i might have ocd she just dismissed it and told me im exaggerating and that i don't have it. ever since then i doubt everything and feel like a fraud. i feel like i don't deserve therapy or attention because i don't even know what's going with me in the first place and i don't want to waste anyone's time
Mental illness is on a continuum and while your symptoms may not be as severe as others it sounds as though they're still the deabilitating to you at times
yes i don't know to be honest. it used to be crystal clear that i have ocd but now the situation has taken a complicated turn
@feethebee i think i might also have depression or something
Car you may have a personality disorder called borderline
i don't think so
Look it up and see if it fits your situation
Hundred years earlier cutter or someone who threatened
Are you someone who threatens so self harm or suicide
ive never self-harmed, and there was one time where i felt suicidal during a depressive episode but ive never thought of actually killing myself id never do that
Do you feel empty, abandoned or alone
i feel numb and confused for the most part. i also have strange mood swings
abandoned? not really. alone yeah i kinda do
I can relate so freaking much. Doubted my diagnosis for a couple months.
does anyone else worry that some of their ocd symptoms/ proof of your ocd are invalid because they already knew about their ocd theme, and maybe they copied other people with the same theme and have now adopted other peoples experiences and mimicked them? so they don’t really have ocd, they just convinced themselves that they do and subconsciously copied other peoples compulsions and thoughts? because i’m undiagnosed and i have some symptoms of ocd before i found out about soocd, but after i started researching it, what if i subconsciously copied other people to convince myself i had ocd.
So I'm not sure if it's just me, but I've been diagnosed with OCD for a couple years, and I've had symptoms since as far as I can remember, but I still feel like maybe it's all in my head and I'm just imagining all the compulsions? I sometimes feel like maybe all the struggling from compulsions is just me trying to sub-conciously manipulate other people to do things for me out of pity. I don't like the pity, and I want to be able to easily do things for myself, so I know it makes no sense, but sometimes I just can't talk myself out of it. Any thoughts or recommendations?
So I was recently diagnosed with ocd and I have always been told since I was little that I have ocd tendencies but I worry that I am not ocd enough. Like what if I don’t have enough like things to address. Sometimes I worry that I’m faking it but I can’t tell the difference between what’s fake and what real
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