- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Honestly you were really young. I wouldn’t worry about it and you’re not a bad person. We all did weird stuff at 12-14. I don’t know anyone who didn’t.it’s normal to make mistakes, that’s how humans grow. I’m 21 and i’ve done most of my mistakes between the age of 16-19. I also have Real Event OCD but i think it’s important to remind ourselves that everyone on earth makes mistakes even at 30,40,50. That’s just being human so don’t hate yourself.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you it means a lot. I am confused on how to feel about the situation. I mad a mistake as a kid, but I still have that feeling of it really impacted the other person when. I fixed myself since then, but I still have fear creeping up on me. Thank you though for giving me advice. I brings me comfort.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@🔓 There’s nothing to feel about this situation except letting it go. Trust me, it’s really not a big deal lol, it’s only the OCD talking.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Anon123 You said you made mistakes that your OCD latched onto when you were 16-18 it was the same for me a little but younger at the start but still, do you think you can help me with my incident
- Date posted
- 4y ago
You should not hate yourself for this. You were pretty much a kid yourself. We all do stupid things at this age because we're just trying to learn at the end of the day. You looking back on it, cringing and telling yourself that you would do different is a huge sign that you've changed, grown into a better person, and wouldn't make that mistake now. I myself worry about the sexting I did when I was 15-17 but I was just a stupid teenager still in high school trying to figure out my feelings and hormones for sexual desire. You didn't have any bad intentions and your OCD is just trying to alter that.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thank you for the advice. I’m just have a hard time dealing with the past. You’re advices means a lot.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@🔓 I'm having a hard time dealing with the past too! I'm just glad I was able to help you out with my advice. You're free to ask for help anytime you need it cause you matter.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
This is a compulsion. Please do ERP.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
How do I do erp for this? Any ideas that may help fight the fear? Anything will help a lot.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@🔓 What kind of therapist do you have? What kind of therapy do you guys do?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@christinejg94 Thave an ocd therapist. She mainly helps with anxiety. She gave me advice on how to deal with anxiety for now. She hasn't mentioned anything about ERP, but I'll give it time. I barley started therapy and just had my first session, so it'll be a bit until she mentions erp for my problems. Right now, I'm just using this app to get advice from people who already have experience and advice for therapy. I haven't told her this specific problem I have yet. I just wanted to post this because couldn't hold it in for a few weeks until I see my therapist. I brought me relief from bottling it all up which was nice. If you have any erp advice for this post, I will greatly appreciate it. Any advice or guidance will help a lot. Thank you for responding though. It means a lot to have people see my problem and try to help.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yes, I definitely see you and understand you. I had really bad real event OCD as well and some times it’s still bad. Okay, I was wondering what therapy you guys do because this is clearly (to me, it’s not clear to you cause you are in it) OCD and needs to be treated with ERP. I did traditional CBT therapy for 2 years before I saw an OCD specialist. I learned a lot and gained some very valuable lessons and tools. However, at the end, I just basically just writing lists of things I was scared of or things I did that I thought were bad that I wanted to get off my chest, I would disclose them all, she would make me feel better, it would last sometimes a day or two, sometimes only a couple hours and then my OCD was right back at it and I had a new list. So please, down the road, remember this message: ERP is the solution. It will help you soooo much. The purpose of ERP is to get you really really anxious and let it go down without compulsions. Over time it rewires your brain to stop seeking compulsions and overtime without compulsions, your OCD settles down. So the actual ERP for this thought, would have been: Exposure: you are already being exposed, the thought itself is causing lots of discomfort. It can be any feeling, fear, guilt, disgust, ect. And RP: response prevention- you would just ignore it. You would let guilt and doubt take home in your body and just let it be. You would do nothing, meaning no mental review of the situation, no tellingly anyone to gauge their reaction, no googling anything, you would do nothing to satisfy that itch to figure it out and get rid of guilt. That’s ERP in it’s simplicity. You just don’t response. Ignore it and go about your day.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey, this is really beautifully written. Do you think you can help me out with something on this level on a post I've written? Pretty please? I'd love some feedback on my journaling and the problem I'm going through
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@BigGip09 I can help you from an ERP perspective, yes, but I try my hardest not to give reassurance (even though these stories break my heart for y’all.) how can I help?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Than you for the advice. I’ll try my best to ingnore it. It’ll be difficult though because of the discomfort building up each day. I’ll work on it. Thank you
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@🔓 If I’m being honest, I don’t think this thought will follow you much longer. I think you will tell your therapist and then move on. But when you move on to a different thought, or your thought morphes into, “yeah, okay, but....” or you add more details to the picture, please remember this is OCD and that is proof that doing compulsions like confession don’t work in the long term.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@christinejg94 Thank you! I've been wanting ERP on how to deal with this for quite a while. I've been able to not let it worry me from time to time but when I sit there and think about it it all comes back. So here goes: So at one point in most people's lives, I'm sure they've came across something they really didn't want to see while using the internet, or any social media site for that matter. I have friends that did, I've seen many people talk about it, and I myself have gone through it a few months ago. Im trying to meditate on how I can stop thinking about what I had seen given the context when I was on YouTube that night and put it past me, but it's hard. I just hate that I still ruminate about this over and over and I try my best not to. I didn't even search for anything related to the dumb playlist I saw. I wanted to masturbate, and l'm beginning to think this may be a compulsion for me but I'm honestly not sure. I don't like to use porn sites, since I can't see myself being turned on by hardcore porn knowing of the things porn addiction can do to people and what can be served on the underground of porn sites. I feel more safe with using YouTube or anything that can limit hardcore porn. Months ago, I searched for the usual things I would that can arouse