my biggest fear is what if i don't actually have ocd and get exposed as a fraud. im afraid i might have been living a lie the whole time. i keep thinking that im not as ill as others here. i feel like i don't deserve attention, it's like im unconsciously invalidating myself all the time and j can't help but think that im an impostor in disguise. that im just doing this for attention. that i just want to be mentally ill to feel like i fit in somewhere. when i show a new ocd symptom im afraid that oh im probably just copying something that i saw off this app here because i want to feel like i truly do have ocd. i know i most likely have it but im so stuck in this loop of doubt. my ocd isn't as severe as it was in the beginning so that makes me feel even more invalid and i have developed impostor syndrome over the years.

you are 100% right. and i have nothing to disagree with. i actually now realized that ive had an obsession this whole time: fear that im a fraud who doesn't have ocd. i just didn't realize it was an obsession because it's not that typical or similar to my previous obsessions. the thing is that i keep doubting it because people usually develop this obsession after being through successful recovery etc. ive never even been to therapy man. i have cut out on some compulsions (even saying this makes me feel anxious bc less compulsions could mean less ocd) but i never rlly did erp or something, my first obsession went away on its own (it was replaced by another one but that one also went away, i actually did some erp on that one). so im like no this can't be possible how can it go away on its own when it used to be so intense this doesn't feel like typical ocd. it didn't like go completely away on one go but it went away eventually without me even inducing it. ive only had some minor obsessions ever since that don't even fit into a particular theme. im just confused at this point.

sorry that was excessively long

@feethebee OCD ebbs and flows on its own. You will have bad days and months. You will also have good days and months. I’ve had periods of my life where I had no ocd symptoms. I’ve also been housebound by my ocd symptoms. Everyone has good and bad times that just happen and we can’t explain it. And even if we could, it actually wouldn’t matter. Explaining why your ocd is worse or better now does nothing to help treat it. Treatment is the same either way, regardless of the current level of severity.

@pureolife thank you. ive noticed that most people on the internet - especially ones that aren't even mentally ill - tend to make statements like "oh you're not really struggling, actually mentally ill people have it way worse uhm you're just an attention seeker" and that's having a bad effect on me. it's like they think you have to be borderline s*ic*dal to qualify as "mentally ill" otherwise nah you're just a crybaby. i feel like im a target to those people

@feethebee I think you should stop engaging with people in those spaces about mental health. It makes no sense in my mind to ask for advice/understanding about mental health issues from those who don’t have them and/or have any education in them. What were you expecting/hoping to gain there? There are plenty of spaces, like this app, dedicated to people who have mental health issues and who are trained to help treat them. If you want to talk mental health, turn to the places that make sense to turn to as a resource. Stop turning to people who can’t/don’t understand and then resenting them for it.

@pureolife woah woah you're right mate, but i don't go to these places on purpose! it's just what i see on the internet, randomly. it's also something that i hear a lot from people i know - like my peers for example. i have an acquaintance who's pretty talkative and clingy and told me about how girls from her school fake being depressed or something like that even though they cut, and i called her out of course. i know many people like this. people love to accuse others for faking their struggles when they haven't even been in their shoes before

@feethebee Oh ok, you made it sound like you were simply turning to the wrong people to get help and support and then feeling targeted. We all struggle with what we see on the internet and overhear from insensitive people. Good job standing up to those people when you can. Do your best to remember that these comments often come from ignorance and misunderstanding rather than malice.

@pureolife oop yes that was a misunderstanding. of course i don't believe these people have malicious tendencies, but goddammit this ignorance is driving me crazy! thank you for your advice and words of encouragement they've been very helpful

thank you for sharing your experience. ive always been labeled a crybaby, my parents invalidate my struggles for the most part, and being a very sensitive person i think that sometimes im just overreacting and im not actually mentally ill. and then j feel like a liar. im so caught up in this cycle it's killing my self-esteem

@feethebee That's definitely rough, not having that support system :( hopefully with this app, you can connect with others who share similar experiences. Things will get better, it just takes a little bit of time ❤

nope :( im not even in therapy actually

im a teenager living with parents who are ignorant of mental health issues. 1-2 months ago when i opened up to my mom and told her i might have ocd she just dismissed it and told me im exaggerating and that i don't have it. ever since then i doubt everything and feel like a fraud. i feel like i don't deserve therapy or attention because i don't even know what's going with me in the first place and i don't want to waste anyone's time

yes i don't know to be honest. it used to be crystal clear that i have ocd but now the situation has taken a complicated turn

@feethebee i think i might also have depression or something

i don't think so

ive never self-harmed, and there was one time where i felt suicidal during a depressive episode but ive never thought of actually killing myself id never do that

i feel numb and confused for the most part. i also have strange mood swings

abandoned? not really. alone yeah i kinda do