me, that being girls my age, and definitely older women. Because of this event however, I feel like I've lost the attraction to look at girls that are "labeled" as teens because it makes me feel awkward that they may be underaged even if lassume that they aren't and my not be. I searched for 18 year old girls to watch sol could enjoy looking at hot girls that were my age at the time. I liked what I saw with the girl that was 18 in the video I searched for, and things were okay. But then, people started to debate the girls age in comments when the video itself said that she was 18. When I clicked out of the video, I tried to find another. But, while doing so, youtube threw this gross playlist that gave a negative sexual connotation about kids in the playlist the videos itself weren't sexual at all, and I didn't watch any of them and never would, but the creator and person that hosts the playlist made it seem that way. Nothing about that playlist I liked. This happened before and curiosity kicked in to see if it was actually real and not what I clicked on one video hoping to report it but got afraid that I couldn't find it. Then I wanted to report the entire playlist because it's not something that youtube should have given me and something that should not be on YouTube, even without the context in my opinion. OCD sometimes creates false memories thinking actually did watch videos in the playlist when I didn't, at all. It was so horrible I put my phone down before clicking everything out. I guess it still bothers me because it was an awful coincidence that met with me masturbating before l even ran into it. I focused on watching older women and then at the end Women my age but the thoughts are like "you're just using this to cover up for what you really wanted to see" or "but what if you actually did want to see that" or "what if you liked it" which if that was the case I'm pretty sure I wouldn't feel this much anxiety and worry about it because I've seen other bizzare sexual videos that didn't bother me whatsoever, but I don't stumble into anymore. Lately l've been feeling a much stronger attraction towards older women, muscular women, and plump women. Honestly multiple types of women I don't really have any limits for the most part. Up to 50 year old women I believe. It's not that I'm not attracted to women my age but when it comes to online for videos or images, l'd love to see older women so much more. Never ever ever any women below my age though. l just don't want to ruminate about this accident anymore. Dwelling on it drives me crazy but lately I've been telling myself "I'm not going to solve it"and it's working a little bit.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@BigGip09 So first you need to identify your compulsions. Telling people about this is a compulsion because you are trying to get reassurance. Replaying it and trying to figure it out is a compulsion. Let it go and it will eventually go away, I’m sure of it. It only seems so big because you are giving it so much attention. When you starve the OCD this won’t even bother you anymore. What you described is common in OCD, you doubting yourself, it mixing actions with ill intentions, or completely making up actions, ect. The proper way to treat this with ERP is just to sit with the uncomfortable feelings. If you feel like you can, you can even practice agreeing with the obsession instead of arguing with it. “Maybe I did get aroused by that. Maybe I didn’t. I do not know.” You never ever have to accept something unacceptable to you. But you can agree with OCD to sort of punch it in the face, and it’ll leave you alone.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@christinejg94 It's kinda difficult to agree with those thoughts because I know they're false. I know I didn't enjoy that. I remember the horrible sensation I felt in my heart when I saw what the comments had said in those videos as I tried to find a way to report it. Then I felt horrible for even clicking on the videos in the first place. Then I feel like I'm lying about it but if I was then I wouldn't be worried about it. My compulsions are ruminating definitely, I don't know if masturbating counts, maybe it does, and thinking about the past and future is another one. I feel like if I no longer worry about these things, I can get better. Now that you mention it, it does seem like a big deal the more I talk about it or give it attention. This has happened on other occasions where I search for one thing but get the other somewhere, but I only ruminate about this particular event. And it wasn't even a bad video, the connotation of the video and playlist was just disgusting. I always worry it's my fault that this popped up when I made no effort to search for it. Then I get worries that I know I shouldn't get like should I be punished for this horribly even though it was an accident and not planned. So.. I just sit with the thought, and the feelings? What if they don't leave?
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@christinejg94 I also feel like a really awful person that this happened. I always fear something bad will happen to me because of it. Even if it won't I just don't know how to fully leave it behind me
- Date posted
- 4y ago
So in the future you can practice this if you’d like. If I have an event that really really won’t go away the chances are I’m probably feeding it without meaning to, and for me it’s normally doing a mental review. I’ll repeat it over and over and over in my head thinking it’ll get rid of my discomfort, telling myself it isn’t that bad and trying to see if my feeling match with myself saying it’s not that bad. Or other variations, imaging myself telling different people, imagining if it was someone else whom I loved, whatever, I’d be doing it. But sometimes, even the, if it’s not going away fast enough and the discomfort is horrible I’ll purposely try to make it really really bad by making a voice recording of the worst fears of the thought and listen on loop. So for yours it would be like, “I may have caused irreparable damage to a young girl.” And any other horrible thing you are really afraid of. Then you would just listen until that anxiety goes from a 10 to a 3. At that point, when it hits you in the day, it only hits at like a 5 and it’s much easier to ignore.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’ll give it a try. Thank you
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@🔓 You’re welcome. I wish you rest and comfort and know that everyone is deserving of love.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Sorry if I misspelled something or poorly written my sentences. I just wanted to quickly type this because I didn’t want to hold it in anymore.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w ago
When i was between the ages of 11-18 i was a very mentally ill and hyper sexual kid. I did a lot pf sexting, sent nudes, and even one video of me doing inappropriate things that haunt me to this day. I have changed a lot since then and realized that this was all jn relation to (TW!!) sexual abuse i experienced as a child/teen. I still feel horrible for the things that I have done and think about this daily. I beat myself up because I know it was wrong of me to act that way growing up. Im afraid that someone will find these texts/pictures/videos one day and it will lead to my complete humiliation. I want to throw up at the thought of people i know and love seeing me act that. Its not who I am or who I ever was. I regret that part of my life so deeply it hurts.
- Date posted
- 12w ago
Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.
- Date posted
- 10w ago
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond